He posted recently about women and cosmetic advertising in Hope Springs Eternal, But Why’s It So Expensive. Many women made excellent suggestions about why we are so easily and willingly sucked in by beauty advertising. I think about this topic a lot. I didn’t respond on the blog site because I’d write a page. In fact, I’m about to.

Nevermind if you use the Paula’s Choice products. I ask women why they don’t subscribe to Beautypedia. They see the reviews as just another marketing voice, just Paula’s opinion. Maybe it takes training in science to understand the incomparable value of independent examination based on sound research. All science asks for is SOUND proof.

From the latest popular ingredient’s perspective, science only hears the beat of its love affair with North American technology. Science seems to support only boring, mistake-ridden, traditional medicine. That fallacy is fabulous for anyone trying to cash in on that new ingredient, but that’s not at all what science is about. The Paula group is just looking for sound proof. Why it unleashes such a firestorm of offense and emotion, I do not know.

Women figure that sure, the claims are exaggerated, you’d expect that, but they must be half right. If not, wouldn’t there be mobs of angry women coming after these companies? Well, actually, unless you threaten their children or the planet, women don’t get angry. It’s quite OK to hurt us, we can take it, have had centuries of practice. The advertisers know they’re safe from us.

They’ve become expert at keeping us a little uncomfortable with our appearance. It keeps us buying. A confused consumer is wonderfully gullible. If you have 8 lipsticks all the same colour, then they have you exactly where they want you : uncertain. On the Boss>>>>>Bubblegum Princess<<<<<Stripper spectrum, they want you to the right of middle. We spend ourselves silly trying to look like our daughters. It cheapens us. In the same breath, we minimize and reduce our joy and power when they’re the real accomplishment. Once we’re 40, we deny too much of the good stuff on the inside.

Another common response is “I can tell if something works, and if I can’t, my friend can”. Oh, right. Just like you can identify the vitamins in the food you eat by taste. Not going to talk about that.

Could it be that we don’t buy the face cream to be face cream? When the day is bad, we can always afford a little gift to self. We never expected it to do anything. The bottle says what we wanted it to say so we felt better at that moment. If it made us happy that day, then it served its purpose. We didn’t buy it to do anything for our skin. But habits form easily in the absence of anything better. This is where repeat sales come from, not performance, at least in skin care.

Women want the product to create a safe place. Though the women reading this probably don’t fall into this category, the majority feels better if someone else is going to look after their skin (and their money) so they don’t have to think about it. Paula’s Choice embeds their product in a lesson that’s confrontational and stimulating. So does Colour Analysis, for that matter. Most women are avoiders and soothers, not challengers. They feel too tired and un-confident most of the time to take more on.

Bryan’s question was not addressed to women in general, though. That’s my soapbox. He asked “Why do Paula-educated women keep falling for the hype and the hope?”

Because, every now and again, something that truly works comes along. Once they get the glitches out, like the Vitamin A sisters, a new product might be something we should buy.

At 12Blueprints, Jocelyn Is A Bright Winter. With video! To see the potential in yourself as you never have… and in keeping with the theme that change happens from the inside out.

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© 2007–2010, Christine Scaman. All rights reserved.

Daynah Burnett, a Paula’s Choice employee recounts her tale of embarrassment and insult at an Ulta store. Can this store be this dumb?

Recently, my favorite beauty blogger was escorted out of a Barney’s store. All the woman does is swatch makeup colours, Lipstick Queen’s line this time. How humiliating could that be? I don’t think Poppy King would want her client base treated this way. She probably has a clue about the power of consumers talking to one another for amplifying sale numbers exponentially.

Whether you use Paula’s Choice skin care products is not my issue. There are plenty of good choices. There are plenty of horrible choices too. Why women would spend money without researching a product, given that nobody else on the planet is providing the information this company does, now that is quite beyond me. But that’s another story.

The point here is that they could have treated any consumer the same way. It could have been you or I. What did the staff members feel so threatened by? Did they take it upon themselves to make these idiotic marketing decisions or were they told to? Is there a behind-the-scenes agenda?

These stores haven fallen out of the idiot tree, hit every branch on the way down, and written themselves off my shopping option list. Read the story and imagine being told that you have to behave their way and follow these crazy rules to shop there. Would you conform? I doubt it.

On a lighter note, a new colour analysis post at 12 Blueprints. Louise and Stevan belong to the same season but look very different. How can that be?

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© 2007–2009, Christine Scaman. All rights reserved.

Last year, I did 5 of these articles, Gift Ideas For The Real World 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5. Having just looked them over, why they’re pretty good, sez me. I didn’t want to duplicate anything.

I’m not sure I can think of that many ideas this year. Although, once the ball starts rolling and people chime in, we can come up with some amazing things.

For you early shoppers, how about these?

1. Stainless steel compost buckets at Lee Valley. They look great on the counter and stay nice and shiny.

2. The rolling composter at Lee Valley. I tried composting once in one of those big square plastic tubs you get from the city. I attracted every raccoon and possum for miles. This guy is easy to roll, gets hot enough inside to kill weed seeds, and produces gorgeous earth in less than a month. Read about it on the linked page. I have a friend who owns one and it is the BEST thing.

While you’re at the Lee Valley, site, check out their gifts organized by activity and cost. Really good.

3. A Comfort Plus Pillow by Sleep Innovations. Changed my life, this did. It took about 3 nights to get onto it but for my neck and shoulders, it is a wonderful thing. Got mine at Zellers, normally $40 but they go on good sales often. Your face doesn’t sink into it and rub off all your night cream, quite a big bonus for me who goes to bed very gooped up.

4. A Silpat baking mat. Listen : if you don’t have one, don’t wait till Christmas. Just go buy  yourself 2 of them. These things are unbelievable. They make life better!

5. Jams and honeys. These are just such a treat, but so expensive to buy yourself. If someone gave you one and you ate it in 3 days all by yourself, well you’re not out anything are you? Many companies make these.

The PEI Preserve Company is a favorite of ours. Should you ever be so fortunate to visit PEI, this place is a MUST SEE. Beautiful restaurant, gift shop, bakery, and samples upon samples.

The Garlic Box, McGarrigle’s Mustards, the Jellies and Teas, all fabulous. In fact, their chutneys and relishes may be better than the jams. The Balsamic and Cracked Pepper Mustard is wonderful.  The Antipasto is a PEI summer staple. Who wouldn’t love a beautiful Summer Honey box?

6. Wicked Good Hand Warmers at LLBean. On those long winter walks through the woods, you will be LOVED. Give them out to everyone like M&M’s. They work incredibly well. The fabric is quite durable so you can slip one over your toes and wouldn’t wear through it.

7. Double layer long underwear at LLBean. I might have said something like this last year, but this fabric is so cushy and warm and dry that I’ll risk repeating it. The outfits run big. I’m a size 7 and the Medium is a bit too big, but for sleeping, it’s fine.

8. A rain barrel. There are many that can be found through Google. The wooden whiskey barrel style is expensive. Home Depot has them now and then, and they may be on sale now where you live. They look so good in the garden, a focal spot.

In plastic, they come in  various shapes and sizes. Home Depot even has collapsible ones. What a nice and easy way to water the garden. Or to wash your hair.

9. Bottles and bottles of Paula’s Choice new Resist Barrier Repair Moisturizer.

10. A subscription to Fitness magazine. I’m loving this publication. It’s not too exercise-hard-core. The nutrition and health articles are terrific. Coming home from a long day and finding a new magazine in the mailbox = a good evening.

Also, the latest installment at 12 Blueprints : Icy Colours and Pastels. If you’re a Winter or a Summer, you need to know the difference.

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© 2007–2009, Christine Scaman. All rights reserved.

This article is at 12B, linked here.

The point is this. As marketers, when we encounter new ways of doing things, we have 2 choices.

The first is to say “Oh, that’s not how we do things. We have always done things THIS way and it’s worked for us for 15 years.” So there.

The second is to say “Have I just been whacked in the head with an opportunity to make my clients happier? Can I use this new information to distinguish myself or to exceed my client’s expectations?Let’s just see what could happen.”

Sadly, I meet a lot more of the former. The days of “We can’t. We don’t. We never have.” are done. “We flex, we change, we find” are the ideas that last.

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 The way the guys move you from the information delivery to the buy decision is by scaring you. Or at least making you uncomfortable about something you don’t know or don’t have that they’ve persuaded you that you need. Or they bulldoze you with their experience and self-confidence, neither of which necessarily translates to ability.

Women are somehow convinced that there are these really smart white guys in business offices out there who know the future. Actually, the really smart white guys are the ones who f.cked the whole thing up so royally. They were doing 1  + 1 = -4, or 5, or 3,000,000. or something. Didn’t the woman who noticed get herself fired for her brains? Maybe it’s just as well the whole thing crashed when it did. Unsustainable flow dynamics are doomed. It’s a wonder it didn’t take more of us with it.

You know what’s going to happen. You know the guy thing – if it’s his idea, it’s a great idea. Otherwise, it sucks out loud. Then the idea migrates around the back of his head, crawls in the trap door, and he bleats it out his own mouth. In a year, he’ll say it was his idea. In 10 years, the men will say they knew it was coming all along and tried to tell the rest of us but we wouldn’t listen.

Women want to think that guys get money. It’s so much easier to transfer all the financial diagnostics and authorities to them. Men have dominated money for so long that women are used to it.  If something goes wrong, women don’t have to take any blame, which they abhor anyway. So it all works out for everyone.

If you, as a woman, speak to women clients in language they understand, they think you know nothing.  Talk over their heads and they think you’re a genius. I see this in medicine all the time. The guy either rambles off a pile of jargon or as much as says “Leave it to me, little lady. I’ll take care of everything” and the women are sold.  They gaze up at the doctor, (the doctor expects no less), they haven’t a foggy what the guy is talking about, but who cares? He’s taking care of it. He said he was, it must be so. I can do that too but my conscience doesn’t feel good.

Whether in medicine or in stock predictions, there exists a high degree of day-to-day uncertainty in the simplest, most seemingly mundane decisions. Women express this with more honesty. Clients don’t want to hear it, or they misinterpret it. They hear “it could be this or it could be that” as vague and lacking in knowledge, when it is quite the contrary. Thoughtful uncertainty is reality. The idea that Symptom Y + Symptom Z = Disease X is false. It will lead to shortcuts in thinking that will cause regret.

The fact is that there are no really smart people anywhere who know more than you do. You get it, or easily could, if it were explained in a language you speak. Every industry has created some secret little language to describe secret operations they carry out in rooms decorated to look important.  You are not dumber than anyone and nobody is any smarter than you. Never let anyone think for you, even if it seems easier. Your decision-making ability might be less informed but given the facts, it is not less astute, especially where the future is concerned. Nobody has a clue about that.

 So how does a woman sell to women in a way she feels is ethical?

You don’t want to be so good at selling that you’re bringing in people who aren’t ready to buy or people who aren’t ready for you.

If you over-empower women with information, they figure they don’t need you.

Putting yourself on sale doesn’t work for women or men. They expect cheap work for cheap money. Undervalue yourself and you’re screwed.

Do you take on male behaviors? Certainly, releasing disempowering female behaviors is essential. The one single thing the guys have over us is self-esteem. There’s something to be said for believing you’re special and that nothing is ever your fault. After all, we are what we say we are.

Do you publicize your exclusivity? Do you make yourself a little unavailable? Actually, I think that does work. The best way to get noticed is to walk the other way. Those who follow really want you.

Take a moment to contemplate, if you will, the difference between rejection and selection. 

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© 2007–2009, Christine Scaman. All rights reserved.

For her 15^th birthday, my daughter wanted to sponsor a child with World Vision. This would be the same child whose favorite activity is watching Ice Road Truckers with her father.

Having more than enough

Barira is a  10 year old girl from Niger who sits on our fridge and looks out. It’s somehow ironic that she adorns the food repository.  Her father farms as does my husband so she connected with all of us. He can’t feed his family in a good year and nor can Canadian farmers, but of course the scale is completely different. We know that.

We wanted to send a birthday gift. It had to be flat for mailing and not extravagant. My daughter wanted a musical singing birthday card, which I feared would scare the pants off the child. We find ourselves at the Dollar Store trying to find something not too extravagant.

We are TOO rich to find a gift for this little girl. Everything seems wasteful and excessively adorned. For us it’s disposable, for her unimaginably frivolous. In the cheapest store there is, where we could afford anything, our wealth is still too great to find an appropriate gift. Your whole frame of reference changes when you know what “too rich” actually feels like.

Money and the Law of Attraction

I’ve been reading Jerry and Esther Hicks’s recent Money and the Law of Attraction : Learning to Attract Wealth, Health, and Happiness. The book is as good as any of the previous and doesn’t rehash the old material. There are a lot of new ideas here, presented in their most practical and possible style.

I really like this stuff because it helps me get through the day with a real undercurrent of openness and joy. People who know me are ROTFL right now. Well, I’ll have you know I really am joyful. If I look more intense than joyous, it’s because I’m part Winter.

I’ve learned to find the best things about what I do, even the things I like less (except producing  meals day after day). I’ve learned that we all create our own reality. I don’t have to feel bad for others who aren’t getting what they want because they can make different choices anytime they want to. What’s happening to them isn’t happening to me because I didn’t make their choices. I know nobody can block me or even slow me down from getting what I want because nobody controls the Universe – as a result, I am never irritated by the behavior of others.  That’s quite a cathartic milestone right there.

How others have failed me is never important, only how I’ve failed me. There is never a need to get involved in the actions of others, only in my reaction to them. I do have control of my character, every aspect of it. Everything I’ve sent out there, good and bad, is on a trajectory aimed at my face. Energy stays equal so what goes out comes back in kind.

In this clip from the Abraham-Hicks site’s video clips, watch the 11^th clip from the top on the right side. The video title is the same as the book, an excerpt from the DVD. Listen to how she (Abraham) answers the question at the end.

When does the creating start?

Though I thank Jerry and Esther for modeling such a powerful and easy way to learn calmness and happiness, I’ve run up against a question I can’t answer. This is it : I can’t think of anything I’ve manifested or attracted. However my life changed, it changed because I stuck my claws out there and made a few attempts to drag something in and finally got a hook that stuck. It never just came with “ease” (and by ease, I do not mean absence of effort; more like, you just looked up one day and there it was, like it had been there all along). 

It didn’t come with struggle or worry either. I love doing it. I love the ride and my river moves fast because there’s a lot I want. I’m reading the money book to attract more of money to stay in the raft. Money is an energy (infinite) not a resource (finite). It’s flowing in the streets, kind of like guns. Just because you don’t have one doesn’t mean there’s a shortage of them. How many guns I have doesn’t affect how many you can have.

I live wealth like it’s happened. I look at  my house, I see a castle. I used to worry that I wouldn’t be able to afford to educate my kids, but a friend said “Who do you know that didn’t go to University because they  couldn’t afford it?”. I stopped worrying.

 I quite get what they mean by Leading Edge. My toes are touching the line. I’m not impatient. Our needs are more than met and that’s the only story I tell. I’ve found that thing in life that I would do even if I weren’t paid. We CAN make things just by thinking about them, I’m convinced of it.

The question is not how to get more money, though to realize my dream will take more than I have. It’s how to have it appear by thought, not action. Nothing is getting created that I didn’t build. No doors are presenting themselves, closed or open, that I didn’t go out and ferret out. How will I manifest money if I can’t manifest anything else?

Was the manifestation that  I chose these actions and not those actions?  You could say that I manifested everything I live. Yes, right thinking brings right actions. There is just no feeling of letting it happen. I made it happen. And, anyone who has manifested  money can measure it by the ways of our physical world. I have yet to manifest a cent.

Realizing a downstream dream

My Easter will be spent becoming a Color Analyst. If women could see themselves as their most effective, beautiful, powerful best, I’d be happy. That’s the vision I have of them when I meet them. That’s what I want to help them do – and learn to resist the marketing onslaught that makes us think age is more ugly, more abnormal, and more weak than youth. Aging, or more precisely “anti-aging”, is a marketing phenomenon and nothing else.

My speaking tour will be called You : Gorgeous And Fearless. Everything will turn out fine, but when does the manifesting/creating begin??? 

So, Abraham, from a purely intellectual perspective, what are we supposed to think next? The bank account is going down but I can ignore it with ease. I could sell the piano on eBay but that feels upstream so I won’t do it. Will it have to reach a crisis before I manifest something? Does the room have to be completely empty before the new furniture can fit? I don’t mind waiting but you might take the line “as early as tomorrow” out of your teachings.

Is this like dieting? You can start tomorrow but you won’t look different for a month. Until the new eating kicks in, you will look like your old eating patterns. In the same sense, until the new thinking starts to shift the Universe, life is still bringing you the rewards of your old thinking ways. 

Keep your day job. And your fat pants.

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It often feels like we’re going at it alone. We dream of another life, or at least being able to opt out of the one we have temporarily.

My body cooks up funny problems to take me out of circulation for a few days. It knows when I need to sign out of my own life for a little while and it grounds me with some strange unimportant abnormality.

I bring it on myself by the Law of Attraction.  I think “I wouldn’t mind having a minor ailment. How wonderful that I could have 2 or 3 sick days and no one would expect me go to work. I could just stay home, my favorite thing.”

  And sure enough, just like you get everything if you think about it enough, I get this. This is why my problems are always gynecological. Men are not empathethic creatures where pain is concerned, but they will back off with this kind of pain. If I had a simple gash in my leg, the men around me would feel I should be at work because they would be. Lots to prove.

The male business model’s paradigm is always PUSH.

And if that works, what do you do next?

And if it doesn’t work, what do you do?

Same answer.

PUSH HARDER.

That mindset believes that if you haven’t put in a 60 hour work week, you haven’t been worthwhile, a “hard-worker” worthy of respect from your kind and yourself.  Interesting that these guys still easily carve out time on the golf course.

 This is the male version of abundance. It’s the thinking of a certain upbringing (small towns), a certain a generation (wartime), and the attitude about life that results (life is a competition because the amount of good stuff out there is limited; if you win, someone else loses so you better beat everyone else to the cash and prizes). The female mindset of abundance is the hamster-on-a-wheel life that women set up for themselves. In both cases, busy-ness and exertion can fool you into thinking that changes are taking place.

 And then after they’re done pushing harder, they’re busy wanting MORE. There’s no line in the sand that says to them ‘enough’. They’ll risk what they already have. In fact, they’ll put it up on the auction block and sacrifice it altogether and allow it to be destroyed to get MORE. The financial meltdown was an example on a grander scale of the male business model  needing to forever prove itself with MORE.

 The male world sees it as a big deal to leave work at 2 to pick up a child. In the female version, where everything is available and possible, it’s very natural. The family is who we do it all for. There’s no way we’ll do anything that would jeopardize that. Men say they do everything for the family too. But it’s not true. They do it for themselves, for their sense of self-worth and to fulfill their idea of what a MAN does.

Men have taught us that one income at a time must be pivotal and protected. They put all these impediments on us to sustain that because it suits them very well. They find they get less interruptions and more eagerness to be accommodated. Women swallow the small seed of fear and resign themselves to “Whatever would we become without that income??” 

Allowing that belief is how we’ve been kept down and kept each other down. We will never make that system work or play naturally within its boundaries. You look at your job for the things you really love and they’re not there. You feel scared and hassled with no control.

We can see the posturing and the bluffing, the bluster and the swagger, for nobody’s benefit but their own. We don’t belong. We know how artificial it all is. This is how they assure themselves that they’re doing something important. Some of them have figured it out – that busy doesn’t mean productive or successful.

 They don’t mean badly. They’re just following a pattern that we’ve all been taught. Nobody wants to reinvent a system that, on the surface, seems to work for everyone. Or looked like it did for our parents. Maybe it didn’t. Maybe we can want and have more than our mothers.

 All we can do is to stop playing. It’s so deeply embedded in our culture that the only ones who can see it are those women who consciously decide to pull away and make up something new. Who realize that it can be whatever you see it as being.

The more I pull away, the more bizarre the thing looks. It becomes ever clearer that money can be soft-earned and not at the expense of what we already have, including family, a huge non-monetary asset, and health, which is the most valuable commodity that exists.

 You don’t  have to live in the male world. That net that restricts all your limbs can be gone. Let the wind move to your back. You don’t have to want people who don’t want you. Don’t think of it as being rejected. Better to see it as a wonderful stream of selection that brings you the people with whom you can thrive. The other kind can screen  themselves out.

The male world, by the very way it’s set up, holds women away. They can’t see it and we can’t either, but the fit isn’t right. John Fowles said “Men love war because it allows them to look serious. It is the one thing that stops women laughing at them.” We’ve become too afraid to laugh.

 There is no single right answer where all the outcomes will be joyful. There are more choices than we admit, fewer consequences, and even less risk.

 PS – In searching for the Fowles quote, I looked first at Aldous Huxley because I was certain he said those words. I was wrong, but he did say these :  “Maybe this planet is another planet’s hell.” Depressing but funny, and freakishly out-of-the-box, consistent with much of what he said and wrote.

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Like many women, understanding any aspect of finance, wealth, or investment by staring at charts and graphs gets me nowhere. Women don’t learn that way. It makes our eyes glaze over, causing the male financial advisor across the table to conclude that we’re bored or too dumb to get it.

Presenting information to us in the way that is effectively presented to men does not work. Bring on the female financial advisors who can explain in pictures, or with stories, and we’ll get it.  Women care about money. We may attach odd values to it, but we especially want to look after those we love. We don’t want to be in the dark, but there is a linguistic issue here.

Armed with knowledge and understanding, women will become very powerful in dealing with money (and probably bigger risk-takers than the men). In fact, the more knowledge women have about a topic, the better and more confident their decision-making.  Think about this : is the same true for men? I think it’s the reverse, actually.

Barbara Stanny’s book, Secrets of Six-Figure Women: Surprising Strategies To Up Your Earnings And Change Your Life, first published in 2002, does not contain any stock charts. It’s not even about how to invest or manage your money. It enters the picture sooner than that, with how to make the money in the first place by creating an inner change.  Fulfillment and empowerment, with very practical and realistic advice on how to get there, are the biggest landmarks on the road to financial success.

Stanny is the daughter of Richard Bloch, one of the founders of H&R Block. Her first husband lost her trust fund through bad investments, leaving her with huge bills and no knowledge of finance. She was forced to face up to a common trait of inherited wealth, namely big insecurity about her ability to support herself. Her journey is recorded in her first book Prince Charming Isn’t Coming : How Women Get Smart About Money ,  and this one.

Barbara Stanny

For Secrets Of Six Figure Women, Stanny began by interviewing hundreds of women in many income brackets, searching for traits that were common among the high (and low) earners. If you take a group of equally bright, equally educated, very capable women, why is it that some of them will always struggle financially while other will earn ever-rising amounts? Is there a shared set of characteristics that can be found repeatedly among women earning more than $250,000 per year?

Turns out that there are at least 7. And since they’re not personality traits, but rather ways of guiding decision-making, they can be learned.

This is really about finding that thing that you were born to do with love and passion, whether you are paid or not, and from there gaining the self-esteem to charge what you’re worth. Lessons in uncovering your own set of underlying values, in not being a victim, in finding gratitude for obstacles, and so many of the thoughts that resonate strongly with women, are found here.

There are chapters on facing fear and declaring intention, about pulling away the safety net, and about negotiating on your own behalf. The information comes to you through stories about how other women cope with these issues, how they succeeded and how they failed, and what they learned from it.

There is some great advice to be found on speaking up for yourself. This is probably the spot where women are weakest. The biggest reason that men make more money for the same job is this : THEY ASK for it. Until you learn to take yourself seriously, nobody else will either. Learning to do this can be extremely intimidating for girls and for women. Most of us need all the help we can get at using our elbows.

Chapter 11 is entitled Claiming Our Power. With some thoughts about how women lost it in the first place, and continue to give it up to keep the peace instead of compete, and finishing with some beautifully motivating words about taking up your own space to the fullest, Stanny has written a book that any woman who is thinking about her life will find great meaning in. You’ll read many sections that you’ll feel were written for you personally. What would it be like to be at the center of your world and have all the rest spin around you for a change, instead of whirling around the periphery of the lives of everybody else all the time?

This is entirely action-oriented. She knows that failure, rejection, debt, insecurity, and mortgage bills exist but small change is still change. What she really says is this : Women hold themselves back by believing that avoiding stress and responsibility is pro-family. I do that. I know more women who choose this avenue on purpose for this reason. I’m beginning to see that Big doesn’t look like I think it does. Big is where the choices are.

So many of us can feel another woman living inside us that the world has never seen. We keep her buried because we don’t have time to become her, or think about what she’s like, and besides, we’re a little afraid of her. We feel the things she could be, but she’s so far away from the day-to-day role we play that we don’t know where to start.  Whether you become a high-earner or not, Secrets Of Six-Figure Women will help you discover Your Deeper Self.

Have a look at Barbara’s blog. She posts about once a month, but it is worth reading. This is money and life advice written for the way women understand and learn. My favorite entry, at the end of this page, is entitled “Fear Got You Stuck?”  In it is a line I’ve repeated to myself a thousand times :

What would you do if you weren’t afraid?

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© 2007–2009, Christine Scaman. All rights reserved.

Do you understand the recent turmoil? I lose interest when I read about it because I don’t understand most of what I read. I want to be able to talk about it because everyone else is. I don’t want to be accusatory or misinformed so I do more listening. Where can you learn the facts without being bored or confused?

When possibility and bankers meet

What if someone wrote it as a story about people? No graphs, no jargon (or not so much that the meaning is mired in it), not too many %. As a story about human behavior, it is nothing short of fascinating and not even surprising. The more you read, the wilder the story becomes. This debacle as fiction could never have been plausible.

 Some people saw it coming. In fact they took out bets that it would happen. Who were they? How did they know? What alarms did they raise and who chose to ignore them? The most easily readable obituary of the financial meltdown is the article “The End” for the December 08 issue of Portfolio magazine.

Michael Lewis

 Lewis begins at the beginning of the now-wreckage. It is the buildup towards the realization that collapse had to happen. The system was obviously, clearly, incontestably doomed. There was no other possible outcome.

When the end began

Actually, the pot was simmering long before the mortgage fiasco. It began 30 years ago. In Lewis’ 1989 book, Liar’s Poker,  in the same story-telling vein, he describes Wall Street of the 80s.  Again funnier and more far-fetched than most fiction, this is Lewis’ own autobiography in a tale about people, greed, and permission. Addicted to the wild risk ride, seeing themselves as indestructible, these were the rulers in the game of finding every legislative loophole possible to amass indecent fortunes by risking other people’s money. 

There are good reviews here and here, if you want to get the gist of it.

What they did with the money

In the January 09 New York Times article “The End Of The Financial World As We Know It”, written by Lewis and David Einhorn, you’re brought up to date with what went on, what’s going on, and what they did with the money they were given. The role that politicians played in the background is explained. It becomes obvious that what they’re doing to fix things is as idiotic and doomed to fail as the scientific neglect that got them there in the first place.

How can so many people in charge of so much be so deluded ? Who would give $700 billion to someone with a gambling addiction without changing the rules of the game? How can single individuals still have so much authority?

Understanding the financial industry is not important. You don’t need to. It ‘s just a story about people posturing, bluffing, and ultimately hiding weakness. Showdowns are the name of this game, Old West style, gun-slingers trying to protect themselves and secure their glory. Wall Street is just human nature on a grander scale.

How to really fix it

The second part of the article above is “How To Repair A Broken Financial World”.

 The warnings were always there. Reasonable solutions are offered but the choice seems to be made not to heed them. There are other ways out of this than just throwing more money into the pit that sucked it all up in the first place. The system that so mismanaged itself will have to propped up artificially to maintain some sort of status quo and prevent a complete unravelling. I hope something more is happening behind the scenes.

We all have a sense of the inexcusability. Bankers moved from invincibility through denial to protection. Can this lesson tame the insatiable greed? Of course not. Humans are humans. You don’t give a bully more attention. His reward system has to be taken away.

The gears of the political and financial machines will have to grind in sync to straighten this out. The legal loopholes will have to be closed. This second article presents forward-looking means of preventing a repetition because the weaknesses of human beings are foreseen and contained. It is the only thing that will really work.

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© 2007–2009, Christine Scaman. All rights reserved.

We’ve returned from the road trip from Ontario to PEI. Bill says we should just put a fifth wheel on the roof of the minivan and drag a semi trailer. Throw on a CB antenna, and we can converse with the big rigs. If the monster purple suitcase flies off the roof and hits a truck, it will knock it off the road. Then the big rigs will be mad at us.

We crossed into the US at Buffalo, stayed a night in Albany, NY, a night in Portland , ME, and a night in Freeport, ME , getting to Charlottetown on the 4^th day. It sure was a better drive than Northern Quebec. If it storms, I’ll take Albany over Riviere-du-Loup anyday.

The whole family together for 4 days in a little van. Dunkin Donuts, chips, fries, what’s next ? My hair flipped up and I’m headed to NASCAR.  I found it interesting how overheated my body felt for that 3 weeks of eating so much or so badly, like my  personal global warming bioassay. Do you suppose pollution makes our individual furnaces run hotter, just like the planet’s? Eating that way also creates a disturbing amount of garbage.

 If there’s a recession, someone should tell the Americans. Malls were as full as ever. The lineup at the checkouts was long. Can a recession can be prevented just by the collective power of millions of people not believing in it? Or is the reality just beginning to settle in? Maybe all those people were not buying, or maybe they won’t be buying now. I think we’re a little insulated from the situation in Canada.

 We’re walking through L.L. Bean. Bill saw an item of clothing he liked but refused to buy because it was made in China. He had noticed the same thing about the Lexus cars parked in the center isle of a mall the day before.  The sticker in the window said “% Canadian or American content, zero”.

He noticed where an item was made within 15 seconds. Put me in front of those cars or clothes for a full minute and I bet I couldn’t tell you where they were manufactured. That information doesn’t jump out at me.

I see that Canada and the US can trade “fairly” because a dollar is worth a dollar and the wages and standard of living are the same.

I can understand that there can be no such thing as fair trade with a country like Mexico or China where people work for $5 a day while we work for $15 an hour. Companies are sending all the manufacturing there but they want all the consumption to stay here. It can’t happen. If we don’t buy our own stuff, nobody here will have money to spend on anything, regardless of where it’s made.

But the spirit of America is stronger than ever. We want to make the right purchasing choice.  It just needs to be more obvious. Put a big US flag or a picture of Obama right on the front of American-made items and I bet more people would add that consideration to decide their action.

 If I had $20 left at the end of the week and Made in the USA or Made in Canada or Made in China was more obvious, I’d be swayed by that. I may not always like or choose what America makes but it would pressure North America to make what its citizens want.

Have you watched Mr. Al Gore’s documentary An Inconvenient Truth? No person over the age of 10 should miss it. It will change your life. Hopefully, it will change all of our lives. In it, he explains that emission standards for cars made in the US are so low that they could not be driven in China. If that is still true, then US automakers don’t deserve to have their vehicles bought. The technology is in place. This is a political low point. Consumers do, and should, use more information than where something is made when they decide what to buy because some issues are bigger than all of us.

 For many products, this just needs to be easier. Every consumer demographic should be able, within 15 seconds, to say where a product is made to factor it into a buy decision. It would be easy to say that consumers should be more conscious of the issue and actively find the information like Bill does. I don’t think that’s realistic. I’ll be too distracted by all the other things I’m noticing. We want to do well but we’re lazy. I’m lazy.

Imagine if Sephora had all the animal-tested stuff on one wall and the cruelty-free products on the opposite wall, clearly marked. I bet the tested products would be gone in a year. We’re strongly driven to spend our last $20 on what we want but we have enough conscience to support the right side more often than we do if we don’t have to go out of our way too much.

It will be interesting to see how retail does in the next 4 months. Mobil is putting its gas grades R to L, unlike the conventional L  for cheapest and R for costliest. Someone not paying attention will select the most expensive. Maybe they’ve always done that, but now, we’re noticing and resenting. Diesel costs more and it’s a by-product of gas. Gas in Canada costs much more than in the US. … and the gas companies are not screwing us?

 Some will go under. Some will try to sting us a little deeper.

Thanks to Sandra for the link to Sundance Catalog. There are some beautiful things here, “Cleverly Cute Shoes” , “Ultra Cool Boots”, items for the home, jewelry (Circle Of Friends earrings, be still my heart!), and clothing. The Outlet, always my second stop at a new website (after About Us), is there. The prices are entirely competitive. From the About Us page, everything appears to have been crafted by artists across the US.

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Imitating the activities of wealthy people is a means of becoming one yourself, faster. The wealthy tend to have Savings Accounts and Giving Accounts. They don’t hoard their money carefully. We assume that it’s easier for them to give money because they have more to give. Dan says “Not so”. They give because they have more confidence that there’s plenty of money to be had. Money is an energy form that flows freely, without the restrictions and barriers that often surround it.

Following Dan’s recommendation, I tried it for 4 months. My Savings and Givings accounts are doing well. Has a new set of energies been set into motion bringing me closer to financial independence? No, it’s not that easy or obvious. I do feel much less guarded about money though. I spend more freely and I give with less reservation.

Do I have more money in the bank? No. 

Have opportunities been flowing towards me? Not so I can tell.

Is money finding its way to me in random and unpredictable ways? Same answer.

The biggest difference is that I’m calmer. I’ve released the feelings of caution and needing to shield the little I have. It’s tiring and distracting to safeguard money all the time. I’m not even sure it’s productive in that you don’t have any more to show for it.

It’s also boring to be so restrained all the time. Imagination is the best thing there is, along with an opened-up mind. Constant vigilance shuts those off completely while a peaceful mind is the most fertile of all ground.

Maybe something did happen. It might even be worth a few zeroes.

On Dan’s recommendation, I bought the next link in my learning chain, namely Napoleon Hill’s Grow Rich! With Peace Of Mind. You may know Hill’s more famous Think and Grow Rich, a book which many cite as pivotal in their growth but that didn’t really speak to me. 

This is the book Hill wrote when in his eighties. It’s the culmination of what he’d learned, the stories and methods that most impacted readers, and the result of a lifetime of reflection about life’s priorities. Dan said Grow Rich! With Peace Of Mind is “the best one of them all”. I can tell already that he’s right on. It’s speaking to me loud and clear.

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If I won $5 million, I couldn’t go back to spending $80 for jeans- and I don’t even want to talk about $400 jeans. I might drive to Value Village in my Nissan Altima – well, no, I don’t really notice cars. Would I arrive wearing a $2000 watch? Possibly, though I’m really loving this Eddie Bauer watch I’ve had for a year.

I bought it because it has a light beam that shines out the front and it has a magnifying glass. I thought it would be a good way to search for ingrown eyelashes on dog eyelids. Strange, I know, but it works. It’s also a good watch. Solid, no fuss or frills, a little menswear, great work watch. Here’s how the magnifier works:

Well, I’d be wearing $200 perfume.

Value Village is a used clothing store, but not just any thrift store. They first opened in California in 1954 and have since taken on a commitment to “provide the best shopping experience and selection of any thrift store in the world”.  It’s certainly the best I’ve been in.

So, yes it is used clothing. Yes, much of it, you would never even consider, no different than any other store. Yes, it might smell like a used clothing store. Wear extra perfume and think about the big money you’ll save.

That’s 3 minus points. Here are 9 for the plus side:

1. They have fantastic sales and coupons, with a promo of some sort on almost all the time. The coupon calendar at the end of the year? At $1.99, I buy two.

The cords are Old Navy Bootcut , very light beige. My belt from I don’t remember where.

 Isn’t this pattern on the shirt great? I know it’s wrinkled, but I don’t iron. Hey, I get peed and bled on at my work. Who in their right mind would iron?

 2. Clothing is not just randomized, or worse, in bins. That makes me crazy. It’s all sorted according to type, size, and color in a system that repeats throughout the store. You can go through the place in 30 minutes once you get that it’s a very consistent landscape.

You can see where the T comes from. The pants are Bluenotes bootcut jeans. The belt is VV too, though I don’t know the make. The belt might be a bit much but I think it works in a Christian Lacroix sort of way.

3. AE, Gap, Banana Republic, Aeropostale, … The place is loaded with this stuff  and it’s all less than $10. Sometimes the item has just been washed too many times and you wouldn’t buy it for 25cents. More often, it’s only gently used.

The zip fleece is a dark chocolate brown. The tank cost $5 at Ardene. The rest was less than $5 all together. OldNavy shorts.

4. I have learned about myself that I get bored easily and quickly, regardless of whether the item cost a fortune or not. If I paid $4.99 and wear it once before I decide I don’t like it, there is not a moment’s guilt in putting it in the clothes donation bag. And I don’t get aggravated when my kids do the same, but I sure do if I paid $40 and they decide it’s too tight after 3 wearings.

 Gap shirt and great lined-waistband stretch work pants. Here’s a closeup of the shirt, sheer light cotton but not transparent. The belt is from whatever the Northern Reflections mens’ store used to be called years ago.

5. There is no better place for children. They can go off on their own with no fear of what they’ll bring back. There’s no arguing over what they want. At $4-9 for most items, they can have anything they want. In days gone by, my children left their clothes in puddles and their shoes in trees. Was I really going to buy matching little ensembles when the top would have goop on it before they were in the car? Are baby clothes not just a way to keep vomit off them?

Roxy Board shorts ; Old Navy racer back tank was new,cost $10.

6. It’s the best place for pants. 100 pairs, all your size, all pre-shrunk and broken in,  Club Monaco, GAP, Garage, JCrew, Ralph Lauren, Old Navy, more Old Navy, all cheap. Pick out 10 pairs, cart them to the dressing room. You’ll find a great pair at least once a month.

This is one of those items I’m drawn to for some strange reason, but I know it’s as ugly as it is nice (some of you might say more so). I put it here because it (along with the header photo) provided the color palette for this website. My brother hates the color of the navigation bars. I’ve read that some degree of color blindness is common among men.

7. If your teens are into vintage or retro, or need a costume for a party, this is your destination. As preteens, mine have become painfully discerning about their clothing, so we have a deal : we look at the VV first. Most often, they find 3 items there that they didn’t know they wanted, and are so grateful that I bought them that they no longer need the original. I am so grateful that the whole bundle cost $22.

This photography gig is killing me. I cannot show you how gorgeous this shirt is. It’s washable silk, really beautiful. It’s the find you stuff in your shopping cart under all your other finds and don’t let it out of your sight till it’s in your car.

Here is a closeup of the fabric with truer colors. It must have cost a fortune new.

8. On the days I find 4 shirts, 3 pairs of pants, a cool belt, 3 books, and a set of serving trays, I buy them all. There’s no choosing this over that.

You’ve heard of Isaac Mizrahi at Target. This is Liz Clairborne at Value Village. Good work shirt. It’s a silk/cotton blend, very light with a slight sheen.

This is Banana Republic at the VV.

9. Hey! It’s good for the planet ! We all have too much, we buy too much, we consume too much. It’s a way to give a little back and get some for you at the same time.

>> cspics

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Linked to source.

Who is Dan Kennedy?

He could be considered the ultimate marketer for his ability to reap every last dollar from an idea. Based in Phoenix, and very selective about the clients he takes on, he sees opportunity regardless of the details of the business, be it individual or corporate.

You can see a picture of him here at DanKennedySuccess.com. I always have to see what people look like. I emailed his book distributor asking for permission to post a picture but they didn’t reply. You can see him if you follow that link, astride the animal he often appears with in his logo.

Along with maintaining a robust speaking schedule, he’s written extensively about his tactics. He is the author of the No BS Books. Depending on whether you’re reading Wealth Attraction or Time Management, you’ll learn different tactics.

Where to focus to unlock the cash

The 2 strategies he employs personally that really resonate with me as essential are first, define your ideal client exactly and exclude everyone else without apology or guilt. If you try to reach too large an audience, or try to keep everyone happy all the time, you’ll be frustrated and won’t enjoy the clients you work for. If you define precisely who you want to reach, it’s much easier to go about finding her.

Linked to source.

Secondly, engineer schemes that continue to provide income long after you have moved on to other ventures. Once a project is rolling on its own steam, it can continue to provide new clients with value without needing continued input from you. Book royalties could be an example of this. It’s called recursive income.

Wealth Attraction for Entrepreneurs. The Ultimate No Holds Barred Kick Butt Take No Prisoners Guide to Getting Really Rich

Attraction for Entrepreneurs

In Wealth Attraction for Entrepreneurs, Dan does use the Law of Attraction concepts of magnetizing your desires to you, but without the strong energy slant that sometimes dilutes the message. His writing, and no doubt his speaking style, is as blunt and matter-of-fact-realistic as it gets. You’ll get your money’s worth on the “No B.S.” part.

The 26 Wealth Magnets, the core of the book, cover the general philosophy and beliefs you have about money and your behavior regarding money in your everyday life that either lure or repel prosperity. The actions and conduct you apply in your relationship with money, often without any conscious awareness of it, are examined as well.

He’s a bold and unembarrassed self-promoter but it helps him make his point more strongly. I read the book and go back to the beginning and re-read it. I think I’m on reading # 14. I’ve never read any of his many other books because I’m always re-reading this one. I love this guy. He sets my head straight and feels action-oriented. I like something I can do better than something I can think, but the reflective sections are presented with such practicality and common sense that it’s easy to get what he’s saying and then think it.

What rich people do

So, you want to be an entrepreneur and achieve financial freedom? I most definitely do. Well, I don’t know any wealthy self-made businesswomen to hang out with. The next best thing to spending time with them is acting like them, doing the things they do.

Saving and giving are behaviors that the affluent are known to practice. They save money in Savings Accounts and they give money from Sharing Accounts with equal discipline. Dan proposes a 90 Day Experiment where you begin an account of each type and put into practice, which then becomes habit, saving and giving money.

Linked to source.

Makes complete sense to me. Dan says in this chapter that this topic usually takes hours to present. I can’t imagine what he’d say for about it for hours. We know that wealthy people support many charities. Giving sends back a signal that says “You have so much, you can afford to let go of some of it”. We also have a moral responsibility to share, as the 10% of the planet that uses up 90% of the resources.

We know also, from a very concrete non-spiritual calculation, that we get back exactly as much as we give and a little more besides. That topic is covered in the article Keyword : [Give]. There is no drawback. I just need someone to kickstart me into doing it. It’s not the money that holds me back. A foster child from World Vision costs $33/month. You could easily spend more at Tim Horton’s in a month. I’ve just been lazy and thinking backwards, trying to protect my money.

Those reasons are important and true, but they’re obvious.

Believe in your prosperity

Giving freely to charity is appealing for another reason. It’s the mystery aspect. It’s the reassurance from Dan that it will set into motion a new set of energies that will make you a wealth and opportunity magnet. It’s Dan saying the equivalent of “Trust me. It will change your subconscious brain waves in ways that cannot be explained.”

Say no more, I’m there. I made my first donation to Wikimedia because I believe knowledge is power and it is freedom. My second donation went to Jane Goodall’s Chimpanzee Conservation Fund. I can very proudly state that I am a Chimpanzee Guardian. Who cannot honor Jane Goodall? My admiration for her work and the image of kindness and strength that she projects as a woman are beyond my ability to describe.

Linked to source.

Care to meet my chimpanzee ? His name is Petit Prince. My hands shake and my eyes well up when I read his story and that of the other animals. In helping him, I have made myself feel better and more empowered than I have in weeks.

I’ll let you know on October 4 if my subconscious mind is sending a new set of signals. In the meantime , I thank Dan for proving to me that I’m not as poor as I think I am and for motivating me to do something that makes me feel so good.

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© 2007–2008, Christine Scaman. All rights reserved.

In my years of working with women investors I have come to appreciate our ability to acknowledge and manage complex and intense emotion. Does this sound like the words of a psychologist or a financial advisor? I believe that you cannot advise people about their wealth and the market place without a strong understanding of human motivation and behaviour. This will become quite evident as we enter 2008 and experience periods of volatility.

Linked to source page.

Jeremy Siegel in his book, “Stocks for the Long Run” (2007) states,

“Fear has a greater grasp on human action than does the impressive weight of historical evidence.”

This statement is the cornerstone of wealth creation. History tells us that the market will inevitably go up. History tells us that inflation will erode our dollars and that eventually buying low and selling high will make us rich. But the impediment we face is the feeling of discomfort that accompany acting upon this knowledge. We must hold on when others sell. We must learn to ignore media hysteria in favour of adhering to our financial plan and riding out the ups and downs with a solid portfolio of diversified holdings.

Linked to source page.

This requires a discipline of thought and action. This necessitates feeling things and ignoring those feelings. For in this one area of your life the wisdom of your inner voice must be unconnected to your emotional predilections. It is natural to feel a mild flutter as you are rising higher and higher on the ski chair. It is unwise to jump off. It is understandable to have a sense of panic when your car slides on some black ice. It is foolhardy to let go of the wheel and thrust yourself out the door.

Linked to source page.

Women are by and large, excellent planners. Women have the wiring for foresight and seeing the big picture. Women are awake to feelings and excellent managers of emotionally laden situations. Women make terrific investors and even better rich people! And all it takes is one simple principle. The wise woman in you must step out in faith for the future and allow the knowledge of the past to dictate her response to the present.

Tracy Theemes, MA, CFP, Investment Advisor
RBC Dominion Securities, Vancouver, BC
www.tracytheemes.ca

The information contained herein has been obtained from sources believed to be reliable at the time obtained but neither RBC Dominion Securities Inc. nor its employees, agents, or information suppliers can guarantee its accuracy or completeness. This report is not and under no circumstances is to be construed as an offer to sell or the solicitation of an offer to buy any securities. This report is furnished on the basis and understanding that neither RBC Dominion Securities Inc. nor its employees, agents, or information suppliers is to be under any responsibility or liability whatsoever in respect thereof. The inventories of RBC Dominion Securities Inc. may from time to time include securities mentioned herein.
RBC Dominion Securities Inc.* and Royal Bank of Canada are separate corporate entities which are affiliated. *Member CIPF. ®Registered trademark of Royal Bank of Canada. Used under licence. RBC Dominion Securities is a registered trademark of Royal Bank of Canada. Used under licence. ©Copyright 2008. All rights reserved.

(You’ve met Tracy before in the articles What Does Money Mean To You? and Do You Allow Someone Else To Control Your Money?)

Tracy – Please accept our sincere thanks for bringing us awareness of an issue whose importance cannot be overstated, and yet is too often a black box of fear and lack of understanding. You have a unique perspective as a financial advisor and a woman with empathy for the lives and thoughts of real women. In your rational voice, you empower us with knowledge and confidence. C.

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© 2007–2008, Christine Scaman. All rights reserved.

Does your husband control the money?

When I feel nervous about money, I speak with Tracy Theemes. You’ve met her in the Money article above, as an Investment Advisor for RBC Dominion Securities in Vancouver. This woman is exceptionally gifted is in understanding the relationship between women and money. As a wife and mother herself, she empathizes deeply with the social position women occupy (or is it, allow themselves to occupy?).

Tracy’s response

Tracy took the time to write a conscientious response to my request that she read the Money article and the responses. The following is a transcript of her email to me. It is so important that you sense the urgency in her words that I have changed very little. The paragraph breaks have been moved to create a better flow. Some personal comments from Tracy’s own life have been removed.

Tracy Theemes

“ I don’t know if the written word can express the depth of my concern about the comments below.
I have spent the last two weeks trying to figure out why women allow themselves such passivity over the most important currency in this culture. From a business point of view I see women letting male advisers treat them disrespectfully, widows keeping their investments in what “George” had even though George was always crappy at the money game and divorcees simply looking for another man (brother, son, CA, it doesn’t matter) fill in the role of the patriarch and tell them what to do about their money.
Today in my class I told a story to my 25 women about an elderly woman who will not move her business even though her advisor called her an “old bitch”. When I asked the class to explain her behaviour to me…they said that women are used to men dominating them. I replied that there is no domination without allowing.
The more interesting question is why do we allow this? They gave some interesting answers. I am not encouraged. I thought that women would welcome education, respect and communication at their own level. Apparently not. They surrender control way too often and, unless forced, still think this whole money thing is going to miraculously all work out and some guy is going to do it.
What good does it do if we own 70% of all the assets in the country if we give the control back to the men? And as a person who has interacted with hundreds of Canadian women in the last year and a half, that is exactly what is going to happen if we keep on this path.”
We as a gender in this country are woefully ignorant and submissive about the big money. (Not to be confused with the fussing we do about saving 25 cents on a no name brand of Spaghetti-O’s instead of the national brand)
Women certainly become emotional on the topic. Too often, the emotions resonate in the realm of justification and rationalization for not taking action. There is simply no reason good enough to not understand your financial situation and not deal with it. We must understand that mortgage is debt and therefore we cannot buy the stuff I want while we pay if off. And it’s just stupid to play games, or find excuses, about buying stuff when it is not in your long term financial best interest.
But I have also come to the conclusion that my empathy and understanding are holding women back. It’s time for tough love. Get out those net worth statements, women, and fill them out!!”

My intention

She’s been tough with me, though not tough enough, about learning where the money is, and is not, in my family. My husband looks after the majority of the family finances. I can make a million excuses. I was busy with three kids… I have a job of my own… He takes no interest in the house, so I have to do that too….

Time for me to shut my mouth and open my mind, and get real. There is no excuse. My resistance comes entirely because I would rather take no responsibility so I can’t be given any blame. I cannot be too busy to have some knowledge of an energy and a power that affects me so deeply.

I intend to write at the end of this month that my husband and I have come together as equals in this matter. We will share an equal comprehension and participation in our financial position and future decisions.

Please post a comment to our community and tell us that you did the same.

A final question

I wonder why the men want this control. I know that men assume a power position quickly when challenged. However, in the day to day management of household expense, the confrontation factor is not huge. It seems to me that they would prefer to share responsibility (and fault, when things go badly).

Is it that they managed it all for so long that it’s annoying to have to explain it all to us, from the beginning? Is it that they don’t want us to see what they’ve been doing in case we challenge them, or have better ideas? Are they so confident that they’re doing the best job possible that they don’t need help, particularly when our advice is backed with no knowledge or experience in the subject?

What do you think?

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© 2007–2008, Christine Scaman. All rights reserved.

Money, lots of it.

      Do you apologize for wanting it? Do you share your parents’ beliefs that it is selfish to have more than your share? Or that it must be earned by hard, and I mean hard, work?
While there’s no right or wrong answer, the way you think about money will determine how much of it you have.

Women see a bigger picture

      Women don’t see each part of their life separately from all the other parts, we don’t compartmentalize in that way; everything draws from and contributes to everything else. Unlike men, we cannot think of only one thing at at a time. Men can actually think of zero things at a time, which is interesting in a completely different kind of way. And so it is with money. We view money as part of a whole, rather than as an isolated entity.

      Men are linear thinkers, one thought in front of the next. Women are eclectic thinkers, many thoughts all at the same time. It’s free-association and random stream-of-consciousness. We solve every problem and approach every situation using data we draw from all the experiences we have ever had. We never separate the emotional from the cerebral from the physical. This is part of why we’re such gifted multitaskers.

Tracy Theemes

      I would like to introduce you to a good friend of mine. Tracy works as an Investment Advisor for RBC Dominion Securities in Vancouver, BC. She specializes in understanding the differences in how men and women feel about money and advising women on financial planning and investment strategies. On the question of how men and women approach any situation, not only financial, the depth of her understanding is remarkable.

Tracy Theemes, MA

      You can see her home page here http://www.tracytheemes.ca. As Tracy describes on this page, women want money to fit into their value system and intentions for themselves, their families, and for society as a whole. You will find on this page a woman who truly understands, loves, and respects how women see themselves and how we want to be treated.

      I love these words from her home page : We tend to be society’s custodians of social order and values . This says something very powerful to me about the importance of our role as women in the world we want to live in, meaning that it is up to us to create it. The men don’t feel it, neither at a local (family) nor global (society) level.

Why I want money

      Last summer, Tracy asked me to define exactly why I want money, because I do want it. She knows that like most women, I don’t want money to ‘get ahead’ or ‘buy more stuff’. I don’t care what I wear/what I drive/ what my house looks like. I don’t want possessions, I don’t care about them, and I don’t notice them when others have them.

      I don’t see money as a status symbol or a power tool. It does not form part of my identity. I do want to educate my kids and have a secure future. I do want to travel. I do not want to be limited in my ability to expand who I am and what I can know or think about because I don’t have money. But that still didn’t feel like the real reason.

I thought for a long time and here’s what I’ve decided :

I want money because the day to day distraction of not having it keeps me too grounded and it interferes with my originality and my creativity.

      My desire is to develop my ability to create value in the lives of others. To do that requires the time to think, to research the great things I want to tell you about, and to get the information to you. It takes money.

       It feels good to finally know this about myself. It’s a type of self-discovery. Isn’t it surprising how hard it is to really know yourself?

Thank you for subscribing to A Greener Tea. If you are subscribing via email, please be aware that in order to comment on this thread, you will need to visit this post on the Web: WHAT DOES MONEY MEAN TO YOU?. Replies via email will be seen only by Christine.

© 2007–2008, Christine Scaman. All rights reserved.