RSSWhy You Should Be Drinking Kefir
January 4, 2010
I don’t for a moment buy into the marketing concept that younger is better, or that aging is bad. I most definitely do line up with the belief that healthier is better. Not the same thing. I think this is something we should be doing, with a big long-term health payoff.
Read moreMidlife Re-Invention (There Is No Crisis)
April 12, 2009
I’m a doctor who wants to own a makeup and color company. I’m a sucker for every transition success story ever told.
More Canada April 2009 is about Joyful Re-invention (click on the magazine cover pic to see a list of contents). It was about finding ways to make change a happy thing. One brilliant woman left her job in Vancouver, moved to Paris to give guided tours to women tourists of the city she loved. Everyone tried to talk her out of it, of course. She’s swamped, of course. These business ideas are no-brainers. Every city needs this. The whole province of PEI needs it.
Also a good piece on why women tend to be very successful in our second careers, risk-averse that we are (or maybe because of it). And a good article on how the cost of buying mangoes and avocadoes in Canada in December will become out of reach as the cost of transportation and efforts to reduce emissions skyrocket, meaning we need to think of ways to cook rhubarb and beets. The Canadian Model Search Winners seem to be beautiful women in shoes that don’t feel good.
Welcome the midlife change
We all feel a ground tremor right about now. It could be the best thing that’s ever happened. It prevents the next 40 from being just more of the last 40. Some impatience and craziness is natural. It’s the energy for the change. The fact that we can even HAVE a re-invention, let alone a crisis, is a step forward. We have the possibility to live differently.
Maybe the crisis is pointing you in a bad direction, making you do things you know you shouldn’t. Yes, we all have a right to be happy, but sometimes these actions aren’t going to get you anywhere better. It may look better but listen to your gut telling you it’s going to be a pit of snakes. Listen if all your friends tell you it’s a pit of snakes. If you think you’re coming unhinged, get some solid counseling. If nothing anyone says registers anymore, speak to someone other than well-meaning friends.
The truth about the bad
Having an affair is the cliché of this lifestage. We have all seen romance give way to practicality, to a business relationship. How could it be anything else with 2 jobs, 3 loans, 3 kids, 4 parents, not enough sleep, and a body that hurts more than it used to? The idea of keeping love alive is fine but that doesn’t mean it exists just the way it did 20 years or even 2 years ago.
Nobody has a better marriage, healthier bank account, or smarter children. They may look like they do. If they say they do, they’re lying. They’re expending a lot of energy and cash to maintain the façade. They probably look at you and think of all the things you have that they don’t. Everyone with children, of almost any age, is walking on the edge for 20 years. Unmarried people can’t possibly get it. They’re just exercising the reckless courage of the non-combattant.
Have sensible expectations and remember that nothing stays the same. Romance will be lost from a marriage in the years with young kids. The exhaustion is nauseating. Thursday Date Night becomes Thursday Fight Night. It’s temporary. Just get through the day.
Remember that you’re not doing this alone. Your feelings may be so strong that you think no else has them. It is normal and common to despise your spouse and visualize his death. It is normal and common to dream of having an apartment of your own where nobody bugs you. It is normal and common to believe that you’d be happy to never ever have sex again. Nobody is willing to come out and say it but as soon as someone does, everyone has a story. It is also temporary. Wait it out.
Reframe the picture
Aging is the best thing that’s ever happened to me – but I recognize not everyone feels that way. I’m tired a lot, in Doctor’s offices every 3 months, have lines on my face and age spots, and I could care less. The thing I look forward to most on Friday night is getting into my bed at 8. If all that stuff is the admission ticket to where I’m going, I’ll pay it twice.
You can choose to dwell on the many wonders of youth, but to say it was ALL good would be untrue. The older folks like to remind us that “things were better 50 years ago”. Pffft. Who would go back there, especially as a woman? To a 50 year old, a 25 year old is still a kid, with all the limitations of kids.
If your age causes you to suspect that you’re less than you once were, others will feel the same way. Will you create the very thing you fear? Will you attract what you least want? In thinking about aging as something uninvited, in trying always to evade it, you will bring the negatives closer. Don’t dwell on what you don’t want for too long because next thing you know, you’ll be living it.
The hurricane in your head
Believe in the power that’s there. Feel it physically. Let yourself change and the past not be enough. You are setting yourself free of it. That ship has sunk. Swim away. Swim towards that sunny island.
Could we learn to just be proud to be given the chance to get old? It is denied to so many. The privilege of seeing one’s children grow to adulthood should never be taken for granted. At one time, I thought my obstacles were mountains. If I could but see them clearly, I thought I could dismantle them. Today, I see that there are no mountains. There never were. The landscape is warm and abundant and the fabric is unbelievably rich.
-->I’m a doctor who wants to own a makeup and color company. I’m a sucker for every transition success story ever told.
More Canada April 2009 is about joyful re-invention. Great articles abound.
When You Know You’re Rich
April 9, 2009
For her 15th birthday, my daughter wanted to sponsor a child with World Vision. This would be the same child whose favorite activity is watching Ice Road Truckers with her father.
Having more than enough
Barira is a 10 year old girl from Niger who sits on our fridge and looks out. It’s somehow ironic that she adorns the food repository. Her father farms as does my husband so she connected with all of us. He can’t feed his family in a good year and nor can Canadian farmers, but of course the scale is completely different. We know that.
We wanted to send a birthday gift. It had to be flat for mailing and not extravagant. My daughter wanted a musical singing birthday card, which I feared would scare the pants off the child. We find ourselves at the Dollar Store trying to find something not too extravagant.
We are TOO rich to find a gift for this little girl. Everything seems wasteful and excessively adorned. For us it’s disposable, for her unimaginably frivolous. In the cheapest store there is, where we could afford anything, our wealth is still too great to find an appropriate gift. Your whole frame of reference changes when you know what “too rich” actually feels like.
Money and the Law of Attraction
I’ve been reading Jerry and Esther Hicks’s recent Money and the Law of Attraction : Learning to Attract Wealth, Health, and Happiness. The book is as good as any of the previous and doesn’t rehash the old material. There are a lot of new ideas here, presented in their most practical and possible style.
I really like this stuff because it helps me get through the day with a real undercurrent of openness and joy. People who know me are ROTFL right now. Well, I’ll have you know I really am joyful. If I look more intense than joyous, it’s because I’m part Winter.
I’ve learned to find the best things about what I do, even the things I like less (except producing meals day after day). I’ve learned that we all create our own reality. I don’t have to feel bad for others who aren’t getting what they want because they can make different choices anytime they want to. What’s happening to them isn’t happening to me because I didn’t make their choices. I know nobody can block me or even slow me down from getting what I want because nobody controls the Universe – as a result, I am never irritated by the behavior of others. That’s quite a cathartic milestone right there.
How others have failed me is never important, only how I’ve failed me. There is never a need to get involved in the actions of others, only in my reaction to them. I do have control of my character, every aspect of it. Everything I’ve sent out there, good and bad, is on a trajectory aimed at my face. Energy stays equal so what goes out comes back in kind.
In this clip from the Abraham-Hicks site’s video clips, watch the 11th clip from the top on the right side. The video title is the same as the book, an excerpt from the DVD. Listen to how she (Abraham) answers the question at the end.
When does the creating start?
Though I thank Jerry and Esther for modeling such a powerful and easy way to learn calmness and happiness, I’ve run up against a question I can’t answer. This is it : I can’t think of anything I’ve manifested or attracted. However my life changed, it changed because I stuck my claws out there and made a few attempts to drag something in and finally got a hook that stuck. It never just came with “ease” (and by ease, I do not mean absence of effort; more like, you just looked up one day and there it was, like it had been there all along).
It didn’t come with struggle or worry either. I love doing it. I love the ride and my river moves fast because there’s a lot I want. I’m reading the money book to attract more of money to stay in the raft. Money is an energy (infinite) not a resource (finite). It’s flowing in the streets, kind of like guns. Just because you don’t have one doesn’t mean there’s a shortage of them. How many guns I have doesn’t affect how many you can have.
I live wealth like it’s happened. I look at my house, I see a castle. I used to worry that I wouldn’t be able to afford to educate my kids, but a friend said “Who do you know that didn’t go to University because they couldn’t afford it?”. I stopped worrying.
I quite get what they mean by Leading Edge. My toes are touching the line. I’m not impatient. Our needs are more than met and that’s the only story I tell. I’ve found that thing in life that I would do even if I weren’t paid. We CAN make things just by thinking about them, I’m convinced of it.
The question is not how to get more money, though to realize my dream will take more than I have. It’s how to have it appear by thought, not action. Nothing is getting created that I didn’t build. No doors are presenting themselves, closed or open, that I didn’t go out and ferret out. How will I manifest money if I can’t manifest anything else?
Was the manifestation that I chose these actions and not those actions? You could say that I manifested everything I live. Yes, right thinking brings right actions. There is just no feeling of letting it happen. I made it happen. And, anyone who has manifested money can measure it by the ways of our physical world. I have yet to manifest a cent.
Realizing a downstream dream
My Easter will be spent becoming a Color Analyst. If women could see themselves as their most effective, beautiful, powerful best, I’d be happy. That’s the vision I have of them when I meet them. That’s what I want to help them do – and learn to resist the marketing onslaught that makes us think age is more ugly, more abnormal, and more weak than youth. Aging, or more precisely “anti-aging”, is a marketing phenomenon and nothing else.
My speaking tour will be called You : Gorgeous And Fearless. Everything will turn out fine, but when does the manifesting/creating begin???
So, Abraham, from a purely intellectual perspective, what are we supposed to think next? The bank account is going down but I can ignore it with ease. I could sell the piano on eBay but that feels upstream so I won’t do it. Will it have to reach a crisis before I manifest something? Does the room have to be completely empty before the new furniture can fit? I don’t mind waiting but you might take the line “as early as tomorrow” out of your teachings.
Is this like dieting? You can start tomorrow but you won’t look different for a month. Until the new eating kicks in, you will look like your old eating patterns. In the same sense, until the new thinking starts to shift the Universe, life is still bringing you the rewards of your old thinking ways.
Keep your day job. And your fat pants.
-->Though I thank Jerry and Esther for modeling such a powerful and easy way to learn happiness, I’ve run up against a question I can’t answer. This is it : I can’t think of anything I’ve manifested or attracted. However my life changed, it changed because I stuck my claws out there and made a few attempts to drag something in and finally got a hook that stuck.
Read moreBook Review : Staging Your Comeback
February 26, 2009
The full title of Christopher Hopkins’ book is Staging Your Comeback : A Complete Beauty Revival For Women Over 45.
If you don’t know the book by Hopkins (a.k.a. The Makeover Guy), you have several hours of hugely enjoyable reading and thinking ahead of you. It recognizes our particular needs in a terribly honest way. He’s not too big with indulgence either, the talk is straight up, as in “ …you are not the right temperament for hair color.” Fun moments abound.
You will read some pretty raw admissions (“I am no longer interested in attention from men.”). The makeovers begin with 12 mommies and grannies, women way out at one end of the I-let-myself-go spectrum. He’s got every Before stereotype covered and achieves 12 remarkable transformations.
Check out the Befores right here. See you in about an hour.
Christopher proves that it’s not only certain men and women who can be more attractive than ever as they age. It’s all of us. Every single one. We make excuses for why we don’t care what we look like but the only result is to further and further weaken ourselves.
Nobody cares how old you think you look. We all know that’s a choice. If you don’t want it to be that way anymore, this is the guy to help take you through a transition.He has vision and imagination. There is so much that can be done before you even think about seeing a dermatologist for Botox or fillers. It doesn’t cost that much money. You use face cream anyhow, right? You do get haircuts, don’t you? We all go out in sweats and sneakers sometimes but there are a thousand small differences that matter.
What I love about this book:
1. The women are real. They’re not suspiciously gifted with wonderful skin or fabulous eyes just waiting to be revealed. You know me. I have little use for anything that’s not Real World, unless it’s meant as an entertaining diversion.
2. He’s brutally honest about what age does to bodies but still respects and enjoys the company and confusion of older women. You also know that I love aging, which I see as an opening of doors. And I love older women and their mind-blowing and completely unrecognized (especially by themselves) potential.
3. There doesn’t appear to be any Photoshopping going on, at least not too obviously. A beauty book with a pixel of Photoshop is rendered useless, IMO. Right away, the whole thing is out of reach.
4. He really really gets how to wear clothes, not just for aging but for all body types. Here’s one I never knew, but it’s obvious when he says it as all correct ideas are : The tighter your sleeves, the bigger your chest. OK, I can use that.
5. The pictures are bona fide, cringe-worthy renditions of the I’m-too-busy/old/young/comfortable/ugly/hot – to care. They are not forgiving or concealing anything. I got a few jolts because I think I saw me.
6. He’s not trying to get you to spend useless money. Quite the opposite actually. One of my favorite lines, “In the beauty industry, live and learn is taboo. Forget and buy is the name of the profit game.”
7. It’s comprehensive. The clothes, shoes, bra, buttons, hair, makeup, nail polish… all covered. He hits on every cliché and has noticed every detail.
8. The hair chapter is outstanding. If there’s anything that we all get wrong in every conceivable way, and that ages us the most, it’s hair. He covers it all, from color to cut, with a very comprehensive discussion of the very common problem of thinning hair.
9. He’s heard every comeback. He’ll tell you your fears before you tell him. Your objections get pretty weak when they’re No. 5 and 8 on the Exposing Your Excuses list.
10. His goal is to give you things you can do yourself. He just wants you to see differently, where seeing yourself is the hardest thing of all. He’s never showing himself off.
11. He’s funny. I spewed my smoothie on the line about the biscuits.
12. He can be brutally honest, ( I know I said that already) , almost sarcastic, in trying to get these women to see that they are so much more than they believe. Your best friend can say things nobody else can, not strangers or family, because you know he/she loves you and you can entrust him/her to take care of your feelings. Nothing is held back.
13. He doesnt’ see what is. He see what is possible. Possibility is what it is all about. Learning, change, it’s all in honor of what is possible. And there are very few limits.
See the man himself on YouTube.
He says his frustration with makeovers is that women don’t continue to practice what they learned, they just go back to the familiar. It may be because the transformation is too much of a leap to adjust to, too much like a fantasy. It can’t be incorporated into the woman’s life fast enough, so it just gets forgotten like a dream or a week on a Carribean island. Even I couldn’t maintain myself in the After Pics and I already use all this stuff. If you presently wear no makeup but would like to try, you’ll need a friend who knows how to do this or a makeup artist. Ask around. Book a private appointment, not a MAC counter on a Saturday afternoon.
Another reason women don’t stay with the changes is the time it takes. I don’t know about you but my tightest commodity is time. Change does take time. It takes trial and error and error and error too. So take on one thing at a time, and pretty soon, you’re in a whole new place, looking back and thinking “That WAS me but it isn’t me anymore.”
He writes a blog. I liked this post on aging. Considering the world of appearance that he lives in, he finds a good balance.
His personal experience with plastic surgery, the new addiction, and how easy to go a little too far with just a little more is here.
Enter the Sweepstakes to win a makeover with him!! for US residents only (how could they?).
We’re not trying to look 21. Or 31. We’re trying to look like fantastic 40’s , 50’s , and beyond. OK, maybe a fantastic 60 does look 50, but not 30!!
Sometimes the way you look IS what’ s holding you back. It’s not a symbol of the shallowness and superficiality of our world. This is completely internal. The whole thing is happening inside yourself. It’s your message to your subconscious that you’re slowing down, that you don’t see yourself or your future as worth the effort. If you believe the future looks just like the present, why expend the energy?
What you believe about the world makes it the way it is for you. If you can sincerely say “I like my life and I don’t want anything to be different, ever, not one single thing”, then you’re doing fine. Otherwise, change starts with you. You don’t have to see or know the endpoint. You don’t have to absorb the entire scope of possibility immediately. You are just signaling your subconscious that you’re changing your brain waves. It will get it. It works for every human being and it will work for you. It never doesn’t work.
If you look like you can take on more, this could be the first step in convincing yourself that it’s true. We’ve all seen (or been) the woman who got an amazing haircut but didn’t keep it because she couldn’t match her personality to that cut. Certain behaviors accompany, and are expected of, certain appearances. Amazing, subtle, and true.
Everyone else automatically believes what you believe about you - I mean, what your subconscious believes. You can strut all you like; if your subsconscious has doubts, that’s what others will hear. Can you know ahead of time where the break in the clouds will happen? No, that’s not part of the deal. All you’re doing is saying “I want the cloud cover to lift. I’m ready to think about a new chance.”
By the end of the book, you feel like you’ve travelled a little journey of empowerment with these women. He has given them back so much pride in themselves. In the After pics, they’re laughing and moving and playing in ways they probably never would have again.
-->
If you don’t know the book by Hopkins (a.k.a. The Makeover Guy), you have several hours of hugely enjoyable reading and thinking ahead of you. It recognizes our particular needs in a terribly honest way.
The makeovers begin with 12 mommies and grannies, women way out at one end of the I-let-myself-go spectrum. He’s got every Before stereotype covered and achieves 12 remarkable transformations.
When Anger Is The Easiest Way
February 23, 2009
I used to be a very angry person. I wasted two years or so on allowing a poisonous emotion to get hold of me. How embarrassing.
Finding strength in anger
It wasn’t trivial. I think the culmination was that we were forced to sell our farm, and a great deal more besides. I was furious with the world for having taken away what my husband had taken 18 hours a day for 25 years to accomplish. I felt sorry for him. I was afraid that we would lose our home. I felt sorry for myself, plain and simple.
Anger is easier than confusion, fear, and hurt. It gives you enormous strength. It was also the easiest reaction, the “all-about-me “ comeback. Maybe it came from exhaustion. You don’t always have the energy to devise imaginative solutions. It’s easier to pretend that you’re born with a certain personality and you can’t control it, any more than where your freckles are.
It becomes a habit, part of your self-identity. It becomes too comfortable. It’s your crutch, always there when you need it, just waiting for you to call. It’s your new security blanket.
Defining point
Eventually, I refused to recognize that anything good could happen. If it did, I’d feel compelled to add some grudge comment like “Well, it won’t last”.
I had to reach for some kind of other feeling. We all know what that angry woman looks like, inside and out. Sometimes she’s very young. She trusts no one. She’s easily provoked. She’s quick to assign blame and can find fault anywhere. She looks for things to flare over so she can keep the fire stoked. Once the flame starts to go down, the fear of having to take a close look at herself is too destabilizing.
We have watched that too many times and seen what it does to her. It wears her down, keeps her alone, and kills her slowly. I recognize this woman now because I used to be her. It’s like writing about being a teenager… I remember it but I can’t fully understand anymore. When I meet her, I don’t know how to help her.
Anger became her relief valve (and her revenge valve) on a world that didn’t come through. Now, she’s worn out from fighting all the time, though her opponent is usually herself. She drains others of energy because she can’t contain all her anger and some sneaks out irrationally now and again. People are careful around her, and pretty soon, they sidestep coming round at all. She keeps them on eggshells to avoid her nasty remarks. She learned that power play so she got treated gently and her fragility was respected.
If she’s not mad at the world for failing her, then she’s mad at everyone around her for not doing what she thinks they should. Internal conversations are bent on getting them to see things her way. She imagines the world is trying to hone in on the remains of her little piece of the pie and she’s going to protect it if it kills her.
Releasing
I had to choose. It takes big energy to maintain that level of bitterness and exclude all that is good in the world. I was becoming someone I didn’t want to be. Rage excuses habits in the treatment of others that discredits Your Deeper Self, the real you. Feeding fury is self-defeating.
I forced myself to think about what was good. I didn’t begin seeing much of it but there was always something. For a year, all I said was “There’s food in the fridge, the house is heated, the family is fine. I have everything I need.”
This goes beyond composure and restraint. Serenity comes from a deeper spring where no time is given to judging whether the world meets our expectations. We all worry about something but this moment, right now, is sufficient.
We know that angry woman. Don’t be her. Anger and disappointment are the most aging things out there.
Every hand’s a winner and every hand’s a loser. It just depends what you do with it.
-->We have watched that angry woman too many times and seen what it does to her. It wears her down, keeps her alone, and kills her slowly. I recognize this woman now because I used to be her. It’s like writing about being a teenager… I remember it but I can’t fully understand anymore. When I meet her, I don’t know how to help her.
Read moreInterview With A Makeup Artist 1
January 3, 2009
If ever you find yourself in or near Prince Edward Island, Canada, make sure your eyebrows have grown out and you bring your whole makeup bag with you.
Position of PEI in Canada (dark dot in the East) linked to Wikipedia page.
You can pay a visit to makeup artist extraordinaire, Jenepher Reynolds. She’ll give you the most perfect eyebrow shape and color for your face, talk to you about your hair color, suggest what makeup to keep and what to turf, and create any look you request on your face (everyday, monochromatic, makeup for photos, evening, whatever you can dream up).
Search her name on this site and you’ll see several articles where her products or advice are mentioned. She brings experience from retail, the modeling world, and the field of makeup for cosmetic surgery. A 42 year old woman herself, she understands how the face and skin change over the years. She gets that you’re busy, don’t have an unlimited budget, and want to look polished, not painted.
Jenepher Reynolds
Her approach is definitely understated and highly customized to the woman she is working with. We all have our insecurities, our preferences, and our openness to change. Though she works with her own line of makeup, there is no upsell here. In fact, she’s used products she knows I own over and over in different ways. A matte brown powder can be an eyeshadow, a liner, a contour, a bronzer, or used to tone down a too-vibrant blush.
It was my privilege entirely that Jenepher found some time to speak with me in July of last summer.
1. You’ve worked at the Elizabeth Arden, Versace, Guerlain counters in various cities. Why did you leave a retail environment?
JR: For various reasons. The single biggest reason was that women doubted your advice because they thought you were always trying to make a sale. No matter your level of skill or sincerity, it was hard to break through that wall of suspicion that you were just in it for the commission. The truth of the matter is that most department store makeup artists, or salespeople, take pride in giving correct advice.
Second, I left department stores because I wanted to work in freelance makeup doing commercials, print ads, etc.
Third, there was an intimidating atmosphere, an aura of inapproachability and status with the prestige of some of those labels. This wasn’t in keeping with my personal feeling that makeup doesn’t place some people above others. Expensive makeup isn’t necessarily better. Makeup is about helping you feel good no matter who you are or how much money you have or pretend to have. I wasn’t comfortable with a sales technique of intimidating people into purchasing product.
2. What are the biggest obstacles encountered by women over 40 being who would like to be comfortable with makeup?
JR: There are two.
The last time many women enjoyed makeup, had time to play and experiment, and learned what suited them was in high school. As time passed, they got busy and continued using the same products and techniques because they worked back then. But colors have evolved. Application techniques have progressed. And a woman’s face at 40 is different than at 20 – not better, not worse, just different. Those colors and applications that worked 20 years ago are not flattering any more, or at least not as becoming as other options might be.
3. And the second reason?
JR: Plain old fear. Women don’t want to look silly so staying with the familiar is at least safe. They’re not sure how to find the colors that suit them best now, given changes with hair color and style and skin color and texture.
What you need is someone who will see you objectively, see you as you look today. How you used to look isn’t relevant. Even women who have adapted their makeup to their changing face can have difficulty letting go of a rut they got comfortable with.
The solution for both situations is solved by seeing a makeup artist. For many women, accepting the suggestions of an artist, a stranger who is seeing them for the first time, is very difficult. They really have strong convictions that they need that dark lipliner or dusty rose blush. It’s the job of the makeup artist to evaluate the woman’s degree of comfort with change and with her appearance.
Get recommendations for makeup artists from women you trust, just as you do for hair stylists, and then let them do their work. You don’t fix your own toilet, and you don’t stand there questioning the repairman’s every move while he’s doing it. You’re paying professionals to take their advice, not your advice, right? Go with an open mind. Don’t wash off the makeup till a friend has seen it, a friend that you trust for ruthless, honest feedback.
4. What are the biggest makeup mistakes you see?
JR: Rings around the eyes [heavy eyeliner]. Rings around the mouth [heavy lipliner]. Shimmer on skin that can’t take it. Foundation colors chosen by holding the bottle against your face at the drugstore. “Dusty rose” blush on every face. Beyond those, it varies by individual.
5. What are the most important changes you suggest for mature faces?
JR: There are two guidelines to keep in mind because they apply to almost every woman over 40 years old. The first key to attractive makeup is keeping the color deposit light. Literally using a light touch will result in softer color deposition. Avoiding products that are not too heavily pigmented and colors that are not dark or matte for that skin tone are important too. A heavy-handed application will show in the final result.
The second principle is using smudged definition of features. Distinct, obvious lines look harsh. Given that the soft appearance of youth is lost with age, hard lines are too noticeable and can be aging. Softened lines are youthful and forgiving of changes in skin texture.
You may have found some things you recognize in yourself already. You’ll find more in the second half.
Since you’re in PEI having a gorgeous makeup application, be sure to visit the amazing beaches! Miles of white and red sand, warmer water than anywhere North of Virginia, and sunsets you’ll never forget … the gentle natural beauty of this spectacular place is completely accessible to anyone.
Jenepher can be contacted privately at on the AboutFace site. If you have questions or personal beauty challenges that we can all learn from, please post them in the comments so Jenepher can address them there.
-->If ever you find yourself in or near Prince Edward Island, Canada, make sure your eyebrows have grown out and you bring your whole makeup bag with you. You can pay a visit to makeup artist extraordinaire, Jenepher Reynolds.
She will create any makeup look you can think of, design perfectly shaped and colored brows, and explain how to choose your best makeup colors. You will look polished, not painted.
Bulgarian Rose Oil
November 17, 2008
I do not have cancer. I now have to wait till tomorrow for the IUD to be placed. I’m secretly hoping that angelic intervention whispers to do nothing, and everything will go back to normal. But it won’t. It will all happen again within 6 months. This, I know.
Health and shopping update
Still taking 1 High-Dose Pill a day. And still bleeding by the way, but manageably. Considering the many responses and conversations I’ve had about all this, and how bored my GYN is with news of profuse bleeding for a month straight, I’ve realized this must be very commonplace among women approaching menopause.
Who knew? Does anyone remember their mother going through this?? I really do not. My mother did not discuss these matters in public or in private. Nowadays, we publish the news on our websites. People once worried so much about privacy. Now, there is a generation who barely knows what it is, or why anyone would care. They attach no value to it, to which facebook attests. This why they envy celebrities while I feel pity for them.
Photo byluis perez
My GYN has the meanest dragon of a secretary, unless you cry in which case, I’m told she turns nice. I so dislike women who become unpleasant when they feel the slightest frisson of authority. I have an aversion to that boring and unoriginal power play. I object to that eminence up there on the self-important high horse. Funny she’d have gotten away with it for this long. By the time women are at the GYN’s office, they are in no mood to be trifled with. Dragons are the least of our worries.
In the meantime, the bleeding and broccoli eating must continue. So must the internet shopping. I bought several products made of pure organic Rose Oil from Bulgaria this week. Oh, gosh, I may have lost my mind.
Happiness smells like roses
I have an emotional attachment to the scent of rose because PEI, where my heart and soul reside and always will, is covered with wild roses.
Rose fragrance can go from prissy to cool in a heartbeat. Variations include soapy (Bulgari Rose Essentielle perfume), prickly (Chloe’s latest scent, so I’ve read and am badly wanting to test), musky (Rush 2), unrecognizable (Chanel 5), and single note/slightly boring (Stella).
I had a massage with rose oil 3 years ago and have never forgotten it. The sense of comfort and well-being was unbelievable, and this was an RMT I had seen many times. I’ve asked for it with other RMT’s but was told that it’s a very expensive oil, and only aromatherapists would carry it. I felt I NEEDED it again now, for therapeutic reasons. I found it at Alteya, The Bulgarian Rose Oil Experts.
The fragrant oil of rose petals is said to have a psychological effect, reducing irritability and PMS symptoms, calming grief and anger, and easing tension and stress. So you now know why I’m using it. It is supposedly good for many skin problems too, especially for mature or sensitive skin.
What I bought
Back: Rose Water, Mid: Hand Butter, Rose Absolute Essential Oil, Rosehip Seed Oil, Front:Lavender Lip Balm
1. Rose Water – This is made from the steam distillation of fresh rose blossoms. I cannot describe how amazing this smells. It is divine but very potent, to the point of being heady. You get a big jug (500 ml) to use as toner, as a scalp massage, or in the bath. You even get recipes of how to use it in food, such as to make Rose Water Syrup. I only use a tiny bit in the bath or mixed with another cream.
2. Rose Oil Hand and Foot Butter – a smaller jar, but very rich and dense. It looks like beeswax or paraffin, rather than cream or lotion. The smell of this product, like the essential oils themselves, is less of the traditional canned rose scent you think of. It smells greener, fresher, like wild roses rather than cultivated roses. A tiny amount goes a long way. It’s softening and a tiny bit greasy, but much less oily than olive or coconut oil applied directly to the skin. I mix it in my Paula’s Choice Hydrating Treatment Mask which is my Hand and Foot cream of choice. It’s like being at the spa every night.
3. Rose Absolute Oil – again, this does not smell like cultivated roses. The aroma is of wild roses, but greener (like the leaves), and earthier (like you can smell a little of the dirt). I put a little on my pillow. I’ve actually been trying it as perfume too and nobody has been standing further away than usual.
In the same way that roasted garlic provides a beautiful background to the raw garlic and other flavors in a Caesar salad, I’ve been wearing this oil along with Bulgari Rose Essentielle, a favorite day scent. It’s tremendous if I say so myself. The scents are similar enough to work well together but there’s a gorgeous depth that the Bulgari alone can’t provide. This discovery opens up a whole new world of mixing perfumes with complementary oils to create new and individual scents. Uh-oh.
4. Rose Otto - did I need both the Otto and the Absolute? No, but I was having a fit. Bulgarian Rose Otto is the highest quality Rose Essential Oil in the world. It comes in a wax-sealed little bottle with a certificate of purity.
Rose Otto and Rose Absolute are extracted from rose petals by different chemical processes. Because of the high heat used to produce Rose Otto, it smells less like fresh roses than the Absolute.
It takes 60,000 roses to produce 1 oz. of Rose Otto. Think of it.
5. Organic Lavender Lip Balm was included as a free gift! The Alteya group deal in lavender as well as rose. The balm is lovely. I don’t like flowery tastes as a rule, but this is fine and feels good.
6. Rosehip Seed Oil – that actually came from a different store that I’ll tell you about below. Turns out Rosehip Oil is very interesting.
Photo bymalfet
Rose hip tea is believed to aid digestion and boost immunity. Since rosehips have anti-inflammatory activity, people have used them in various forms for the pain of sore joints and in coping with allergies. The oil of the rosehips contains a form of retinoic acid and certain fatty acid substances. Is it the same form of retinoic acid as in Renova or Retinol? Does it need to be converted in some way, and does the body carry out that conversion? I don’t know, but the worst it can do is probably nothing. It’s been used particularly to help aging skin with age spots and wrinkles – it’s clear that I really couldn’t go another day without the stuff, and why have I waited so long?
I was beyond happy to see that the Paula’s Choice page on Natural Ingredients includes Rosehip Oil in its list of beneficial ingredients for skin.
While I was having this fit and certain that I couldn’t be complete without Rosehip Seed Oil. I found it here, at Mountain Rose Herbs. Look at this nice store. I like their Sustainability page. Here are the wiki page for Rosehip Seed Oil and the Mountain Rose info page.
This oil disappears into the skin very quickly, surprisingly quickly. You can almost see it being absorbed. I begin to understand the point of view of women who buy organic products that are safe enough to eat. It smells nothing like roses. To me, it smells like a mixture of olive oil and coffee. I’m using it as a serum, on face, arms, neck, and upper chest at night, before moisturizer. You could use it in the daytime too, but maybe not on your face because it has a golden tinge.
It would be worth buying without the drama.
Because it feels good
When you feel rough, it’s important to do what feels good. Stress destroys you quite literally by squeezing hard on your adrenal glands and flooding you with cortisol. Somehow, you have to separate the crap from the real peaceful steady you. Once it’s assimilated and has become part of you, it’s awfully hard to dislodge.
You could decide that, “This bad thing is happening right now, but I don’t need it for anything. I’ll keep it at a distance, deal with it when I need to, and ignore it the rest of the time. Eventually, I’ll look back at it”. My rose cocoon places a screen between myself and my issues.
If rose oil is soothing and reassuring, then it’s doing something. Ease and serenity bring peace of mind without calories, and an atmosphere where healing can take place. You can feel a harmonious vibration all around you. All matter is vibration of subatomic particles, including ourselves. All thought is vibration of the magnetic field produced when current flows down a wire, whether that wire be made of copper or nerve. What we need is to line up all these vibrations, or use them to our benefit.
As I sit here surrounded by the litter of 8 packages of Peanut M&M’s, I am obviously not completely on track. I’m not all adrift either : it’s got to be less fattening to eat 8 packages of chocolates in 1 day rather than 2 packages a day for a week.
I had a massage with rose oil 3 years ago and have never forgotten it. The sense of comfort and well-being was unbelievable. The fragrant oil of rose petals is said to have a psychological effect, reducing irritability and PMS symptoms, calming grief and anger, and easing tension and stress. So you now know why I’m using it. It is supposedly good for many skin problems too, especially for mature or sensitive skin. I felt I NEEDED it now for therapeutic reasons.
Read moreDarker Hair
November 13, 2008
We have a lot of rust in our well water. Although it’s filtered for drinking, it does come through in the shower and my hair absorbs it like a sponge. I’m convinced that the hair I want to be warm chestnut brown is actually pinkish orange.
You cannot tell me these are not the same color, or too freakishly close for comfort.
I’ve been asked to post the hairstyle pictures to go with the cuts. The one above came from here . What can I say, I have a 13 year old image consultant.
The pink hair became a personal obsession. When I spotted that orangutan, something had to be done. That was a Schwarzkopf color. I’ve been told that colors from that line can become too gold too easily.
I’ve had Goldwell and Aveda color in the past and found them just ok.
I was told that Wella makes outstanding haircolor. I found a salon that uses Wella Koleston Perfect. I read some good reviews.
My own hair is boring ashy dark brown with the odd gray hair mixed in.
I chose a darker color than I came in with, actually a combination of two shades, hoping it would last longer and be less obviously pink. The color board showed a huge selection.
This is the best haircolor I’ve ever known. It’s pleasant going on. There’s no burning and barely any smell. It’s only been 2 weeks, but this is the shiniest that color has ever made my hair. The pigments are rich and true and the gray coverage is absolutely perfect. The color has only diluted slightly with washing. It got rid of the processed look that was settling in, and that looks so aging. Really, this is outstanding hair color.
The color was put in the hair in big chunks with foils, leaving the odd piece of original pinkish brown to shoot out between the layers. It’s a great way to transition from one color to the next.
The haircut is a grown out version of this style. I barely even brush it. It’s air dried with some Manipulator (Product Review : Bed Head Manipulator) worked into the ends to make them chunkier. The color does the rest.
While you’re here, take a look at my current favorite hair site. The selection of styles for different lengths is good and the cuts are ones you’d actually consider wearing in the real world.
-->We have a lot of rust in our well water. Although it’s filtered for drinking, it does come through in the shower and my hair absorbs it like a sponge. I’m convinced that the hair I want to be warm chestnut brown is actually pinkish orange.
You cannot tell me these are not the same color, or too freakishly close for comfort.
4 More Makeup Tricks For Mature Faces 2
October 27, 2008
Back in September, I posted an article about eye makeup for older women in The First 4 Ways To Modify Makeup For Age.
Aging faces develop sharper angles because the layer of fat under the skin becomes thinner with time. Applying makeup with sharp lines and edges, be it poorly blended blush or a sharp edge of eyeliner, only emphasizes this feature of aging. Soft blurred edges that dissolve into one another flatter a mature face. This look is more softly rounded which imparts a youthfulness.
I agree with Lauren Hutton that sheer colors are more attractive that a heavy color deposit. When I say “a soft look”, I don’t mean dusty or watery colors. In most cases, unless you’re a Summer, dilute colors add no liveliness to the face at all. “Soft” here means a light hand in putting on the product and using products that don’t put down a heavy layer of pigment. The colors are pure and vibrant but the consistency is diaphanous, or sheer.
Today’s four are about the mouth.
1. Easy on the lipstick. Steer clear of too much or too dark. This is a very difficult look to pull off unless you really know how to balance the rest of the face. Watch out for “old lady” cliché colors like frosty coral, flat pink, and the nondescript burgundy-dusty rose blend.
Since I don’t have time to reapply lip products ever few minutes, but I find a soft, natural color becoming, I look for long-lasting glosses that work (Clinique Glosswear, L’Oreal Color Juice, and L’Oreal Infallible being among of the best in the affordable category) and use lipliner on the whole lip first.
Gloss is often marketed to younger women, so the colors tend to be fresher. The tradeoff is that it’s very difficult to find gloss without frost or sparkle. The cosmetics industry is producing makeup for 25 year olds. Hey, anyone want to put together a makeup line for us? I’m in.
Stick with colors in your season. Once you know which color type you belong to, you can choose colors that are very true (but sheer! they’re not the same, right?) and look great.
A Summer might look at L’Oreal Color Juice in Watermelon Crush. Summer is the group where frost doesn’t add anything. Their coloring is so soft that anything harsh is jarring.
A Spring is looking for a peachy pink. A light gold shimmer is nice on a Spring. Look at MAC Lustreglass in Instant Gold.
An Autumn does better with some metallic than any other because the whole look is toasty, like this.
Metallic goes overboard all too easily in today’s shimmer swamp. Subtle shimmer is always better.
Look at Almay Ideal Gloss in Bronze Shimmer or Lise Watier Plumpissimo Gloss in Bronze. Warm orange-red looks good too, especially for darker Autumns who need more color in makeup to coordinate with the extra intensity in their natural coloring.
It could be this, but even more red.
A Winter wears icy pink, like the lightest shades here, in her clothing. It looks gorgeous. As lipstick, it’s too faded. For any season, mouth color that is lighter than skin color is hard to do well. A makeup artist could probably balance this look with a stronger eye, but that’s not you and me for every day.
A bright clear blue-pink is also good.
L’Oreal Colour Juice in Raspberry Smash and Tutti Frutti are worth looking at.
If your lip color bleeds easily, gloss won’t work well. The colors stay the same, but you need to look for more tenacious formulas. Revlon’s Color Stay and Color Stay Sheers will get you there. And of course, there’s every imaginable texture in between.
2. Place light concealer at the corners of the mouth and along the outer edges of the lower lip. There are entire articles in this site on the Light Concealer’s ability to create a face lift effect. You still have to work with your own face. For instance, if the nose is thin, don’t put a stripe of light concealer, or shimmer either, down the center or your nose will look even thinner.
Some application spots apply to all of us, some more than others of course, and are easy to forget. Remember to blend light concealer at the corner of the mouth and continue it under the outer edges of the lower lip. The corners of the mouth often turn down a little with time and it can look severe. This technique is anti-aging because it lifts the corners up a little, brings some light, and makes the lower lip look fuller and more supported.
3. Discover a very effective anti-bleed lip liner. Choose a shade in the same color as the lips or a colorless product, to offset lip color’s tendency to move into cracks. Don’t spend a lot of money on this product. The best ones are often the cheaper ones. Search MUA and Beautypedia to find the lipliners that really work to prevent lipstick from bleeding into lines around the mouth. With a clear product, you could even apply it a little outside your natural lip line. Who would know?
The easiest place to buy a great clear one is from Paula’s Choice – works great, feels great, no sharpening, really does last, good price point. This is one of those you can buy several of the first time out.
4. Using concealer instead of lip liner to keep lipstick in place. If you don’t care for lip liner, another way to keep lip color from wandering is to apply a thin layer of concealer all around the lips and blend it out really well.
If you look carefully at lipstick ads, you can almost see it, because it makes the lips come out more, as will any light color. This idea is best reserved for women with a small mouth or thin lips.
A thick concealer will look heavy on lined skin, definitely not helpful. MAC Select Cover-Up comes in great colors, is thin in consistency, and doesn’t move once it’s dry.
-->
Aging faces develop sharper angles because the layer of fat under the skin becomes thinner with time. Applying makeup with sharp lines and edges, be it poorly blended blush or a sharp edge of eyeliner, only emphasizes this feature of aging. Soft blurred edges that dissolve into one another flatter a mature face. This look is more softly rounded which imparts a youthfulness.
Today’s 4 are about the mouth.
Do You Keep Your Age Secret?
October 6, 2008
Debby wrote a comment recently to an article that got a lot of heat, Why Do You Want To Look Younger? She speaks for many women (the majority?) in that she avoids telling her age.
Paula and Avis at BeautyBunch
Interestingly, I’ve been looking at the Paula’s Choice blog at Beauty Bunch lately. The site is an introduction to Paula and a few members of the Paula’s Choice team away from the office. This is not a marketing site. Topics range from travels, to pets, many of whom come to the office each day, to the TV shows they follow. It’s intriguing to meet them in their regular lives. I didn’t expect to find that Paula would be funny.
2 recent posts are especially pertinent to Debby’s comment. The first is written by Paula herself, at My Thighs Are Not My Legacy.
Avis Begoun, Paula’s sister, is the author of the second article, at Growing Old Well. Avis is a clinical psychologist who specializes in women’s issues, and seems a thoughtful, interesting woman.
I was so happy to see women rejecting the notion that aging must be a setback. Could there be a groundswell of us out there who will decline to buy into the idea that something bad is happening when we get older?
We are stronger, smarter, richer, more independent and empowered, less fearful, healthier, and more vibrant than women of our age have been at any time in history. Why in the world are we the sorriest about it too?
Is younger better?
The young take better pictures. Of that, there can be no doubt. As the inside gets richer, the veneer has taken a few nicks and scuffs.
They need less sleep. Among the top three things I’d change would be the need for 8 hours each night.
Do I care that I have lines around my eyes? Not really. How did these lines get to be so important? They have so little significance. We have so much to celebrate. Why is this what’s in our heads?
Brian Clark wrote an article about Innovation at Lateral Action, a site dedicated to achieving success through creativity and productivity. He had some things to say that are relevant to our topic, and he said them well (if you’re language-sensitive, don’t go there). In Rule Number 5, replace “khakis” with “wrinkles”. Pause for a moment at Rule Number 8 as well.
Does Your Deeper Self care?
I am not leaving this life without having been the best parent I could be. It is my highest calling. Do my children care if I have lines around my eyes? Of course not. They expect it. Someone has to be the Moms and Dads. They want us to look like we can carry the load, instead of trying to run from it.
The deepest, strongest, most meaningful bonds between human beings are ignorant of lines around eyes. Superficial relationships might have a thing about it but is that a goal worth going after? Our skin records the events that have shaped us. The lines are the map to our soul and our spirit. In the lives of the people for whom you are a blessing and a gift, how high does your skin’s elasticity rank?
Is it downhill now?
What of the notion of being “past your prime”? Hey, the hard part is behind you. You’re setting up for the best years if you let yourself enjoy them. Your voice is finally coming on strong. You have some time and some clarity. At 30, I was distracted, careful, nervous. The great real estate looks to be ahead of me, not in the rearview mirror.
There is no need to believe you should have it all figured out. Nobody does. Ever. The best that you can hope for is to have a strong guiding light. The ability to find great happiness in the simplest things is an accomplishment by itself. It’s a big part of “having it all figured out”. Not only are you not “past it”, you’re just arriving. Don’t shut the door in your own face. It took you fifty years to get here!
Can you look at the women you interact with and see those who are retreating behind an age barrier (of their own imagining) and those who are just coming into their own, who seem happier every time you meet them? That’ s not good luck or good genetics. That’s a choice to let luck happen.
Your thoughts are your choice
The more you think a certain way, the more a reality that supports that thought process will exist around you. Things will come to you a lot if you think about them a lot. You will attract a lot. Get your thoughts on the right path. Keep moving forward and adapting to something you’ve consciously decided to believe in.
Through your thoughts and your actions, better things can and will happen. It doesn’t start from a position of having sorted all the variables into their neat little slots. It’s an ongoing evolution in your own head but it begins with choice and determination that you need to energize. These won’t get done for you. The energy for the first step is your declaration to the Universe that your beliefs are about to change. You are the medium for whatever message you choose to send out so MAKE your choice. Build it yourself from the blocks on the table in front of you.
The wisdom of age
Are there are 70 year old women reading this? Have you any advice for us? I try to think about difficult decisions from the perspective of my older self looking back at my life. I’m sure I will not wish I’d spent more time at the office, had a cleaner house, or worried so much about my age. Besides, there never seems any sense in thinking about what you can’t change. The number’s only going to get bigger so we might as well come to grips with it.
Living in a material world
As the gears of your life grind forward, don’t waste your own time caring about fluff. Think about all you’ve done and all that’s part of you that wasn’t there 20 years ago. People just see us as we see ourselves. Be fifty and LOVE your life and where you are in it.
This is your moment. Live it well. Take a stand against the part of you, the concern with age, that you want to evict. Say your age like it’s a good thing. Dredge up enough pride in how far you’ve come and all you’ve learned to say the number like the achievement it is.
Feel the love, sister. It’s real and we’re all here together.
-->Could there be a groundswell of us out there who will decline to buy into the idea that something bad is happening when we get older?
We are stronger, smarter, richer, more independent, less fearful, healthier, and more vibrant than women of our age have been at any time in history. Why in the world are we the sorriest about it too?
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