RSSRosalie’s Chicken Soup
December 7, 2009
It is simple and fabulous. In a month of heavy, complicated, demanding, salty, expensive, calorie-burdened food, this is a blessing of a different kind.
Read moreBook Review : Secrets of Six-Figure Women
March 1, 2009
Like many women, understanding any aspect of finance, wealth, or investment by staring at charts and graphs gets me nowhere. Women don’t learn that way. It makes our eyes glaze over, causing the male financial advisor across the table to conclude that we’re bored or too dumb to get it.
Presenting information to us in the way that is effectively presented to men does not work. Bring on the female financial advisors who can explain in pictures, or with stories, and we’ll get it. Women care about money. We may attach odd values to it, but we especially want to look after those we love. We don’t want to be in the dark, but there is a linguistic issue here.
Armed with knowledge and understanding, women will become very powerful in dealing with money (and probably bigger risk-takers than the men). In fact, the more knowledge women have about a topic, the better and more confident their decision-making. Think about this : is the same true for men? I think it’s the reverse, actually.
Barbara Stanny’s book, Secrets of Six-Figure Women: Surprising Strategies To Up Your Earnings And Change Your Life, first published in 2002, does not contain any stock charts. It’s not even about how to invest or manage your money. It enters the picture sooner than that, with how to make the money in the first place by creating an inner change. Fulfillment and empowerment, with very practical and realistic advice on how to get there, are the biggest landmarks on the road to financial success.
Stanny is the daughter of Richard Bloch, one of the founders of H&R Block. Her first husband lost her trust fund through bad investments, leaving her with huge bills and no knowledge of finance. She was forced to face up to a common trait of inherited wealth, namely big insecurity about her ability to support herself. Her journey is recorded in her first book Prince Charming Isn’t Coming : How Women Get Smart About Money , and this one.
Barbara Stanny
For Secrets Of Six Figure Women, Stanny began by interviewing hundreds of women in many income brackets, searching for traits that were common among the high (and low) earners. If you take a group of equally bright, equally educated, very capable women, why is it that some of them will always struggle financially while other will earn ever-rising amounts? Is there a shared set of characteristics that can be found repeatedly among women earning more than $250,000 per year?
Turns out that there are at least 7. And since they’re not personality traits, but rather ways of guiding decision-making, they can be learned.
This is really about finding that thing that you were born to do with love and passion, whether you are paid or not, and from there gaining the self-esteem to charge what you’re worth. Lessons in uncovering your own set of underlying values, in not being a victim, in finding gratitude for obstacles, and so many of the thoughts that resonate strongly with women, are found here.
There are chapters on facing fear and declaring intention, about pulling away the safety net, and about negotiating on your own behalf. The information comes to you through stories about how other women cope with these issues, how they succeeded and how they failed, and what they learned from it.
There is some great advice to be found on speaking up for yourself. This is probably the spot where women are weakest. The biggest reason that men make more money for the same job is this : THEY ASK for it. Until you learn to take yourself seriously, nobody else will either. Learning to do this can be extremely intimidating for girls and for women. Most of us need all the help we can get at using our elbows.
Chapter 11 is entitled Claiming Our Power. With some thoughts about how women lost it in the first place, and continue to give it up to keep the peace instead of compete, and finishing with some beautifully motivating words about taking up your own space to the fullest, Stanny has written a book that any woman who is thinking about her life will find great meaning in. You’ll read many sections that you’ll feel were written for you personally. What would it be like to be at the center of your world and have all the rest spin around you for a change, instead of whirling around the periphery of the lives of everybody else all the time?
This is entirely action-oriented. She knows that failure, rejection, debt, insecurity, and mortgage bills exist but small change is still change. What she really says is this : Women hold themselves back by believing that avoiding stress and responsibility is pro-family. I do that. I know more women who choose this avenue on purpose for this reason. I’m beginning to see that Big doesn’t look like I think it does. Big is where the choices are.
So many of us can feel another woman living inside us that the world has never seen. We keep her buried because we don’t have time to become her, or think about what she’s like, and besides, we’re a little afraid of her. We feel the things she could be, but she’s so far away from the day-to-day role we play that we don’t know where to start. Whether you become a high-earner or not, Secrets Of Six-Figure Women will help you discover Your Deeper Self.
Have a look at Barbara’s blog. She posts about once a month, but it is worth reading. This is money and life advice written for the way women understand and learn. My favorite entry, at the end of this page, is entitled “Fear Got You Stuck?” In it is a line I’ve repeated to myself a thousand times :
What would you do if you weren’t afraid?
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Presenting information to us in the way that is effectively presented to men does not work. Bring on the female financial advisors who can explain in pictures, or with stories, and we’ll get it. Women care about money. We may attach odd values to it, but we especially want to look after those we love. We don’t want to be in the dark, but there is a linguistic issue here.
Read moreChristmas With Family
December 15, 2008
Why is it always right before a holiday that my weight is right where I want it? Back in September when I looked down at my body and wondered whose it was and how my head got attached to it, I thought I’d never feel my strength again. I believe there’s a 2 week setback headed our way.
And why is it that I handle stress so much better when my weight is in a decline, when I’m a little hungry all the time? I bet there’s a physiologic explanation but it eludes me. Kind of off topic, but still true. I wonder about it because the difference is dramatic.
Road trip!
In a van reeking of rose, which Bill won’t detect because his sense of smell only has 2 settings : Skunk / No Skunk , we’re driving to PEI. In a little minivan. With skates, snowsuits, gifts, and a lot of skin care products. If we get home without disease or accident, I consider family trips a fierce success.
The family is delighted with road trips. They eat junk food and watch movies for 20 hours. I am terribly bored. I try to do inner calming exercises. I listen to Josh’s Christmas CD. I’d go in the back and watch the movies but there’s no space. I’ve heard Star Wars Episode 3 eight times and never seen it once. The sounds are grotesque. This time, I bought The Golden Compass.
Once, ten years ago, we tried to drive all night. Oh, right. We were at the Ramada Inn by 10PM. The mother, the most pathetic one in the car, had her own room. Didn’t care if it cost $400 a night. And nobody was allowed in. We haven’t repeated that adventure. We try to not even talk about it.
I’ve Googled all the malls on the way. We’re driving through the US, you see. I love the USA. I’m so happy to be there. Even Wendy’s seems more fun. We usually drive through Canada but that Ottawa to Fredericton stretch is a nightmare of winter driving.
One thing about Christmas bugs me
I thought about what gets on my nerves about Christmas so as to deal with it. I’m a listmaker because it keeps my problems separated and they look more manageable.
Here is my list:
1. It costs too much.
Solution : The gift buying got pared down to the bare minimum. Nobody’s feelings were hurt. Everyone was relieved. We would all like to pare down our list. We live in a world where $20 gifts seem almost cheap and we’re expected to give $80 gifts. Every magazine says so. I give the gifts I sincerely want to give for the pleasure of choosing them and knowing they will be enjoyed. I don’t give a single thing that I have to give.
What kids learn at Christmas
I heard complaints from my offspring that “all my friends get 15 gifts” – ya, well , tough. Get over it. You got 5, less than $200 total. Be glad your parents live together and don’t fight. This is not a grab-all-you-can bonanza.
Being born into wealth is one of the worst things that can befall a child, I think. They are sloshing around in notions of entitlement and have very little sensitivity to anything else.
I don’t deny that the bred-in-the-bone belief that money comes easily has value because that’s the world they’ll reconstruct for themselves as adults. Hopefully they have the creative intelligence to learn what excess means and come to feel the pride that results from work.
I think a lot about what kind of human being I want to be. After all, it is my choice. It is not stamped on my DNA. I lived with a woman when I was in University 20 years ago. She showed me what it means to think about the other guy. People who understand the effect their behavior might have on others, and care enough to alter their actions without turning it into a big sacrifice, have my respect.
I’m sensitive to it in parenting skills also. Children are reared to achieve, to be confident, to express their individuality, to excel, whatever. Nobody has ever introduced the concept that their actions and words might have an effect on other people, nevermind what that effect might be. They’re entirely inwardly focused. They’re driven to be disciplined, to get certain marks, to own certain things so they can be part of certain groups – big deal.
Most of them are a pain to be around. Many, MANY, are outright cruel. They do what makes them feel good in the moment with nary a glimmer that their deeds could have any impact on another living being. Parents allow these little superstars to treat them so condescendingly, it’s embarrassing to watch. These kids certainly don’t deny themselves if they feel their needs must be met, with no hunch about what the greater good could possibly mean. They may be future success stories but they’ve never learned to release their tight grasp on their needs to accommodate someone else or take care with their feelings. They’re clever, but who cares? If they’re at your house, you’re counting the minutes till they go home.
Two Stories
I always say that if I had to choose again, I’d never be a veterinarian. I would be a cosmetic dermatologist. But that’s not true. I really am, or I’ve become, a cat and dog doctor. My mother showed me how to communicate with them. I don’t share too many stories from that world but these two, so opposite, are pertinent.
Muffin is a 10 year old Schnauzer. She’ll bite you if she doesn’t know you, and might try even if she does. That’s ok. Vets spend their first year out of school being eaten alive. After that, they develop faster reflexes than a Jedi. Her owner is an elderly gentleman who has no family. He is not expected to live 3 days. He has cancer. Muffin, who came to this man when her previous owner died of cancer, has been living with the neighbor for a month. Gradually, she has stopped eating. The last thing to go was her desire to play with her ball. There is no money to determine if she has an illness or has simply decided that there’s no point in living. Everything she cared about has been taken away, again – but this time, she’s older and she can’t cope. This isn’t an uncommon situation. Yesterday, it just got to me.
At the far other end of the spectrum, my wonderful colleague and I were discussing Christmas wish lists. Her entire family is coming for Christmas and some gifts in the exchange will be between near strangers. She commented on how hard she was finding it to write her list because “there’s nothing I want”.
She speaks for most of us. “There is nothing I want”. When in the history of the world have humans been able to say that? Our needs are so completely met that we actually would prefer not to receive more “stuff”. Christmas just makes me weepy. I thought about it all day.
Christmastime places an expectation that everyone should find everlasting joy. Easily. At Target. Many won’t. Muffin will probably not be alive.
Find the meaning
For those of you so overwhelmingly blessed that you will be with your family, eating well, sharing gifts that you don’t need, knowing that you have more than everything you want, take 10 minutes in solitude each day to be deeply grateful.
I’ll be back two weeks. I wish for you to find peace in your own thoughts. There’s no price tag worthy of it. Enjoy your families, however you feel about them the rest of the year. Every other thing in life is for sale.
-->In a van reeking of rose, which Bill won’t detect because his sense of smell only has 2 settings : Skunk / No Skunk , we’re driving to PEI. In a little minivan. With skates, snowsuits, gifts, and a lot of skin care products. If we get home without disease or accident, I consider family trips a fierce success.
Read morePeel The Cleaning Slave Label Off Your Forehead
August 14, 2008
So the house is expected to look a certain way and it’s up to you to get it that way? So many of us have designated ourselves as the sole cleaners of our homes. Everyone else is reading or interacting with a screen while we haven’t sat down for two hours, trying to get laundry/lunches/more laundry looked after.
Read more[ KEYWORD : GIVE ]
May 24, 2008
If you read the post on The Price of Happiness, and you tried it out a few times, you may have noticed the tranquility that is derived from being thankful. Maybe you were as surprised as I was by how quickly it happened.
As soon as you feel thankful, you automatically feel looked after and cared for. This knowledge brings you to a sensation of inward peace. I thought about this for awhile and wondered if I could turn the beam outside of my own body.
HOW TO ENERGIZE YOUR THOUGHTS
January 5, 2008
The book The Amazing Power of Deliberate Intent is one of the very few motivational/inspirational materials I have read that I could connect with and incorporate into my own life. As you know from this article, I recommended that you read the book because it is helpful on so many levels. Steve Pavlina’s articles on [...]
Read moreJOSH GROBAN : THE BEST CHRISTMAS CD THIS YEAR
December 14, 2007
I love Josh Groban. How completely unoriginal. The whole package just works, you know? Of course you know. Women fall to pieces over the guy. It’s the hair, right? The hair and the eyes. And the voice. I forgot about the voice for a moment. The best picture is from the background [...]
Read morePRODUCT REVIEW : YOGA DANCE FUSION
December 7, 2007
A beautiful uplifting program Here is one of the most inspired, inspiring workouts I have seen. If you want to get your head into a peaceful and powerful place, I guarantee that this program will get you there. You will not remember feeling so good about yourself or anything else for a long time. [...]
Read moreTHE PRICE OF HAPPINESS…AND OTHER MYTHS
December 6, 2007
Allow me to introduce one of my demons. I beat it down every day, though it doesn’t get very far any more. Now it’s just a joke to me. It goes like this : If things are going too well, there will be a price to pay for it. There are various versions of this [...]
Read moreA FAMILY’S FOOD FOR A WEEK : AROUND THE WORLD
December 1, 2007
I received these pictures in an e-mail. Maybe you got the same one. I was fascinated. I still am. I keep opening the e-mail and looking at these photos. I’m putting them here to begin the celebration of gratitude and sharing that the next 3 weeks will bring to us. Look at the pictures with your [...]
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