Change Lives At The Edge Of Your Comfort Zone

July 8, 2008

Did any of you have a chance to read the Beauty Bulletin dated June 26, 2008 from Paula’s Choice? The Beauty Bulletins are an easy way to stay up to date on special promotions and the latest reviews. In this edition, Paula takes a departure from her product and consumer focused topics to tell a personal anecdote from her past. I LOVED this story.

Paula Begoun, The Cosmetics Cop

It describes an incident in Chicago in the early 90s where she was actually physically escorted from a department store ! With her mother in the background yelling at the security guard, it paints quite a picture. Too bad her mom didn’t take a swing at him or knock him down with one good shot to the knees. Is it just me or does Paula seem like she’d have that kind of mom? Now that I think about it, I am that kind of mom.

He told me I was to leave immediately and they would escort me out. As innocently as I could (though my anger and frustration I’m sure came through) I asked what the problem was given I was only writing down information that was legally there for the consumer and that I was almost done and I was going to go shopping in other parts of the store (by the way, that part wasn’t a lie). But no, the manager insisted the information on the label was proprietary and that what I was doing could get me arrested but because I was there with my mother he wasn’t going to call the police. It probably didn’t help that my mother was yelling at him with full voice exclaiming that he should leave her daughter alone; by then he wanted us out of there as soon as possible.

An uphill climb down an unknown road

I’ve always admired Paula Begoun’s passion and integrity. I never take her perseverance for granted because I can’t imagine what she’s been up against over the years. On a personal level, I was reminded me that the path isn’t always easy. It is not supposed to be.

It’s easy to absorb motivational material that tells you to have all this drive and never give up and keep on going despite all setbacks. Well, yeah, ok. But you’re just not always so sure where it’s all going. You don’t always understand what drives you. Maybe you never do. It’s not necessary anyhow. But sometimes, your conviction wanes a little, you know?

I wonder if there were times when Paula wondered if it was all worthwhile.

Did she consciously intend her own successful businesses in publishing, product creation and marketing, and internet sales? Or did she just believe in her cause of consumer advocacy and take it day by day, allowing the future to develop on its own? After the incident in the department store, or at any other time, did she consider calling it quits? And what tools or self-talk did she used to go back at it ?

Maybe one day, I’ll request an interview and ask those questions. Those are the things I really want to know.

The reason no one else writes the kind of books I do is because no one would put up with the insults and threats I’ve dealt with over the years to do the research. From cosmetics salespeople to angry cosmetic companies, I upset a lot of people. Thankfully, I rarely make my readers mad: seven editions of my book later (and now at Beautypedia.com) there are enough people who don’t want to go to the cosmetic counter without me that I will continue doing what I do, and putting up with insanity at the counters. Although nowadays, thankfully, I have a team of researchers who for the past four editions of my book have saved me from the wrath, fury, and peril that I had to single-handedly put up with at the cosmetic counters in the past.

Getting nervous

You’re trying to become someone you have not been before. You’re trying to figure out where it’s all going to fit, with you and with the Universe. You’re trying to get your feet under you but they seem to be slipping all around.

We don’t learn when everything is going perfectly. When it’s all coming easy, you know nothing at the end of the day that you didn’t know at the beginning. Learning, growth, and change are the result of being uncomfortable. That is the deal.

Linked to source.

The puzzle pieces in your head that represent how you see your world, and the way your brain connects them together, mutate when they have to adapt. They are forced to change shape when the old shape doesn’t fulfill a role anymore. New pieces get added, the ones that are there rearrange, and the whole picture has to mesh.

You are no longer exactly the same person. Now that is cool.

A launch pad

Just because you expect setbacks doesn’t make them less unpleasant or scary or creepy. It bugs you for days. And it could end there if you let it, as an embarrassment, a humiliation.

An obstruction can also be a springboard for something that has never existed before. Difficulty brings with it a new direction, clarity of purpose, self-knowledge. And the big one, of course, which is confidence. But the platform that supports it all is that, whatever came along, you never allowed it to matter enough to stop you.

You don’t always keep going just because your unfailing passion is driving you on. At least, I don’t. Sometimes you keep moving just to get outside of the fire. The place you’re standing doesn’t feel so great, so you make a move. It doesn’t matter if it’s wrong or right. It’s just supposed to shuffle the deck.

Lose The Safety Net

If you want more than what you have now, who you already know, or what you can already do, then prepare for inconvenience. Assume trouble will find you. Anticipate mistakes; they will happen.

Linked to source.

I know that it doesn’t matter about mistakes. I make so many that the event has taken up residence inside my comfort zone. How you make amends, with what honor and integrity and with what effective solutions, that’s what counts. Anyone watching me who thinks less of me for having made a mistake isn’t someone whose opinion will matter. What they should be observing is how I proceed to rectify the situation and hopefully avoid it the second time round.

The more you go looking for new situations, the more hindrance you put in your own path. So how strong am I? How much can I take? I want to know and I don’t want to know.

And then, a step forward

The dark cloud of troubles I’ve encountered (and not always solved so brilliantly) still hangs around me. It’s kind of annoying when it pops up so I try to ignore it. I still feel nervous about being in situations that didn’t go so well the first time.

Linked to source.

The inspiration in that Beauty Bulletin article was not so much that Paula found success at the end of her struggles. It is the fact that she just kept paddling when the water got rough.

Posted by Christine Scaman | Filed Under Happiness

Comments

3 Responses to “Change Lives At The Edge Of Your Comfort Zone”

maria meylan on July 9th, 2008 3:40 am

Good morning from Switzerland!

This is really inspirational. I will send it to my daughter of 25! And will reread it many times.
You are a wise woman!
Thanks and best regards.
maria
Christine Scaman on July 9th, 2008 8:39 am

Hello, Maria,

I’m glad you enjoyed this article. Although I try to remind myself that dealing with headaches is a normal part of learning and progress, sometimes it feels harder to do. These are the times when I am inspired by other women, like Paula Begoun, who created the life and career they wanted just by persevering.
When situations arise that I’m uncertain how to handle, I have two choices. One is to jump to my default, do whatever comes first or easiest, but that will just get me more of what I already have.
My other choice is to look at someone whose results I would have for my own, and imitate what they would do.
Never giving up always seems to figure into the plan.
Great to hear from you, Maria.
Sonja on July 12th, 2008 4:13 pm

Hi Christine,
Your last sentence about paddling made me think of something. I went on a kayak tour this week and there was a fair bit of wind. The guide kept repeating that as long as you keep paddling, you maintain some measure of control over the boat. It’s when you stop that you go broadside to the wave and capsize. You just need to keep a little forward momentum, not much, in order to maintain stability. It will still feel rocky, but you won’t go over. I think this is a good analogy to life in general.