RSSChristmas With Family
December 15, 2008
Why is it always right before a holiday that my weight is right where I want it? Back in September when I looked down at my body and wondered whose it was and how my head got attached to it, I thought I’d never feel my strength again. I believe there’s a 2 week setback headed our way.
And why is it that I handle stress so much better when my weight is in a decline, when I’m a little hungry all the time? I bet there’s a physiologic explanation but it eludes me. Kind of off topic, but still true. I wonder about it because the difference is dramatic.
Road trip!
In a van reeking of rose, which Bill won’t detect because his sense of smell only has 2 settings : Skunk / No Skunk , we’re driving to PEI. In a little minivan. With skates, snowsuits, gifts, and a lot of skin care products. If we get home without disease or accident, I consider family trips a fierce success.
The family is delighted with road trips. They eat junk food and watch movies for 20 hours. I am terribly bored. I try to do inner calming exercises. I listen to Josh’s Christmas CD. I’d go in the back and watch the movies but there’s no space. I’ve heard Star Wars Episode 3 eight times and never seen it once. The sounds are grotesque. This time, I bought The Golden Compass.
Once, ten years ago, we tried to drive all night. Oh, right. We were at the Ramada Inn by 10PM. The mother, the most pathetic one in the car, had her own room. Didn’t care if it cost $400 a night. And nobody was allowed in. We haven’t repeated that adventure. We try to not even talk about it.
I’ve Googled all the malls on the way. We’re driving through the US, you see. I love the USA. I’m so happy to be there. Even Wendy’s seems more fun. We usually drive through Canada but that Ottawa to Fredericton stretch is a nightmare of winter driving.
One thing about Christmas bugs me
I thought about what gets on my nerves about Christmas so as to deal with it. I’m a listmaker because it keeps my problems separated and they look more manageable.
Here is my list:
1. It costs too much.
Solution : The gift buying got pared down to the bare minimum. Nobody’s feelings were hurt. Everyone was relieved. We would all like to pare down our list. We live in a world where $20 gifts seem almost cheap and we’re expected to give $80 gifts. Every magazine says so. I give the gifts I sincerely want to give for the pleasure of choosing them and knowing they will be enjoyed. I don’t give a single thing that I have to give.
What kids learn at Christmas
I heard complaints from my offspring that “all my friends get 15 gifts” – ya, well , tough. Get over it. You got 5, less than $200 total. Be glad your parents live together and don’t fight. This is not a grab-all-you-can bonanza.
Being born into wealth is one of the worst things that can befall a child, I think. They are sloshing around in notions of entitlement and have very little sensitivity to anything else.
I don’t deny that the bred-in-the-bone belief that money comes easily has value because that’s the world they’ll reconstruct for themselves as adults. Hopefully they have the creative intelligence to learn what excess means and come to feel the pride that results from work.
I think a lot about what kind of human being I want to be. After all, it is my choice. It is not stamped on my DNA. I lived with a woman when I was in University 20 years ago. She showed me what it means to think about the other guy. People who understand the effect their behavior might have on others, and care enough to alter their actions without turning it into a big sacrifice, have my respect.
I’m sensitive to it in parenting skills also. Children are reared to achieve, to be confident, to express their individuality, to excel, whatever. Nobody has ever introduced the concept that their actions and words might have an effect on other people, nevermind what that effect might be. They’re entirely inwardly focused. They’re driven to be disciplined, to get certain marks, to own certain things so they can be part of certain groups – big deal.
Most of them are a pain to be around. Many, MANY, are outright cruel. They do what makes them feel good in the moment with nary a glimmer that their deeds could have any impact on another living being. Parents allow these little superstars to treat them so condescendingly, it’s embarrassing to watch. These kids certainly don’t deny themselves if they feel their needs must be met, with no hunch about what the greater good could possibly mean. They may be future success stories but they’ve never learned to release their tight grasp on their needs to accommodate someone else or take care with their feelings. They’re clever, but who cares? If they’re at your house, you’re counting the minutes till they go home.
Two Stories
I always say that if I had to choose again, I’d never be a veterinarian. I would be a cosmetic dermatologist. But that’s not true. I really am, or I’ve become, a cat and dog doctor. My mother showed me how to communicate with them. I don’t share too many stories from that world but these two, so opposite, are pertinent.
Muffin is a 10 year old Schnauzer. She’ll bite you if she doesn’t know you, and might try even if she does. That’s ok. Vets spend their first year out of school being eaten alive. After that, they develop faster reflexes than a Jedi. Her owner is an elderly gentleman who has no family. He is not expected to live 3 days. He has cancer. Muffin, who came to this man when her previous owner died of cancer, has been living with the neighbor for a month. Gradually, she has stopped eating. The last thing to go was her desire to play with her ball. There is no money to determine if she has an illness or has simply decided that there’s no point in living. Everything she cared about has been taken away, again – but this time, she’s older and she can’t cope. This isn’t an uncommon situation. Yesterday, it just got to me.
At the far other end of the spectrum, my wonderful colleague and I were discussing Christmas wish lists. Her entire family is coming for Christmas and some gifts in the exchange will be between near strangers. She commented on how hard she was finding it to write her list because “there’s nothing I want”.
She speaks for most of us. “There is nothing I want”. When in the history of the world have humans been able to say that? Our needs are so completely met that we actually would prefer not to receive more “stuff”. Christmas just makes me weepy. I thought about it all day.
Christmastime places an expectation that everyone should find everlasting joy. Easily. At Target. Many won’t. Muffin will probably not be alive.
Find the meaning
For those of you so overwhelmingly blessed that you will be with your family, eating well, sharing gifts that you don’t need, knowing that you have more than everything you want, take 10 minutes in solitude each day to be deeply grateful.
I’ll be back two weeks. I wish for you to find peace in your own thoughts. There’s no price tag worthy of it. Enjoy your families, however you feel about them the rest of the year. Every other thing in life is for sale.
-->In a van reeking of rose, which Bill won’t detect because his sense of smell only has 2 settings : Skunk / No Skunk , we’re driving to PEI. In a little minivan. With skates, snowsuits, gifts, and a lot of skin care products. If we get home without disease or accident, I consider family trips a fierce success.
Read moreI Am A Value Villager
August 28, 2008
If I won $5 million, I couldn’t go back to spending $80 for jeans- and I don’t even want to talk about $400 jeans. I might drive to Value Village in my Nissan Altima – well, no, I don’t really notice cars. Would I arrive wearing a $2000 watch? Possibly, though I’m really loving this Eddie Bauer watch I’ve had for a year.
I bought it because it has a light beam that shines out the front and it has a magnifying glass. I thought it would be a good way to search for ingrown eyelashes on dog eyelids. Strange, I know, but it works. It’s also a good watch. Solid, no fuss or frills, a little menswear, great work watch. Here’s how the magnifier works:
Well, I’d be wearing $200 perfume.
Value Village is a used clothing store, but not just any thrift store. They first opened in California in 1954 and have since taken on a commitment to “provide the best shopping experience and selection of any thrift store in the world”. It’s certainly the best I’ve been in.
So, yes it is used clothing. Yes, much of it, you would never even consider, no different than any other store. Yes, it might smell like a used clothing store. Wear extra perfume and think about the big money you’ll save.
That’s 3 minus points. Here are 9 for the plus side:
1. They have fantastic sales and coupons, with a promo of some sort on almost all the time. The coupon calendar at the end of the year? At $1.99, I buy two.
The cords are Old Navy Bootcut , very light beige. My belt from I don’t remember where.
Isn’t this pattern on the shirt great? I know it’s wrinkled, but I don’t iron. Hey, I get peed and bled on at my work. Who in their right mind would iron?
2. Clothing is not just randomized, or worse, in bins. That makes me crazy. It’s all sorted according to type, size, and color in a system that repeats throughout the store. You can go through the place in 30 minutes once you get that it’s a very consistent landscape.
You can see where the T comes from. The pants are Bluenotes bootcut jeans. The belt is VV too, though I don’t know the make. The belt might be a bit much but I think it works in a Christian Lacroix sort of way.
3. AE, Gap, Banana Republic, Aeropostale, … The place is loaded with this stuff and it’s all less than $10. Sometimes the item has just been washed too many times and you wouldn’t buy it for 25cents. More often, it’s only gently used.
The zip fleece is a dark chocolate brown. The tank cost $5 at Ardene. The rest was less than $5 all together. OldNavy shorts.
4. I have learned about myself that I get bored easily and quickly, regardless of whether the item cost a fortune or not. If I paid $4.99 and wear it once before I decide I don’t like it, there is not a moment’s guilt in putting it in the clothes donation bag. And I don’t get aggravated when my kids do the same, but I sure do if I paid $40 and they decide it’s too tight after 3 wearings.
Gap shirt and great lined-waistband stretch work pants. Here’s a closeup of the shirt, sheer light cotton but not transparent. The belt is from whatever the Northern Reflections mens’ store used to be called years ago.
5. There is no better place for children. They can go off on their own with no fear of what they’ll bring back. There’s no arguing over what they want. At $4-9 for most items, they can have anything they want. In days gone by, my children left their clothes in puddles and their shoes in trees. Was I really going to buy matching little ensembles when the top would have goop on it before they were in the car? Are baby clothes not just a way to keep vomit off them?
Roxy Board shorts ; Old Navy racer back tank was new,cost $10.
6. It’s the best place for pants. 100 pairs, all your size, all pre-shrunk and broken in, Club Monaco, GAP, Garage, JCrew, Ralph Lauren, Old Navy, more Old Navy, all cheap. Pick out 10 pairs, cart them to the dressing room. You’ll find a great pair at least once a month.
This is one of those items I’m drawn to for some strange reason, but I know it’s as ugly as it is nice (some of you might say more so). I put it here because it (along with the header photo) provided the color palette for this website. My brother hates the color of the navigation bars. I’ve read that some degree of color blindness is common among men.
7. If your teens are into vintage or retro, or need a costume for a party, this is your destination. As preteens, mine have become painfully discerning about their clothing, so we have a deal : we look at the VV first. Most often, they find 3 items there that they didn’t know they wanted, and are so grateful that I bought them that they no longer need the original. I am so grateful that the whole bundle cost $22.
This photography gig is killing me. I cannot show you how gorgeous this shirt is. It’s washable silk, really beautiful. It’s the find you stuff in your shopping cart under all your other finds and don’t let it out of your sight till it’s in your car.
Here is a closeup of the fabric with truer colors. It must have cost a fortune new.
8. On the days I find 4 shirts, 3 pairs of pants, a cool belt, 3 books, and a set of serving trays, I buy them all. There’s no choosing this over that.
You’ve heard of Isaac Mizrahi at Target. This is Liz Clairborne at Value Village. Good work shirt. It’s a silk/cotton blend, very light with a slight sheen.
This is Banana Republic at the VV.
9. Hey! It’s good for the planet ! We all have too much, we buy too much, we consume too much. It’s a way to give a little back and get some for you at the same time.
>> cspics
-->If I won $5 million, I couldn’t go back to spending $80 for jeans- and I don’t even want to talk about $400 jeans.Value Village is a used clothing store, but not just any thrift store. They first opened in California in 1954 and have since taken on a commitment to “provide the best shopping experience and selection of any thrift store in the world”. It’s certainly the best I’ve been in.
Read moreThis Month in O, September 2008 : Great Finds, Great Advice!
August 25, 2008
September 2008’s issue of O, The Oprah Magazine is called Get Your Life Back, with features entitled Too Busy To Live and Oprah’s Cure For Feeling Overwhelmed. Now you know why I bought it. Time is the one thing I have the least of and that Oprah doesn’t have any more of than I do. And, she couldn’t buy more if she wanted to.
Those phrases capture the problem for most of us women who are trying to make some changes and figure it all out. WHEN??? Just when are we supposed to do this??
Everything in this issue was terrific. Here’s the short list :
1. Tons of beautiful things I actually would buy and could buy! Many finds under $100 . Handbags, jewelry, wine, furniture even. Fabulous stuff. I think they actually went out of their way to fit into real budgets for the millions of us who really do like Target.
2. The article about Willa Schalit, with her strong and healing presence , empowering women in Rwanda not with charity, but with fair trade. Lovely items, on sale at Macy’s or online.
3. Real life advice on real life questions (questions I actually have!), about money, relationships, speeding morning routines, and health. This is advice you could use, not read and forget. Many myths (like “Will it harm my family that so much of our food is microwaved?”) are deflated with straight up talk.
4. The Yes, You Can section, where O’s creative directore Adam Glassman styles 40-something women is really interesting. The women look real, or as close as modern magazines get. He demonstrates how we can look sexy, or arty, mix prints, and more, without looking ridiculous.
Am I the only one who hopes wide-legged pants is a fancy that will soon pass? Maybe I have an aversion because I remember “baggies” when I was in Grade 9. These look exactly the same. Everything looks good if you’re 5’10” and a size 2, but here’s my whole point : WHO IS???
5. 3 10-minute weight workouts that work arms and legs together. I ripped them out and stapled them together. I’ve been doing a set each day. There’s not even time to sweat! These are good moves that will make a difference. Several are done with eyes closed; presumably, that’s for the balance challenge, without sight to corroborate that upper and lower body are making the right choices at once. There’s also a 10min. Cardio and Yoga plan.
6. The article “Just Say What You Want, Dammit” . A topic every girl and woman I know (including me) could work on. The article was decent, if the examples were a little extreme. The advice was basically “Keep trying”. Because speaking up is such a weak point for so many of us, I just like the reminder to be kept on the front burner.
I can’t read the minds of others and cannot expect them to read mine. It’s not that they won’t. It’s that they can’t. And yet, most of the time, what you do want is just fine with everyone else, and you could have had it with ease if you’d just said something.
In keeping with the theme of the magazine, there are no long, reflective articles to get through. There is one but it anchors the whole featured section on saving time. The rest is snappy but very engaging.
Even Oprah gets overwhelmed (how could she not?). She writes about re-centering herself, getting back into each moment. My brain is almost never in the now. I live in the future. The closest I seem able to get to the present in by acknowledging all the things I have. So much is right in most of our lives that we need to spend more time celebrating that.
What else? I was not even a bit nervous to let my 12year old daughter read the entire magazine. I was pleased that she read it! This never happens.
There’s a Merle Norman ad with a lovely grey eyeshadow for a winter (if you ignore the green).
I can’t remember when I’ve enjoyed a magazine so completely. I think you will too.
-->September 2008’s issue of O, The Oprah Magazine is called Get Your Life Back, with features entitled Too Busy To Live and Oprah’s Cure For Feeling Overwhelmed. Now you know why I bought it. It was worth every cent.
Read moreBook Review : Play Like A Man Win Like A Woman
August 22, 2008
-->The traditional, male way of doing business is not better than ours. Nor is it worse. It may be out-dated. It may not be productive or imaginative from a woman’s perspective. In fact, it may often be ethically and morally wrong. It is still undeniably real and it is a language that women need some functional understanding of to leverage the male corporate establishment.
Read moreSITES TO KNOW : GO FUG YOURSELF
March 21, 2008
Lest I float away on a cloud of enlightenment, I will tell you that there are times when My Deeper Self is nowhere to be found. She’s gone into hiding so I’ll stop prying at her. She feels like she’s being pecked to death by chickens.
This winter, she’s been buried in snow. Does every Canadian feel this way?
Read moreTHIS MONTH IN OPRAH : HOPE, HAPPINESS, AND MORE.
March 6, 2008
I enjoy reading Oprah when I’m in a waiting room but I seldom buy it. I don’t often connect with the topics. Dr. Phil, Suze Orman, retail items I can’t afford, US politics, solutions to problems I don’t have, celebrities I don’t care much about,… But in this issue, I found tons to interest me.
I bought the magazine for one article. “Shift Happens tells of the TED prize. $100,000 and the help to realize a dream are given to 3 people who must propose a world-changing wish.
DO YOU ALLOW SOMEONE ELSE TO CONTROL YOUR MONEY?
February 24, 2008
I recently published an article entitled What Does Money Mean To You? Through the public and private responses and conversations that came from that post, some of which you can see in the Comments following the article, I have become increasingly nervous about my understanding of our own family finances, which is somewhere below moderate.
Does [...]
SARAH JESSICA PARKER IN ALLURE MAGAZINE
February 8, 2008
Has anyone read the interview of SJP in February 08 Allure magazine? I may be the only person in North America who has never seen the TV series Sex and The City, so I don’t know her work well.
I read the article because I’m always fascinated by anyone with a great sense of style. You [...]
STEVE PAVLINA INTERVIEWS JOHN ASSARAF
January 5, 2008
First some background on these people and why you should care about them. I told you about Steve in this article. His website is included in the Sites To Know category.
John Assaraf
John is a speaker, author, entrepreneur, and one of the speakers in the movie The Secret. He has built 4 multimillion dollar companies. His [...]
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