Do You Keep Your Age Secret?

October 6, 2008

Debby wrote a comment recently to an article that got a lot of heat, Why Do You Want To Look Younger? She speaks for many women (the majority?) in that she avoids telling her age.

Paula and Avis at BeautyBunch

Interestingly, I’ve been looking at the Paula’s Choice blog at Beauty Bunch lately. The site is an introduction to Paula and a few members of the Paula’s Choice team away from the office. This is not a marketing site. Topics range from travels, to pets, many of whom come to the office each day, to the TV shows they follow. It’s intriguing to meet them in their regular lives. I didn’t expect to find that Paula would be funny.

2 recent posts are especially pertinent to Debby’s comment. The first is written by Paula herself, at My Thighs Are Not My Legacy.

Avis Begoun, Paula’s sister, is the author of the second article, at Growing Old Well. Avis is a clinical psychologist who specializes in women’s issues, and seems a thoughtful, interesting woman.

I was so happy to see women rejecting the notion that aging must be a setback. Could there be a groundswell of us out there who will decline to buy into the idea that something bad is happening when we get older?

We are stronger, smarter, richer, more independent and empowered, less fearful, healthier, and more vibrant than women of our age have been at any time in history. Why in the world are we the sorriest about it too?

Is younger better?

The young take better pictures. Of that, there can be no doubt. As the inside gets richer, the veneer has taken a few nicks and scuffs.

They need less sleep. Among the top three things I’d change would be the need for 8 hours each night.

Do I care that I have lines around my eyes? Not really. How did these lines get to be so important? They have so little significance. We have so much to celebrate. Why is this what’s in our heads?

Brian Clark wrote an article about Innovation at Lateral Action, a site dedicated to achieving success through creativity and productivity. He had some things to say that are relevant to our topic, and he said them well (if you’re language-sensitive, don’t go there). In Rule Number 5, replace “khakis” with “wrinkles”. Pause for a moment at Rule Number 8 as well.

Does Your Deeper Self care?

I am not leaving this life without having been the best parent I could be. It is my highest calling. Do my children care if I have lines around my eyes? Of course not. They expect it. Someone has to be the Moms and Dads. They want us to look like we can carry the load, instead of trying to run from it.

The deepest, strongest, most meaningful bonds between human beings are ignorant of lines around eyes. Superficial relationships might have a thing about it but is that a goal worth going after? Our skin records the events that have shaped us. The lines are the map to our soul and our spirit. In the lives of the people for whom you are a blessing and a gift, how high does your skin’s elasticity rank?

Is it downhill now?

What of the notion of being “past your prime”? Hey, the hard part is behind you. You’re setting up for the best years if you let yourself enjoy them. Your voice is finally coming on strong. You have some time and some clarity. At 30, I was distracted, careful, nervous. The great real estate looks to be ahead of me, not in the rearview mirror.

There is no need to believe you should have it all figured out. Nobody does. Ever. The best that you can hope for is to have a strong guiding light. The ability to find great happiness in the simplest things is an accomplishment by itself. It’s a big part of “having it all figured out”. Not only are you not “past it”, you’re just arriving. Don’t shut the door in your own face. It took you fifty years to get here!

Can you look at the women you interact with and see those who are retreating behind an age barrier (of their own imagining) and those who are just coming into their own, who seem happier every time you meet them? That’ s not good luck or good genetics. That’s a choice to let luck happen.

Your thoughts are your choice

The more you think a certain way, the more a reality that supports that thought process will exist around you. Things will come to you a lot if you think about them a lot. You will attract a lot. Get your thoughts on the right path. Keep moving forward and adapting to something you’ve consciously decided to believe in.

Through your thoughts and your actions, better things can and will happen. It doesn’t start from a position of having sorted all the variables into their neat little slots. It’s an ongoing evolution in your own head but it begins with choice and determination that you need to energize. These won’t get done for you. The energy for the first step is your declaration to the Universe that your beliefs are about to change. You are the medium for whatever message you choose to send out so MAKE your choice. Build it yourself from the blocks on the table in front of you.

The wisdom of age

Are there are 70 year old women reading this? Have you any advice for us? I try to think about difficult decisions from the perspective of my older self looking back at my life. I’m sure I will not wish I’d spent more time at the office, had a cleaner house, or worried so much about my age. Besides, there never seems any sense in thinking about what you can’t change. The number’s only going to get bigger so we might as well come to grips with it.

Living in a material world

As the gears of your life grind forward, don’t waste your own time caring about fluff. Think about all you’ve done and all that’s part of you that wasn’t there 20 years ago. People just see us as we see ourselves. Be fifty and LOVE your life and where you are in it.

This is your moment. Live it well. Take a stand against the part of you, the concern with age, that you want to evict. Say your age like it’s a good thing. Dredge up enough pride in how far you’ve come and all you’ve learned to say the number like the achievement it is.

Feel the love, sister. It’s real and we’re all here together.

Posted by Christine Scaman | Filed Under Happiness, Paula's Choice, Sites To Know

Comments

3 Responses to “Do You Keep Your Age Secret?”

Kathryn on October 7th, 2008 8:09 pm

Do I care that I just turned 49, not so much.
But guess who does? Apparently employers do, as I attempt to move on in my work life, I ran across some “advice” on getting the call for the first interview. “Strip your resume of age-related dates” i.e. don’t put the year you graduated from high school or college, just put the school, your major or your degree. Ditto for any continuing education or adult education, just list the course work. Don’t put any employers over 10 years. Anything that may “give away your age” should be “tempered”. I’m 49 years old, I have 8 years of service in the US Navy, college, 14 years of experience in my field, continuing education, and I have to worry that I’m too OLD to hire!? That was a kick in the stomach, was I really being passed over in the resume review process, not even getting the call because I’m 49!? But you know what, I don’t want to work for anyone who would judge me like that, my resume speaks for itself and if my age is an issue, well, pardon my language, but they can bite me.
Christine Scaman on October 8th, 2008 5:50 am

This happy and welcome comment, in an email,

I am always amazed at women who refuse to tell their age! I just turned 69 and am happier than ever. I’m older and smarter than last year, and I’m alive and healthy.

What really irks me is young men (usually salesmen or waiters) who think they are complimenting me by guessing that I must be about 45. I tell them that they must not assume that I am unhappy about my age, and that it’s not flattering to be told I look younger. And, to stop and desist!!!

Carolyn
Christine Scaman on October 12th, 2008 6:33 am

Kathryn,

You’ve spoken some pertinent and undeniable truths.

We are probably at our most employable between 35 and 45, when we still span a youthful appearance and some job experience. Your track record probably helps, especially if you’re staying in the same field.

I wonder if the profession/career choice makes a difference. I prefer my medical professionals to be 45-60. My hair stylist is a cool 60. This is probably because I relate to and trust that age group more, knowing the distractions and experience present in younger heads. But, since our age demographic must be among the most numerous, you’d think employers would want to have people on board that older clients identify with.

I absolutely agree that anyone rejecting me for my age can bite me. My raw database of knowledge as a veterinarian is certainly not that of a vet 5 years out of school. I don’t believe clients want a throbbing cranium. They want a very human being. That balance doesn’t come along till much later in a career (or a life).

Press on, Kathryn. That wouldn’t have been a job you’d have wanted. You’re just being saved for better things and they’ll move into your life when it’s time. Maybe you needed to have this experience so that you handle the next one in the right way.

Carolyn,

YES!!! Thank you for this!!

It’s hard for young people to look at us and get all that we are because they can’t recognize it yet. It doesn’t exist in them so their eyes are still blind to it. They see a big blank space.

I’m so fascinated by studies of aging brains, especially in menopausal women. It is not a time of shrivelling up, it’s a time of growth!! Under a microscope, in a very scientific sense, substances are being added, just as they were in puberty and other times of hormonal change, that make the brain work better. It just blows me away that this is happening… and the place in the brain that it takes place is in the emotional learning centers. Now isn’t that fabulous?