RSSCategory: Happiness
A Cheap Gift To You From You
October 13, 2008
It’s “A Cheap Gift To You From You” every day this week ! We’ve survived September, one of the toughest months. We’re back to carrying the burden of our childrens’ social, athletic, academic, and artistic schedules and frustrations … oh, yes, and run our own lives as well.
Have you learned to expect that three weeks into school, the kids all get sick ? Even without kids, you’re exposed because the viruses disseminate like rockets.
Dammit, we deserve a gift. Throw this cleanser into the cart when you’re wondering if buying Motrin in bulk is somehow defeatist, or setting yourself up for a self-fulfilling prophecy you’ll regret.
Product Review : Neutrogena Extra Gentle Cleanser
A reader emailed to tell me that she called Neutrogena to inquire about animal testing policies. While they do not test their products, the parent company (Johnson&Johnson) does. I’m glad to know this because I can be more discerning when I shop (no J&J), while supporting subsidiaries with humane ethics.
A thick, creamy, white liquid, this cleanser is just plain agreeable. It feels like you’re taking special care of yourself. It is so incredibly non-irritating that it crosses over to being calming to skin and soul.
You may feel like a slightly waxy layer on the skin as you rinse but once you’ve dried your face it’s not perceptible. I have noticed no breakouts or clogged pores or any other negative issues with its use.
For those of you, and you know you are, who are still using soap and water, try this one.
Don’t expect a great makeup remover. It is not that. On makeup days, I still use my Paula’s Choice One Step Balancing in the evening. This cleanser is just a very pleasant way to start the day.
-->We’ve survived September, one of the toughest months. We’re back to carrying the burden of our childrens’ social, athletic, academic, and artistic schedules and frustrations … oh, yes, and run our own lives as well.
Neutrogena Extra Gentle Cleanser is so incredibly non-irritating that it crosses over to being calming to skin and soul.
Nothing You Believe Is True
October 12, 2008
Possibility is more interesting than reality – sez me.
“Imagination is more important than knowledge.”, sed Einstein.
If I were interviewing someone for a position, for any job at all, I’d be looking for three things only :
- genuine friendliness
- self-motivation
- imagination
That would be an impressive package. You can teach everything else.
Imagination sets us apart. It will be the key to our species’ success and to an interesting, wide open, off-the-treadmill future for us as individuals. Although everyone of us is capable, being more imaginative is hard to do. My sources have been children, exercise, and forcing my curiosity to expand beyond its natural limits. Does knowing your goals help unplug your head’s creativity? Nope, because not only is nothing we believe true, nor is what we think we want. In fact,
We don’t know what we want
Malcolm Gladwell is a sociologist, known for having written The Tipping Point and Blink . The Tipping Point discusses the phenomena of crazes. How does something become incredibly popular overnight, and what factors created that explosive growth? Blink argues that people are wired to make accurate judgements very quickly based on conscious and subconscious information gathering.
Do you know about the TED Conference? It will make you want to cheer for the entire world, for the collective voice of humanity. Gladwell speaks here about spaghetti sauce:
The point he makes is that we have no idea what we want. The context was that marketing might as well not ask consumers what they want because they will not know till they are given it. Once the product becomes available, like extra-chunky spaghetti sauce, it will fly off the shelves.
We don’t know our goals
We’re told to write down goals or set precise goals in our head. Has it happened to you that the goal looked so right for you, but when it is realized, it didn’t fit at all with who you really are? Thinking something would be perfect, and then getting it and not wanting it … seems to happen to me a lot.
It’s like the Donny Osmond poster on your bedroom wall (OK, there is no Donny Osmond poster on my wall; it’s a Josh Groban poster; you know Josh Groban, when he sings Come What May ?
Woo-hoo-HOO-hoo-hoo ; sorry, Josh always gets me off-topic ; I’ll get the cold cloth off my forehead and keep going here),
…the poster coming to life. It dawns on you that you might not want to interact with him as a human being, you just want to have a crush on him from a distance. You thought he’d be so perfect but it was only his image that was perfect.
For those interested in purchasing this item, it comes from here. Not only do they have many Donny images and products in stock, but they are interested in buying your Donny items from you 
You buy a pair of jeans without trying them on because they look perfect. You’ve been looking for that make. You love the color, the closure, the pockets, the rise is not too low or high. You know someone with a similar body type who looks awesome in them. You get them home, try them, and they’re way wrong. They fit someone, but not you.
Am I just wishy-washy and still muddling around in the stinking swamp of some low level of consciousness? Do people with higher awareness know their deepest wishes?
Ah, hell, what is the point of thinking about it? It’s like wondering why cats and dogs eat grass. We’ll know the answer the day one of them tells us. We could spend lots of time speculating but the odds are high we’d be wrong, so why bother? The answer is probably “just because”.
The real you
I never said to stop believing IN yourself. You would never, ever do that. It’s the most constructive and creative power in your possession. Believing IN yourself is what this site is all about.
Peter Russell answers the question of why not to believe. You might wonder if you’ve come up with anything new on your own, or are you just towing along a pile of inherited crap that would make Your Deeper Self snort and roll her eyes?
Of course, as soon as you ask the question “Does it have to be this way?”, it is beginning to change. It’s only as concrete as you say it is. Your beliefs and boundaries define your entire existence but also limit your possibilities. We need to ditch them to see our lives in new ways.
It’s hard to do. There are consequences attached to asking questions like that. Anyone remember Jonathan Livingston Seagull? Read the plot summary on the Wikipedia page. This type of material has been around since long before personal development became an industry.
Delete your beliefs and watch the windows open
You will stop You from allowing big changes. You will set up road blocks you won’t even be able to see. But once you are free of your preconceptions and presumed opinions, you are liberated from the restrictions they impose as well.
You can view them as an impartial observer or through the eyes of someone else, someone who doesn’t carry your particular set of personal constraints. The realm of what you can do or are willing to do changes drastically.
Take off, imagination.
--> Possibility is more interesting than reality – sez me.
“Imagination is more important than knowledge.”, sed Einstein.
Imagination sets us apart. It will be the key to our species’ success and to an interesting, wide open, off-the-treadmill future for us as individuals.
Does knowing your goals help unplug your head’s creativity? Nope, because not only is nothing we believe true, nor is what we think we want.
Do You Keep Your Age Secret?
October 6, 2008
Debby wrote a comment recently to an article that got a lot of heat, Why Do You Want To Look Younger? She speaks for many women (the majority?) in that she avoids telling her age.
Paula and Avis at BeautyBunch
Interestingly, I’ve been looking at the Paula’s Choice blog at Beauty Bunch lately. The site is an introduction to Paula and a few members of the Paula’s Choice team away from the office. This is not a marketing site. Topics range from travels, to pets, many of whom come to the office each day, to the TV shows they follow. It’s intriguing to meet them in their regular lives. I didn’t expect to find that Paula would be funny.
2 recent posts are especially pertinent to Debby’s comment. The first is written by Paula herself, at My Thighs Are Not My Legacy.
Avis Begoun, Paula’s sister, is the author of the second article, at Growing Old Well. Avis is a clinical psychologist who specializes in women’s issues, and seems a thoughtful, interesting woman.
I was so happy to see women rejecting the notion that aging must be a setback. Could there be a groundswell of us out there who will decline to buy into the idea that something bad is happening when we get older?
We are stronger, smarter, richer, more independent and empowered, less fearful, healthier, and more vibrant than women of our age have been at any time in history. Why in the world are we the sorriest about it too?
Is younger better?
The young take better pictures. Of that, there can be no doubt. As the inside gets richer, the veneer has taken a few nicks and scuffs.
They need less sleep. Among the top three things I’d change would be the need for 8 hours each night.
Do I care that I have lines around my eyes? Not really. How did these lines get to be so important? They have so little significance. We have so much to celebrate. Why is this what’s in our heads?
Brian Clark wrote an article about Innovation at Lateral Action, a site dedicated to achieving success through creativity and productivity. He had some things to say that are relevant to our topic, and he said them well (if you’re language-sensitive, don’t go there). In Rule Number 5, replace “khakis” with “wrinkles”. Pause for a moment at Rule Number 8 as well.
Does Your Deeper Self care?
I am not leaving this life without having been the best parent I could be. It is my highest calling. Do my children care if I have lines around my eyes? Of course not. They expect it. Someone has to be the Moms and Dads. They want us to look like we can carry the load, instead of trying to run from it.
The deepest, strongest, most meaningful bonds between human beings are ignorant of lines around eyes. Superficial relationships might have a thing about it but is that a goal worth going after? Our skin records the events that have shaped us. The lines are the map to our soul and our spirit. In the lives of the people for whom you are a blessing and a gift, how high does your skin’s elasticity rank?
Is it downhill now?
What of the notion of being “past your prime”? Hey, the hard part is behind you. You’re setting up for the best years if you let yourself enjoy them. Your voice is finally coming on strong. You have some time and some clarity. At 30, I was distracted, careful, nervous. The great real estate looks to be ahead of me, not in the rearview mirror.
There is no need to believe you should have it all figured out. Nobody does. Ever. The best that you can hope for is to have a strong guiding light. The ability to find great happiness in the simplest things is an accomplishment by itself. It’s a big part of “having it all figured out”. Not only are you not “past it”, you’re just arriving. Don’t shut the door in your own face. It took you fifty years to get here!
Can you look at the women you interact with and see those who are retreating behind an age barrier (of their own imagining) and those who are just coming into their own, who seem happier every time you meet them? That’ s not good luck or good genetics. That’s a choice to let luck happen.
Your thoughts are your choice
The more you think a certain way, the more a reality that supports that thought process will exist around you. Things will come to you a lot if you think about them a lot. You will attract a lot. Get your thoughts on the right path. Keep moving forward and adapting to something you’ve consciously decided to believe in.
Through your thoughts and your actions, better things can and will happen. It doesn’t start from a position of having sorted all the variables into their neat little slots. It’s an ongoing evolution in your own head but it begins with choice and determination that you need to energize. These won’t get done for you. The energy for the first step is your declaration to the Universe that your beliefs are about to change. You are the medium for whatever message you choose to send out so MAKE your choice. Build it yourself from the blocks on the table in front of you.
The wisdom of age
Are there are 70 year old women reading this? Have you any advice for us? I try to think about difficult decisions from the perspective of my older self looking back at my life. I’m sure I will not wish I’d spent more time at the office, had a cleaner house, or worried so much about my age. Besides, there never seems any sense in thinking about what you can’t change. The number’s only going to get bigger so we might as well come to grips with it.
Living in a material world
As the gears of your life grind forward, don’t waste your own time caring about fluff. Think about all you’ve done and all that’s part of you that wasn’t there 20 years ago. People just see us as we see ourselves. Be fifty and LOVE your life and where you are in it.
This is your moment. Live it well. Take a stand against the part of you, the concern with age, that you want to evict. Say your age like it’s a good thing. Dredge up enough pride in how far you’ve come and all you’ve learned to say the number like the achievement it is.
Feel the love, sister. It’s real and we’re all here together.
-->Could there be a groundswell of us out there who will decline to buy into the idea that something bad is happening when we get older?
We are stronger, smarter, richer, more independent, less fearful, healthier, and more vibrant than women of our age have been at any time in history. Why in the world are we the sorriest about it too?
Challenge : Do Something For You Today
October 4, 2008
Women are experts at finding reasons for not looking after their general well-being in the way they would like to. We know that how we look or feel is disrupting our confidence, but we’ve invented reasons for not caring.
That doesn’t mean you have to hair your hair done every six weeks, or ever, if you don’t feel like it. You don’t have to lose a pound. You never need to meet someone else’s standard for how you’re supposed to look.
But if you look at yourself in the morning and think “Ugh”, or try to avoid mirrors wherever you go, maybe you can find yourself in the list below. If your hair is gone to frizz, highlights grown out, eyebrows are out of shape, but if you harbor ideas that …
- If I look great, I have to act different.
- I might lose control of my appearance if I let a stylist or esthetician near me.
- I might look like a clown.
- I’m not really worth it; I’m the Mom, I don’t deserve $100 hair color.
- I don’t want to draw attention to myself, or be noticed, or be fussed over, because then what would I do?
- Who really cares, who’d see me anyway?
- Beautifully shaped eyebrows are not in keeping with the role I play; focusing on my job and eyebrows together feels conflicting
- If I look different, I might send out a message that I’m not comfortable with; I don’t want to look self-absorbed or vain or (heaven forbid) hot
- I just don’t have time; the family needs me
… then, you’re holding yourself back for the wrong reason. Nobody weakens us better than we weaken ourselves (another thing we’re experts at). We women belittle and disparage ourselves every chance we get. It’s time to stop.
Not trying feels safe. Nothing bad can happen, there can be nothing to regret if you don’t try. The thing is, safety is overrated. So is shelter from your own imagination. Regret is overrated too. Why do so many people spend so much time there? Buy a beautiful journal and write.
Give yourself some credit. You deserve every ounce of it. Recognize the importance of your contribution by doing something for you. It doesn’t have to do with your looks. Get a reflexology treatment.
Acknowledge your worth with some money and some time. And decide beforehand that you’re not going say “I don’t know if I can do this” or any sentence beginning with “What if”, or worst of all, make up an excuse to cancel the appointment. You deserve better from yourself.
Lock up your useless inhibitions. Buy a nail polish. Better yet, get a pedicure. Your feet won’t look like they’re yours, but you can always go into stealth mode and hide them in socks till you get used to it.
Do what you think about. Cut off the ends of grown out hair. Get your old highlights covered and go back to a natural color. Spend sometime with yourself. And when someone says “Much better”, say “Thank you!”.
-->Women are experts at finding reasons for not looking after their general well-being in the way they would like to. We know that how we look or feel is disrupting our confidence, but we’ve invented reasons for not caring.
But if you look at yourself in the morning and think “Ugh”, or try to avoid mirrors wherever you go, maybe you can find yourself in the list below. If your hair is gone to frizz, highlights grown out, eyebrows are out of shape, but if you harbor ideas that …
Hold Your Ground
September 27, 2008
Exercise is a great metaphor for life. How you look is the minor payoff. The grand prize is its effect on how you think.
The mind-over-body challenge provides an ongoing simulation of asserting an intention and meeting the challenge at every workout. You have to dominate the demon that would keep you sitting on the couch. Get used to conquering demons and pretty soon, they start looking puny. Face down an obstacle every day and overcoming obstacles becomes familiar territory.
The expression “Hold Your Ground” has real meaning in movement, as well as being an analogy for strength and determination.
Literally, pull the ground
It means to grip the ground beneath your feet. Grip the ground when you move, like the tread on a bulldozer, and pull yourself along it. The ground you stand on? You own it.
I bought an elliptical machine at Canadian Tire. It was $299, on sale for 119 ( yes, 119, not 199!). Seemed like a good deal, with just-warmer-than-lukewarm reviews on the CT site. I agree with the reviewers who said the stride is short. But that’s not a bad thing. This feels more like running than stair-climbing or elliptical work. My body deeply dislikes running, and my knees abhor it. This is a great way to get the huge toning and calorie burn of running without the pain. 85% of the reviewers agreed that it was worth it for the price and I concur. Watch your CT flyers, women!
If you kickbox, picture being hard to tip over and impossible to lift up. It means you have to consciously set and harden your pelvic muscles. You can’t solidify your entire body from your legs alone. It has to come from deep in your middle.
If you remember the article Where Strength Begins : Hold Your Body Together, you’ll have seen the analogy of the cross hairs of a rifle in your pelvis (spine Y axis, Earth and Water line X axis). Tighten along the crosshairs and hold the whole thing together. Don’t let it rock unless you’re in control of it.
Take a few Pilates classes. Learn how all movement begins and is empowered from your pelvis. Once you get how to do this, your limbs work smarter, not harder, because the power is coming from your core. Your limbs are then free to move with more grace and yet, more force. A powerful, rock-solid center is the origin for everything you do – in your head as well as your body. Imagine yourself hard to displace.
Here are a couple of brilliant ones with excellent instruction. Both are linked to their page at Collage Video.
Play with your feet
When only one foot meets the floor, feel the ground connecting with the entire surface of a strong, relaxed, and conscious foot. Feel your foot spread out and give your weight to it. Think about a secure, broad, comfortable foot. Have you ever really thought about how your feet connect to the ground? It’s a very calming thing to do and great for balance.
Anytime you leave the ground, land like Catwoman. We all remember the old record players in our parents’ living rooms, right? When you land, don’t let the needle skip. To do that, you have to tighten your pelvic and leg muscles before you land. Land softly, soundlessly, but securely. Much easier on the joints too.
Figuratively
Visualize these sensations as determination and resolve to get what you want. Whatever gets in the way better move because you don’t intend to. Be as steady metaphorically as you are literally.
Know the calm place in your mind that allows your body to find balance. Practice clearing your mind to make yourself secure. The inner calm that leads to mental stability will also be found faster each time you search for it. That sensation is stored in the same place in your head, whether the situation is mental or physical.
Visualize your foundation deeply rooted in the earth. I lose this when I wear heels. I feel wavering and erratic in my movements and how I think others see me. Though they can look nice if you’re standing or sitting, I seldom wear them. I expect it comes with practice but unless the shoe has a solid heel and comfortable toe, well…too often, the walk looks pinched and wobbly, not empowered. It sends the wrong message.
On the front page of the Allure magazine site, there’s a poll asking whether you feel more powerful in heels. 85% of women do! That’s interesting because they don’t look it.
Develop a strong core. Once the center is empowered, whether in movement or life, the actions that follow can be stronger, tougher, and more intense.
Gains, mental and physical, are guaranteed.
--> Exercise is a great metaphor for life. How you look is the minor payoff. The grand prize is its effect on how you think.
Hold your ground means to grip the ground beneath your feet. Grip the ground when you move, like the tread on a bulldozer, and pull yourself along it. The ground you stand on? You own it. The determination you need to get what you want? You own that too.
Book Review : Tom Robbins Fierce Invalids Home From Hot Climates (2000)
September 21, 2008
In my 20’s, I thought Tom Robbins was the man of my dreams. Eventually, I drifted away. I tried to read Jitterbug Perfume but couldn’t get involved. I felt like I had outgrown the excellent but fantasy-like freedom of his thought process.
That was back when I thought growing up was important. I was trying to be in control, a theme not in keeping with Robbins’ writing. I didn’t have the patience to read a story told by a stick and a can of beans. I just didn’t get it, but the limitation resided only within me.
Growing up is overrated
Since I now resist growing up, and am not only allowing, but squeezing all the random energy I can out of life, I’m finding him again. 25 years later, I’m just beginning to get what he got all along and re-reading all his books.
Does anyone remember his picture from the older books? Now who couldn’t drink wine with that for a week? Cuteness incarnate. Still easy on the eyes (yes, ok, I know it doesn’t matter, but it’s a strong memory, so I’m going with it),
Tom Robbins from HistoryLink
Out of pure loyalty to what could have been, and because I needed a travel book, I picked up Fierce Invalids. He’s only gotten better with time. (We all have, right? My point, exactly).
His writing still sends electricity down my arms when we connect over the right words. He tells a great story. Buried in the silliness, almost Monty Pythonesque at times, are reflections on human frailty and love, living with our imperfections and the meaning of a perfect existence.
Discover possibility
Try rocking your own boat. Shift the ground under your feet, poke a stick at your fire and see what sparks up. What you don’t know may be way more interesting than what you already know. Possibility is more fun than reality. In fact, realism limits possibility and should be done away with. With Tom Robbins, you don’t have to worry about too much realism. It’s the effervescence some might feel goes overboard, but I would disagree. The sparkle is what it’s all for.
He writes of suspending one’s beliefs. True to his inclinations, his clarity is found through meditation, with/without chemical assistance. Meditation and chemical assistance don’t get me there, though chocolate gives me a glimmer. Still, though never one to shy away from shoving one’s beliefs into free fall, I’ll have to reach my destiny in the earthbound, knuckle-dragging way.
The point is important though. It’s our own thought menu that’s the problem. The rhymes of our own lives get stuck in our heads. We need a way to climb out of the grooves we’re so entrenched in. Once the static is quieted and our definitions of so-called reality get peeled back, there opens a void into which new possibilities can live.
Laughter and Shattered Sensibilities
One of his characters is learning about laughter. I’ve never contemplated laughter before as a behavior. Improbably, considering that the subject is the internet (but not improbably at all, since its deeper thesis is freedom), my other life-changing book of the summer, The Cluetrain Manifesto weighs up the meaning of laughter too. It’s an odd behavior when you think about it. I could imagine an animal crying before I could see it laughing.
Some may find offense. If you’re thin-skinned on the topics of sex, government, or religion, these books might not be for you. If you’re looking for safe social commentary or linear plots, head back to the bookshelf.
Still the man of my dreams. He, and maybe the guy on the Josh Groban poster on my wall, which proves I’ve grown up too.
Great links
There’s a very complete life story here at HistoryLink.
january magazine posts an in-depth interview with Robbins about his writing process here.
At wikiquote, the more memorable passages and quotations from his books. I read a few almost daily, especially when I find myself going and getting all serious, important, and tiresome. Freedom (if that’s too much, let’s go with leniency or tolerance) and hedonism (sub pleasure if desired) can surely make the light shine brighter than dry, dusty austerity.
A YouTube interview where Robbins discusses the teachings of OSHO the Indian Mystic. (Uploaded by OSHO International).
Have I mentioned the man-of-my-dreams thing too often ? Nah.
-->In my 20’s, I thought Tom Robbins was the man of my dreams. Eventually, I drifted away. That was back when I thought growing up was important. I was trying to be in control, a theme not in keeping with Robbins’ writing. Since I now resist growing up, and am not only allowing, but squeezing all the random energy I can out of life, I’m finding him again.
Read more… So Damn Afraid Of Who I Am
September 19, 2008
My friend Nathalie said those words in a comment to Are You A Toned-Down Version Of Yourself?
She said,
Every so often, I ‘ll go back to read it again. I find it helps me gain strength in who I want to be and to not be so damn afraid of who I am. I guess the word is “confidence”.
When I began this venture, one goal was to understand what it is that women are so afraid of. Can you feel it, in yourself, or your friends, that holding back? I sense the caution in me too. I can only go so far in my self-discovery journey before I get uncomfortable and antsy.
Women (not girls) and fear
Is there a genetic switch on the X chromosome that flips with puberty?
Is it the female collective unconscious, the buried memories all women share of having been made to suffer physically and mentally for centuries that makes us so hesitant?
Is it just easier to be dutiful and obedient? Are we still listening to our parents’ warnings?
I don’t see it in girls before they’re 15 or so, but it is certainly there once they reach the late teens. Everyone appears to be born equal. Where does our confidence go?
Nathalie gets it in 1
But Nat’s just figured it out. She said it all right there. Are you amazed or is it just me? I was rooted to my chair.
It’s not anything external that we women are afraid of. It’s ourselves! It’s what we know we could be. It’s the knowledge that we could be all that we want to be. We are torn to distraction by the conflict of knowing we’re good enough and thinking we might not be.
It’s the need we have to apologize for everything and doubt ourselves so much. This is not wishing you were someone else. It’s dumbing ourselves down because it’s easier than coping with the fallout of having it all. We’d rather broadcast “don’t notice me, I’m not that great” than turn the spotlight on ourselves.
Living a life without limits is scary. We paint ourselves into a corner that keeps our truest selves, our Deeper Self, secret and guarded.
Grow in your own eyes
You don’t have to be who your parents expected. Or wanted.
You can try something and screw up completely and not be less than who you are. You can change your mind as often as you like and not apologize.
Women care more (or actually notice) how others feel. We are programmed to smoothe and unite. Now and then, overlook the discomfort of others for the sake of your growth and theirs.
Ignore the ‘on the rag’ comments, the “bitch” and the “dizzy” comments. People are not really being negative about you, just reacting to unease in themselves as you change the rules. Others become a little afraid of who we are too. It takes time to learn.
Is it the shift in the balance of power in the relationship that they sense? Is it anxiety about what else you’re planning to torpedo them with?
Who cares? Unfold a new piece of you every day and let it flex its muscles. Practice thinking about yourself in bigger terms that you do now.
Tulips smiling up at the sun, just for you, Nathalie.
-->
My friend Nathalie said those words in a comment to Are You A Toned-Down Version Of Yourself?
She said,
Every so often, I ‘ll go back to read it again. I find it helps me gain strength in who I want to be and to not be so damn afraid of who I am. I guess the word is “confidence”.
Welcome To Reality
September 17, 2008
At a party recently, a group was discussing and wondering why life is so tough, why you never get a break, why things always seem to go wrong, why everybody’s broke. One woman chimed in “Well, welcome to reality”.
Whose reality?
That’s not my reality.
Is it just the reality of people committed to being sick and miserable?
Is it the reality of people who watch the news and believe that it really represents the world we live in? The news on TV is only ever bad, which is just not possible. But it will still paralyze you if you watch it.
Is it the reality of people who have lived with financial tension for so long they no longer see a fridge full of food? What exactly do they need so much that they can’t buy ?
Is it just our culture? I’m reminded of the type of people who work in Small Business Loans in banks. Now I know that banks (at least in Canada) are doing what they’re supposed to which is to be risk-averse (they’re not investors after all) and to keep our money safe, and they do it well. But the Loans officers across the desk-who are also just doing their job-have gotten a lot of practice at saying No.
They read the proposals, purse their lips, look down through their progressive bifocals (nothing against them either, I wear them myself, see?
, it’s just the image I’m conjuring), you can hear the sizzle as their scrap of imagination fries up, the more of the proposal they read, and they hand it back to you across the desk with a terse, tight-lipped, and final little “No”. No, No, No, No.
Reality can’t be real. It’s not the same for any two people. There are no rules to this game. You can make them all up as you go.
Have a little creativity. Reality is whatever you say it is. Make your own reality. Yeah, ok, you don’t have the exact car you want. In your list of things you’re thankful for, is your car on the list anyway?
There are people for whom everything is a Yes. They say Yes things, they see them, they live them. Their life becomes a self-directed Yes because they chose it. Their imagination is unleashed. They invent their own Northern Star.
Get excited about what’s right in your life. Most of us have so much of it. Continue to dream. It’s you in the control tower. It’s you at the wheel. Nobody is running your show but you.
Let those Welcome To Reality comments ricochet right off you. It’s as good or as bad as you decide it is.
Does this sound like nothing more than positive thinking? Basically that’s all it is. But that’s a choice too. You’re not born a negative thinker or a positive thinker. You can certainly absorb the tendency from the family whose conversation you hear or the friends you spend time with. Before you know it, you’ve heard yourself say it so often, it’s a habit.
At some point, it was a choice you had. It’s still a choice you have.
-->At a party recently, a group was discussing and wondering why life is so tough, why you never get a break, why things always seem to go wrong, why everybody’s broke. One woman chimed in “Well, welcome to reality”.
Whose reality?
Advice For Girls Of All Ages
September 5, 2008
-->1. Never let a boy tell you what you think. Let yourself graduate.
2. There are no last chances. No last chances to get in on a game. No last chances for amazing jobs. There is always another chance.
“So, You’re A Shill For Paula, Right?”
September 2, 2008
That was the title of a recent email. There was no text, but I think the title said it all. Excellent. I’ve been wondering when someone would ask.
What will I shill?
First, I had to look up the meaning of the word “shill”. The dictionary in my computer tells me that a shill is “an accomplice of a hawker, gambler, or swindler who acts as an enthusiastic customer to entice or encourage others”. The usage in everyday language is more relaxed, but still implies two agents working in concert to promote sales.
I’m not really a shill for products, any more than any woman who shares information that might be of help to other women in her community. Women have individual and particular tastes about products and that’s just fine.
Ideas
If I’m a shill for anything, it would be for ideas, though more as a proponent than for mutual financial benefit. An example is the idea that women belong to certain color groups, or seasons if you follow the outlines in Carole Jackson’s great book, Color Me Beautiful book. I am absolutely a believer.
The Human Cooperative
I’ll also elbow my way to the head of the line for “Shills of the TED Conference” (TED home page here). The list of all the themes covered by speakers at TED are here, at the Themes A-Z. Whenever human beings leave behind all their hangups in the spirit of sharing, cooperation, and building something together, I want to be there. Watch Dan Gilbert tell us about happiness:
The internet
The internet itself is what I am the biggest shill for. It has brought us freedom of speech, idea, and expression. For all of us, by all of us, the ultimate democracy. It brings us the sublime creativity of our fellow human beings. Listen. It brings us this:
That video was uploaded to YouTube by Sethtann.
Now there’s a song of praise for you. A brotherhood of man. Amen.
Feeling a little tingle?
Where could it take us from here?
Do you know the book, The Cluetrain Manifesto (TCM) ? If that book is not my religion, then it is at least my anthem. I will write a review of it one day. You can read it online for free here . It is about the wonder and importance of the internet. The last paragraph sums up all that I am about, my reason for being. It lights up my life. On the home page, scroll on down to the 95 Theses. You’ll get the idea.
I proudly take my position as a shill for TCM. If you run a business, if you want to share an idea, if you spend any time on the internet even just browsing, if you want to sell something or buy something, if you have a human voice, read this book. Human conversation has been suppressed for too long by jargon-bleating, party-line-towing corporate robotics. Nobody’s listening anymore. They might as well be talking Klingon. We’re all talking to one another instead. I’ll be a shill for that community any day. It’s where I’d love AGT to go.
But why PC?
Because they understand, whether by accident or intention I’m not certain, what is written in that most excellent book. And although I recognize they’re not in it to lose money, I also believe that fundamentally, they sincerely want to empower women.
I don’t get paid by Paula’s Choice. They did agree to work with me because I want to learn how the internet works. Paula’s Choice doesn’t control what I say and never try to. They don’t suggest topics or coordinate their activity with mine. Because I also want to understand how money moves on the internet, Paula’s Choice agreed to help set up an affiliate program where I receive 8% of sales that link to Paula’s Choice (PC) through A Greener Tea (AGT).
I’m not sure how much I have so far, maybe $35 or so. It doesn’t matter. I just want to know how the links are set up, how the counters work, and what this language sounds like. They’ve been very patient despite my blunders and haven’t laughed when I tried to speak this new language.
So, why not Apple or Title Nine? They also make a product I like and they talk to us like we’re real. It’s because I’m really into skin care, you see. PC is a small, affable, flexible, and accessible group of people who talk to you in a real human voice. They have a position - you never wonder what they’re about. They behave with rare and refreshing transparency at every level. They are closer to TCM than any other corporation I know. A woman at the helm only enhances the image, but that’s just me.
Sure, there are many businesses like this. I just haven’t got round to inviting them to the picnic yet.
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That was the title of a recent email. First, I had to look up the meaning of the word “shill”. The dictionary in my computer tells me that a shill is “an accomplice of a hawker, gambler, or swindler who acts as an enthusiastic customer to entice or encourage others”. The usage in everyday language is more relaxed, but still implies two agents working in concert to promote sales.
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A Greener Tea
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