What Women Have Learned

March 25, 2009

Women often send one another words and passages that were uplifting in their humor and their sadness. The balance speaks for the experience we live each day. We are the bearers of our family’s emotional weight. We shoulder the role of stewarding a society’s acceptable behaviors (to paraphrase Tracy’s insightful words), whether we fully realize it or not.

A long time ago, a reader sent me the following in an email. I regret that I can no longer find her name, but I kept the email and have read it many times. Perhaps many of you know it already. It is a beautiful reminder of the many things our everyday struggles have taught us. At the end of a day that feels miserable, you just have to keep living. For how long? Until a ball comes at you that you can’t hit back.

Maya Angelou was interviewed by Oprah on her 70th birthday. Oprah asked her what she thought of growing older.

[[ Right there on television, she said it was 'exciting.'

Regarding body changes; she said there were many, occurring every day...like her breasts. They seem to be in a race to see which will reach her waist first. The audience laughed so hard they cried.

Maya Angelou said this:

'I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.'

'I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.'

'I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life.'

'I've learned that making a 'living' is not the same thing as 'making a life.'

'I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.'

'I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw some things back.'

'I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.'

'I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.'

'I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. '

'I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.'

'I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.'

Please pass this on -- you will boost another woman's self-esteem. If you don't...the elastic will break and your underpants will fall down around your ankles! ]]

Maya Angelou seems an enviably serene woman who radiates simple honesty. I expect that the notion that looking your age is not good enough was one of those things she threw back. More of us should do the same. You will be held in higher regard if you share your true human warmth than if you glow only from the surface of your perfect skin.

More recently, my dear friend, Gina, sent this. She knows I’m a terrible facebooker, but wanted to be sure that I saw it, so she e-mailed it direct.

These words, between a poem and a song, celebrate the small wonders for which we make time each day. Women are sisters and friends and soulmates and cheerleaders and we are each other’s beating hearts. We find ways to heal ourselves and each other with our truths and our deep connection to life’s most basic energies.

Alone, we can be frightened. We shortchange the value of our contribution to our homes and our workplaces. With two of us together, our bravery more than doubles. We can take on the world.

Posted by Christine Scaman | Filed Under Happiness

Comments

3 Responses to “What Women Have Learned”

Karen on March 25th, 2009 10:32 pm

OK, I’m speaking my mind… Re: #3– I do not miss the one who is gone and I will not miss the other one when she goes and I wish people would stop saying/thinking this applies to all people. I am happy for those to whom it applies but I wish people would stop saying things like this.
May on March 27th, 2009 12:59 am

I really liked the video by Kelly Corrigan. It was really well written.
Christine Scaman on March 27th, 2009 11:04 am

Hi, Karen,

THANKS for speaking your mind ! You’re right that nothing applies to everyone, nor should it. There’s something rather liberating in your feelings. It’s a bit like reaching a lifestage where the realization dawns on you that your parents’ opinion of you no longer matters.

I don’t look back often, maybe never. My family tells me I’m the most insensitive of us all. But I have wonderful friends who admit to having trouble keeping their lives together since the loss of a parent. I’m thankful that I don’t have that struggle, and neither do you.

May,

I agree !! It really sneaks up on you. In keeping with my insensitivity , I don’t have a lot of space for “shlock-iness” or what seem to me to be transparent emotional ploys. I guess that would be called your tearjerker.

This letter was not artificial in the least. It was about what life is really about, spoken in a completely uncontrived way. You could hear the room becoming more and more silent as she spoke.

Thanks for the comment.