What those books brought me was awareness of my actions and words that I didn’t have before. I can see how I am perceived, and what I do to make it so, better than before. I agree with you that the advice is correct.

The first women to enter the male work world were “mannish”. They looked it, they acted it, and they made the sacrifices to live it. I am grateful to them for all those things because they opened the doors for the rest of us.

I also agree that you have to clearly define what you want for yourself. Two things have surprised me over and over though. The first is how easily both men and women respond with “Oh, is that what you want? I didn’t understand that. But sure, it’s fine, no problem”. People don’t hear us because we’re so wishy-washy in expressing it.

The second thing that always stops me in my tracks is how fast, like instantly, people change their reaction to you in accordance with your behavior. Just stand differently and they address you differently. Look a little different and they’ll grant you a whole new authority.

Is it all rather artificial? Oh sure. So is the bluster and strut of the male work world. But we can find our way within it more easily by accomodating (if not incorporating) some of it. It really is a game. As always in life, you can’t change everyone else – but you sure can change yourself.

Once you’ve had time to digest and practice the ideas in those books, I’d love to hear more about what you mean by “a new path”. Are you thinking of finding a work/home/self balance that works for you, or something else?