ARE YOU A TONED-DOWN VERSION OF YOURSELF?

March 31, 2008

Toned-down has a lot of synomyms. They are diluted, moderated, softened, reduced, restrained, modulated, kept within the bounds (ha!), diminished, and weakened.

The opposite of toned down is increased.

Elevate you.

Society’s (boring) rules for women

Our culture, every culture, relies on women to conform to the social order. The path we’re supposed to follow is littered with signposts that display those words above. We learn that by dimming the strength and energy of our character, others will not be overwhelmed and we will be rewarded with the things we want.

Life seems to flow more smoothly if we stay on our path, so it becomes a real effort to break free. We become hard-wired to be play the game by the accepted rules and can barely see ourselves striving to do the conventional thing. Every now and again, a tentacle of individuality might shoot out, but it’s quickly brought back inside and suppressed.

We all do this. I am no different. Here we are, brilliant, strong, energetic, curious women with serious intellectual and imaginative ability going around being calm, sweet, and nice. No more for me.

Reject the expected

From Lois Frankel’s great book, that you can read more about in the article Book Review : Nice Girls Don’t Get The Corner Office : “You do not have to act as you were taught. You do not have to act like you’re expected to. It will cause you to live a life limited by other people’s idea of you”.

Nice Girls Don’t Get The Corner Office by Lois Frankel, Ph. D.

Those last words really affected me : “… a life limited by other people’s idea of you”. What a terrifying prospect.

You can choose to be influenced by the doubts of others which are really doubts they have about themselves. Their mirror is projecting a reflection of their own doubts onto everything, including you.

Mine your inner source of You

Don’t be less than everything you are. Don’t water down the quirks of your personality. Don’t conform, don’t fit in. Be a force to be reckoned with even if it means overstepping the accepted boundaries now and again.

You can allow yourself to be molded by everyday pressures and expectations or you can be the one to shape others by the force of your personality. There is no need to minimize your gifts and interests. If you had not been meant to have them, they would not have been given to you.

The beat of your own drum

What turns on the bright light in your head? What illuminates your spirit? These are the places we all need to spend more time, not just in our own lives but in the lives of others as well. Slice through the humdrum to whatever it is that lights you up.

The most immediate effect is to feel happier. Even better, though it takes a little longer to shine through, is that you begin to connect to Your Deeper Self. Glimmers of who you really want to be float into your everyday consciousness.

Not everyone relates to the things that excite us, nor do they share your perception of life, but some people do. Some people will shy away, but you’ll filter out those who worry about what others think.

You are a conduit for the energy of the Universe. You are the vessel that contains your special talents and gifts. They were meant to be expressed. Seek out and surround yourself with people who allow your true self to float up to the surface and shine through.

Posted by Christine Scaman | Filed Under Happiness

Comments

2 Responses to “ARE YOU A TONED-DOWN VERSION OF YOURSELF?”

Nathalie MIller on April 29th, 2008 5:29 pm

Christine, I meant to comment a while ago, about this particular article you wrote. So far its my favorite. Every so often, I ‘ll go back to read it again. I find it helps me gain strength in who I want to be and to not be so damn afraid of who I am. I guess the word is “confidence”.
It’s fabulous dar…ling!!
Just add more pictures. Even something symbolic like a tulip opened up to smile at the sun. Was that corny or what.
I also have a suggestion for other articles you would be good at writting about. I’ll send you an e-mail about it. Let me know if you want to hear.
Oh what great fun!!!! Nat
Christine Scaman on April 30th, 2008 3:32 pm

YEAH!! I definitely want to hear. You could even write one of them if you want : )
Send me any suggestions!
And send me your blog URL puh-lease. I can’t find it.
Off to work on pictures. I’m hoping to train my children.
I love the tulip idea. They’re out there right now.
Your statement “so damn afraid of who I am” … inspired, woman, inspired. I’m going to do something with that.
Sorry for the late reply, my computer was having a nervous breakdown.
I fed it chocolate and wine and now it’s better for a day – kind of like me. Must need more wine.