RSSArchive for October 2008
Why Men Don’t Understand “No”
October 29, 2008
I often wonder why my husband behaves as though I haven’t spoken when I firmly, bluntly, concisely, and clearly ask that he not do certain things. I am not a vague person. I don’t ramble when I speak with him.
If anything, my arrows are shot straighter than necessary. It goes with being an Autumn, if you believe that each season has its own personality, as Bernice Kentner does. Click on each season’s icon near the bottom of the page to see if you match the season you think you belong to.
I adhere closely to the 90 second rule, even when we’re not fighting (see How To Fight With A Man And Win). I say what I mean and I mean what I say.
It is as though I haven’t said a word.
Are their ears plugged?
It could be a small thing like not handling any laundry except his own. I must have asked 7 times but he couldn’t hear. I finally taped an enormous sign over the machine that he HAD to see EACH time.
It could be a big issue like “either lay off the beer after work or stay away till we’re all in bed” – with big consequences, clearly spelled out.
I have a strong and good marriage. I’m pretty sure I got it right the first time and will stay with the one I’m with till the end. I am married to the man of my dreams, to the extent that he exists in the real world.
Having said that, I have no arrogance about the permanence of my marriage. We all have lines others should not cross. If it does end, the only reason I would ever marry again would be to secure half someone’s assets, and there had better be some real money on the table.
(kidding, kidding; I would never marry again).
Do they just not care?
The question at the moment is “Why in the world can he not hear me?” True, he doesn’t like rules to apply to him. He doesn’t feel he’s above them. It’s more of an irritation, a rejection of rules altogether, a conviction that they’re an annoyance intended for the small-minded, like Harry Potter.
It’s not just the one I’m married to. It’s all of them. Do I speak for us all here, or not? And let’s face it, the principle that “No is meaningless” has value. This is why they do better with rejection. “No” is another form of “Yes, but later”. Maybe it’s not a bad rule to follow.
For women, “No” is another form of “Oh dear, they don’t like me. What have I done to offend? This is all my fault. Let me run around in circles and fall all over myself saying things I don’t mean, trying to make amends.”
Have we taught them this?
As is always the case, answers can be found in the mirror. What is it that I do to cause Bill to misconstrue what No could possibly mean? In dealing with my son, I saw that it’s more widespread than just Bill and I.
For generations, boys of all ages been trained by women that when we say No, it means No, No, No, Maybe, Maybe, Probably, Probably, Probably, OK-if-you-say-so, OK-well-fine-then, Yes.
My son has learned that if he pecks at me enough, I’ll often get used to idea or give in to be left alone (no different with my daughters, may I say). And we all know about the teenage boy that won’t let it go till he gets what he wants, usually at the maximum limit that it’s available to him.
With my children, I now defer the problem with “We’ll see” while I think about it …and if they continue harassing me, it becomes a firm “No and no option to revisit the question”.
How do we speak to men?
What type of logic appeals to them?
Is this the answer? I think it might be.
Consequences are of limited use because pride gets in the way.
Productivity is a level of logic that they understand but I couldn’t think of an angle that could work here.
Ultimatums are no good because they get defensive and nervous if they’re cornered.
Appealing to their feelings with “It hurts me when you…” might work with some of them but I would venture that most can’t carry that around long enough to control their behavior in the moment. They already know there’s going to be a problem but they’d rather put up with it, knowing that eventually we’ll get over it, thereby reinforcing the No, No, No, Yes cycle.
“Catch him being good”, like in dog training? Tried it. Doesn’t work. He relaxes his self-discipline and I get taken for a ride I don’t want to go on.
My conclusion has become the same as for fighting cancer – it might still happen, but at least I know I did everything I could to prevent it. I stated my case, I never made him guess at the problem. If things get ugly one day, well then, they do.
And I have to be reasonable. Hell’s bells, I’m not perfect and I don’t expect myself to be. I have to live by the rules I set for others. I can’t expect him to be perfect all the time either.
How much do you let slide? What if he shrinks one of my wool sweaters once a year? What if he gets into mischief with my brother and imbibes a little too much red wine at Christmastime? Surely, I can endure.
-->I often wonder why my husband behaves as though I haven’t spoken when I firmly, bluntly, concisely, and clearly ask that he not do certain things. I am not a vague person. I don’t ramble when I speak with him.
I adhere closely to the 90 second rule, even when we’re not fighting.
It is as though I haven’t said a word.
4 More Makeup Tricks For Mature Faces 2
October 27, 2008
Back in September, I posted an article about eye makeup for older women in The First 4 Ways To Modify Makeup For Age.
Aging faces develop sharper angles because the layer of fat under the skin becomes thinner with time. Applying makeup with sharp lines and edges, be it poorly blended blush or a sharp edge of eyeliner, only emphasizes this feature of aging. Soft blurred edges that dissolve into one another flatter a mature face. This look is more softly rounded which imparts a youthfulness.
I agree with Lauren Hutton that sheer colors are more attractive that a heavy color deposit. When I say “a soft look”, I don’t mean dusty or watery colors. In most cases, unless you’re a Summer, dilute colors add no liveliness to the face at all. “Soft” here means a light hand in putting on the product and using products that don’t put down a heavy layer of pigment. The colors are pure and vibrant but the consistency is diaphanous, or sheer.
Today’s four are about the mouth.
1. Easy on the lipstick. Steer clear of too much or too dark. This is a very difficult look to pull off unless you really know how to balance the rest of the face. Watch out for “old lady” cliché colors like frosty coral, flat pink, and the nondescript burgundy-dusty rose blend.
Since I don’t have time to reapply lip products ever few minutes, but I find a soft, natural color becoming, I look for long-lasting glosses that work (Clinique Glosswear, L’Oreal Color Juice, and L’Oreal Infallible being among of the best in the affordable category) and use lipliner on the whole lip first.
Gloss is often marketed to younger women, so the colors tend to be fresher. The tradeoff is that it’s very difficult to find gloss without frost or sparkle. The cosmetics industry is producing makeup for 25 year olds. Hey, anyone want to put together a makeup line for us? I’m in.
Stick with colors in your season. Once you know which color type you belong to, you can choose colors that are very true (but sheer! they’re not the same, right?) and look great.
A Summer might look at L’Oreal Color Juice in Watermelon Crush. Summer is the group where frost doesn’t add anything. Their coloring is so soft that anything harsh is jarring.
A Spring is looking for a peachy pink. A light gold shimmer is nice on a Spring. Look at MAC Lustreglass in Instant Gold.
An Autumn does better with some metallic than any other because the whole look is toasty, like this.
Metallic goes overboard all too easily in today’s shimmer swamp. Subtle shimmer is always better.
Look at Almay Ideal Gloss in Bronze Shimmer or Lise Watier Plumpissimo Gloss in Bronze. Warm orange-red looks good too, especially for darker Autumns who need more color in makeup to coordinate with the extra intensity in their natural coloring.
It could be this, but even more red.
A Winter wears icy pink, like the lightest shades here, in her clothing. It looks gorgeous. As lipstick, it’s too faded. For any season, mouth color that is lighter than skin color is hard to do well. A makeup artist could probably balance this look with a stronger eye, but that’s not you and me for every day.
A bright clear blue-pink is also good.
L’Oreal Colour Juice in Raspberry Smash and Tutti Frutti are worth looking at.
If your lip color bleeds easily, gloss won’t work well. The colors stay the same, but you need to look for more tenacious formulas. Revlon’s Color Stay and Color Stay Sheers will get you there. And of course, there’s every imaginable texture in between.
2. Place light concealer at the corners of the mouth and along the outer edges of the lower lip. There are entire articles in this site on the Light Concealer’s ability to create a face lift effect. You still have to work with your own face. For instance, if the nose is thin, don’t put a stripe of light concealer, or shimmer either, down the center or your nose will look even thinner.
Some application spots apply to all of us, some more than others of course, and are easy to forget. Remember to blend light concealer at the corner of the mouth and continue it under the outer edges of the lower lip. The corners of the mouth often turn down a little with time and it can look severe. This technique is anti-aging because it lifts the corners up a little, brings some light, and makes the lower lip look fuller and more supported.
3. Discover a very effective anti-bleed lip liner. Choose a shade in the same color as the lips or a colorless product, to offset lip color’s tendency to move into cracks. Don’t spend a lot of money on this product. The best ones are often the cheaper ones. Search MUA and Beautypedia to find the lipliners that really work to prevent lipstick from bleeding into lines around the mouth. With a clear product, you could even apply it a little outside your natural lip line. Who would know?
The easiest place to buy a great clear one is from Paula’s Choice – works great, feels great, no sharpening, really does last, good price point. This is one of those you can buy several of the first time out.
4. Using concealer instead of lip liner to keep lipstick in place. If you don’t care for lip liner, another way to keep lip color from wandering is to apply a thin layer of concealer all around the lips and blend it out really well.
If you look carefully at lipstick ads, you can almost see it, because it makes the lips come out more, as will any light color. This idea is best reserved for women with a small mouth or thin lips.
A thick concealer will look heavy on lined skin, definitely not helpful. MAC Select Cover-Up comes in great colors, is thin in consistency, and doesn’t move once it’s dry.
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Aging faces develop sharper angles because the layer of fat under the skin becomes thinner with time. Applying makeup with sharp lines and edges, be it poorly blended blush or a sharp edge of eyeliner, only emphasizes this feature of aging. Soft blurred edges that dissolve into one another flatter a mature face. This look is more softly rounded which imparts a youthfulness.
Today’s 4 are about the mouth.
Listen To The Renegade Lunch Lady. Please.
October 25, 2008
Meet Chef Ann Cooper. She’s changing the way we feed children.
I LOVE THIS WOMAN.
Chef Ann Cooper
I love her message.
I love her topic.
I love her passion. She has a fire in her blood that sparks out her brown eyes.
I love her devotion to children that are not even hers.
If I got a closer look at her boots, I think I’d love them too.
Chef Ann takes on the lunch bureaucracy at TED.
This is the right woman for this job.
Who’s the grownup here?
Don’t explain to kids why they need to eat green food. You don’t negotiate toothbrushing, do you? Give them the choice of this green food or that green food, but one of them is going in. This is what “freedom of choice” looks like, and not “Do you want green food today?”.
You don’t ask your kids what lane of traffic to choose or how to spend investment money because they are incapable of knowing. You wouldn’t take a 15 year old’s advice, much less a 6 year old’s. Giving choices to those who cannot make them is just plain dangerous.
You are the grownup. You, and only you, have a responsibility to decide which foods are right. When you became a parent, it was in the job description. You also took on the role of teacher. You are teaching them to make the right choices for themselves for the rest of their lives, about everything. Food just happens to be the most important one.
I know it’s a daily fight. I know if you make a deal out of it, life escalates into a stress feast for everyone. But if there are chips, cookies, and ice cream in your house, none of your efforts will work. They can hold out longer than you because they’re the ones with the energy.
Does your dog play the food game?
I meet many folks who tell me their dog can choose what food its body needs. Hogwash. Does your body tell you what foods it needs? The last time you were stressed, did you reach for lentil casserole or that bag of Dill Pickle chips?
Dogs are as equipped to make decisions about nutrition as kids are, and they will make the same mistakes.
Don’t agonize over whether it’s fair or right or respectful of their rights, or if it’s natural. Dogs quickly learn to play the game of needing a new taste sensation every 4 days if you enlist in that program. Masters of extortion, they learn that if they don’t eat supper for a day or two, the selection only gets better. Small breed dogs, especially the white ones, drop into this world having mastered this beyond any level you can hope to achieve. Don’t bother engaging because you will lose.
Dogs and kids do what works. Stop letting it work and they’ll stop doing it almost immediately. They may move on to something new to annoy you, but look at each situation and think about what you’re doing to let it work. With children, as with dogs, food is entirely a control issue. It is not a taste issue.
Why your dog ate your couch
Kids and dogs also do what they’re used to. Being destabilized causes them anxiety so they’ll expend energy to keep the status quo. If, for some unfathomable reason, you want a dog (or a kid) that needs a new kind of food every three days, then start feeding him that way. If you want a dog that needs constant acknowledgment and reassurance all her life, then start off by paying her constant attention, especially when she demands it.
Then, you’ll doom yourself to dreaming up fancy dog food options, when you’re not cleaning up the couch the dog chewed because it loses its mind if it’s being ignored. Once you’re done cleaning, you’ll need to run to the vet to pick up the dog who had the couch buttons cut out of its stomach yesterday. Have you any idea how many people choose to do this?
If you have a few other things to do that sound more fun, let the dog learn that the food stays the same and they can learn to be ignored without harm. The decision lies entirely with you. Start them off the way you want them to end up.
Good Habits are hard to break too
Once they’re in their teens, children get ideas that they’re suddenly controlling us. The underlying psychology of Grade 8 seems to me to be that they have the adult world where they want it. If I remember myself correctly, that belief remains in place till one’s early 20s.
That’s why you have to start ASAP, so good choices aren’t choices at all, just habits. I think they like having a solid sense of “how things are in our family”. They can feel that they stand for something.
Think of how we would look if we’d started wearing sunscreen when we were 2!! The skin on our face would look like the skin on our other cheeks. And to think that that is a very real option that was squandered. Let’s at least give it to our children.
Now that mine are over 12, I encounter more resistance about everything, but I persevere. They’re just making the point that I can’t control them and I am not the boss of them. They’ll avoid anything they perceive as parental guidance.
They care more about how they look. I’ve talked to them a lot about long term investment and the payoffs at the other end. We talk to them about smoking. They see the long term effect. We teach them to respect their bodies. They see women who are capable and strong. We teach them about savings and investment. They see restraint in the present for reward in the future.
Can every one of us be our kids’ food advocate, like Chef Ann Cooper? Or are we, as parents, just too damn tired to fight with kids and with a destructive bureaucracy all the time?
Should we bypass the grownups entirely and teach the kids? Is this generation smarter about sex, seat belts, driving drunk, and smoking? Sadly, I don’t think they are. Our species is hell-bent on destroying itself. Then we turn 40 and finally think …
Chef Ann’s other books
Within 10 seconds of landing on a new website, I’m at the About page. The snaking path that throws choices our way reassures me that everyone’s life can be varied and rich. You don’t have to be stuck at the same desk for 30 years. Chef Ann’s About page is a great one. Don’t miss the books she’s written, at the bottom of the About page.
Lunch Lessons by Ann Cooper and Lisa M. Holmes
Have a look at some of the recipes this cookbook contains.
Do you agree that Mother’s Kitchen (shown below) looks beautiful as well? Don’t we all remember the foods our mothers, grandmothers, and aunts were renowned for, that we loved (or dreaded)? Cooking with a child nourishes their body as well as their spirit, teaches them pride in their contribution to the family, creates memories that last their lifetime, and forges traditions that they will teach their own children.
Kids LOVE learning and they LOVE knowing that you want to spend time showing them what you know. More than that, they NEED it to survive.
In Mother's Kitchen by Ann Cooper and Lisa M. Holmes
Meet Chef Ann Cooper.
I LOVE THIS WOMAN.
I love her message.
I love her topic.
I love her passion. She has a fire in her blood that sparks out her brown eyes.
I love her devotion to children that are not even hers.
My Kid Makes A Mean Caesar Salad
October 23, 2008
My children are on a smoothie craze. The blender never stops. Lying in bed at night reading, I hear the BZZZZZZ, at 8.45PM! What are they doing down there?
I don’t want to know. I don’t care what I’ll find in the morning. Stay in bed. My favorite is to be woken up at 10.30pm to be asked if it matters that the blender is smoking but I shouldn’t worry, it was probably just left on too long.
So I bought them an $8 hand mixer. How much harm could they really do with one of those? Since children have the innate ability to smell Bandaids, tape (with an especial sensitivity to duct tape), and Kleenex, I figured they could deal with whatever might happen.
My 13 year old adores Caesar salad. She eats it in dangerous quantities. Homemade Caesar Salad is incredibly easy to make, not a big production at all, and quite healthy. I showed her how to make it herself, using the hand blender. It’s fast, easy, and she’s adapted it to be perfect.
It’s tangy, not sweet. You can control this by varying the amount of lemon juice and grated cheese. I know folks who add maple syrup, but I don’t care for the sweet taste.
You’ll need 2 huge bowls, one for washing the lettuce and one for the salad itself. The one for the salad should be made of metal or glass because the salad dressing is oily and acidic and the plastic may be hard to clean afterwards.
Here’s what you do :
- Tear 2 large heads of Romaine lettuce into the plastic bowl. Cover with water. Swish it around like a washing machine for 15 seconds or so. Let soak while you start the dressing.
Put the following into a deep glass or jar that your hand blender can get to the bottom of:
- ¼ of a 300g block of silken or soft tofu (a great emulsifier, I thought of it myself when I didn’t have an egg!)
- 4 cloves garlic minced
- 2” (1 Tbsp.) anchovy paste from the tube
- 2 Tbsp Worc sauce
- 2 tsp Dijon mustard
- ½ c less 2 Tbsp. of extra-virgin cold-pressed olive oil
- ¼ c grated fresh Parmesan and some extra to sprinkle on top
Dump the water out of the plastic washing bowl. Refill with water to cover the lettuce and swish it around again. Let sit.
Think about what else goes in the dressing that you forgot. Obviously, there’s no order for adding ingredients.
- ¼ t salt
- ½ t fresh ground pepper
- juice of 1 lemon (this is pretty lemony and allows you to use less oil; you could use 1/2 lemon if you like and the full 1/2c. oil)
Spin dry the lettuce. Put it in the glass or metal bowl.
Buzz the dressing with a hand blender, moving the blender up and down in the glass, till well blended. It takes about a full minute. It will appear chunky at the beginning and more liquid after a short while.
Sprinkle the remaining Parmesan on the salad.
You are now done. The kids made supper!
Sadly, they’re still making smoothies in the blender.
PS: We don’t usually add croutons because the ones in the box are rather awful and I’ve burned the homemade delicious ones so many times that we’ve gotten used to the salad without them. I’ve burned so much food, you have no idea. There are oven timers all over the house and I still forget about the food in/on the oven.
It’s dead easy to make your own croutons. Cut some bread in cubes, toss in a little olive oil, and put them in a frying pan/skillet on low and mix them around now and again. Takes about 20 minutes. Don’t leave the room or begin another project till they’re done. Carrying egg timers on your person might solve it for you but it doesn’t work for me.
-->My children are on a smoothie craze. So I bought them an $8 hand mixer.
My 13 year old adores Caesar salad. She eats it in dangerous quantities. Homemade Caesar Salad is incredibly easy to make, not a big production at all, and quite healthy. I showed her how to make it herself, using the hand blender. It’s fast, easy, and she’s adapted it to be perfect.
Update on Savings and Givings Accounts
October 21, 2008
On July 3/08, I posted the article Dan Kennedy : 26 Behaviors and Beliefs To Attract Wealth. It was a review of Dan’s book Wealth Attraction for Entrepreneurs.
Imitating the activities of wealthy people is a means of becoming one yourself, faster. The wealthy tend to have Savings Accounts and Giving Accounts.
I tried it for 4 months just like Dan said.
What’s a Mirena IUD?
October 19, 2008
After writing yesterday’s article, The Pill or Mirena, I’ve realized that I had no real idea of what an IUD looks like till now.
This is a picture of it (scroll down) and a diagram of how it is positioned.
The Pill or Mirena
October 18, 2008
Women have written to me suggesting that I live in a delusional rosy bubble. Their lives are difficult, everyone’s life is difficult, aging is not easy, and why am I presenting such an unrealistic view of the world?? “Like, if we could really do something about it, we would have already”, is the implication.
I receive other letters where women share their reasons for reading this site. Most often, I hear the words “relevant” and “feel better about myself”. Now that’s pretty encouraging since it’s exactly what I’m trying to do. There are many excellent health and beauty blogs, many. But they’re not about us once we’re over 40 or so.
I very much live in the real world. I have no beef with celebrity, except that they’re not real. They are at best a diversion whose earning status greatly exceeds their contribution to society. Their chateaux, their surgeons and dentists, their nannies, their divorces, whatever. Got nothing to do with anyone I know. They’re bugs in bottles. Yet, they’re the standard I’m supposed to measure myself against. Spare me. I’ve given birth 3 times and breastfed 3 children. Let’s calm down and honor the right things.
Bleeding
So, this is what’s been going on with me. With no irregularity exceeding 4 days before this episode, the period that was due September 11 was 5 days late. Bill had a vasectomy 10 years ago, but I still get freaked out. Pregnancy test was negative so I really didn’t care if it ever started. Once it began, it was heavier than usual for 5 days, but not more than anything I’d ever had. It tried to stop for a day or two, then started up again in huge volumes with no sign of stopping for days.
I figured it was pre-menopausal and would stop eventually, but it just got heavier. I felt fine but I finally dragged myself to the doctor because it’s hard to see appointments with blood clots pouring out of you and blood running down your leg. Hey, this is real life, right? I have an aversion to pretense. And I would challenge any male to tell me that having his blood dripping out the end of his penis would not cause him to be a little distracted at the office.
MD (a wonderful woman our age) sends me packing to Emerg. where I spent an afternoon that alternated between hours of sheer boredom and moments of near terror, or at least intense discomfort – not unlike performing anesthesia, for any of you who have done it.
The diagnoses
What are the possibilities?
1) Fibroid tumour > not likely with a normal ultrasound (I only had a moderately thickened uterine lining which could be normal during a period)
2) Polyp > also unlikely with normal ultrasound
3) Cancer > not common but possible; we come back to this one.
4) Pre-menopause > very likely. I’m 48.
Stopping the blood
Job 1 is get the bleeding to stop because my Hemoglobin is 20 points less than it should be. Not transfusion-worthy, but enough to tire you. This is accomplished with high doses of Estrogen (Es). Remember the old style Birth Control Pills (BCP) we took 20 years ago? We took 1 a day. I was to take 2 every 8 hours. Within 2 doses, I’m vomiting like a chemo patient (it was so strange – I could feel that it was the drug making this happen), but the gushing blood and clots dried to up to NOTHING!!! Now this is fascinating when it’s not happening to your body. Anyhow, I tapered off the high dose estrogen and was at 1 per day within 7 days, and doing well. Was I disturbed to be taking these doses of estrogen Es and progesterone (Pr)? Shit, yes, but my choice was hemorrhage. This pill is called Ovral.
Well, what do you do when you’re sick these days? You sit home with your blankie (as an adult your blankie equates to a Do Not Disturb sign) and read about yourself on the net. Then you take all your new-found, context-less knowledge to your doctor and tell him what’s wrong with you. You can tell he’s heard this before, but he’s open-minded and will go around once or twice if his waiting room isn’t packed.
I now try to go off high dose estrogen/progesterone, after 10 dry days. Along comes a spider, because 2 days later, the blood has started up again, but light. The plan was to try an extremely low dose BCP called Alesse. Ya, well, it didn’t gush but it was getting heavier by the day. Off the the GYN I go.
Here’s a great guy. For 25 years, this man has spent his nights elbow-deep in placenta and his days listening to women who won’t stop bleeding, and still loves his job, respects his patients, and cares about women’s bodies. A find, this guy is, and delightfully no nonsense. Vets don’t have the luxury of doing a thousand medical tests and we relate better to doctors who cut to the chase.
GYN does an in-office biopsy, minor deal. That’s to see if it’s cancer. If it is, you’re off for a hysterectomy. And may I say that if I have cancer, with the amount of green tea and turmeric that goes through me, I will never eat broccoli again.
Cycles without ovulations
If it’s not, it seems the most likely is what are called “anovulatory cycles”. It’ s complicated.
Normally, in the first 14 days of your cycle, a follicle is getting ready to ovulate, so Estrogen is climbing, growing a uterine lining. Now your ovary release the egg. In the second 14 days, Progesterone is climbing to keep the uterine lining healthy. Pr is also the PMS culprit. Then your period starts and the lining is shed. As the next follicle grows, Estrogen climbs again, it stops your bleeding and the next cycle begins.
Having occasional cycles with no actual follicle or ovulation is just part of early menopause in all women. In me, the problem appears to be that on this cycle, there’s not enough Estrogen to stop the bleeding. There’s more to it of course, but this is why feeding me Estrogen got the blood to stop pouring out. Well, that was the easy part. Now what?
A choice among evils
BCP come in different strengths. Ovral is 50 times your body’s natural Es and Pr ; some BCP are 6 times; Alesse is 2 times your physiologic levels. If I understand my two choices, the first is Alesse which will probably bring the cycles back under control but it may be 3 months of bleeding before that happens. Remember that this is not the same as Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT), where you’re given supplemental Es for the symptoms of menopause. That’s a whole ‘nother kettle of fish.
The other choice is a Mirena IUD. It releases micro doses of Pr in the uterus.
Pros for Mirena:
1) no Es at all – this is the hormone associated with stroke and blood clots, so this is a huge plus, particularly if you smoke or have a tendency to clot
2) tiny dose Pr – so minimal side effects, minimal PMS-iness
3) 30% of women have no period at all
4) can be removed in 5 years by which time I should be done menopause completely !!!! think of it – potentially no period ever again! not that its’ a big thing when they’re normal, just a messy inconvenience. Torrential, however, is a big inconvenience.
5) usually good control of excessive bleeding
Cons for Mirena:
1) pain and cramping for 24hrs when inserted, though less in women who have had children and are beyond using it for birth control
2) still some exposure to synthetic hormone
3) sometimes uncomfortable – but can always be removed
4) only been on the market 5 years, so not much long term experience
What about a D&C? Works for 2-3 months. Even aggressively done, only 40% or so of the lining can be removed, leaving plenty of abnormal tissue in there.
Endometrial ablation ? Here, the uterine lining is scarred down, so no periods in some women, mild in others. Sounds great. BUT, if ever you develop anything that could be cancer, you can’t biopsy an ablated uterus. You have a hysterectomy whether you have cancer or not, because they can’t tell by biopsy. So some women get hysterectomies who didn’t really need them.
Natural progesterones as creams or nasal sprays or pills like Prometrium? We’d all pick this one. Some women I know swear their cycles go better when they use them in the last 14 days. Others find no effect or PMS effects, presumably because they have enough Pr of their own. The snag is that I have to get the bleeding to stop before I can think about these. I asked both my MD and GYN and they admitted to not being very familiar with them, and having concerns about controlling the hormone levels in the body where absorption varied between women.
Sugar. Lots of it.
I am aware that there are worse things out there than what I’ m going through. But I know what worn down and discouraged feels like too. If ever I come across as glib and synthetic, it’s not my intention or my reality. The hard times are hard. Everyone’s a nice guy when things are going the right way. What kind of guy am I when things are going awry? Not such a great one. Supper last night was French Fries and Oreos.
I haven’t had a fry in about 12 years. It was kind of strange. Makes me wonder what the fuss is about, but I guess I’ve outgrown it. I do happen to be in possession of one of my favorite substances on earth, that being a can of pure Quebec Amber maple syrup, and I may wind up doing myself some harm with it. Or at least find the juice to get through next week. I’m already wondering what the gifts- to- self will be.
The absolute best maple syrup.
If I have an aversion to pretense, I have a bigger aversion to indecision so I have to pick one. In my head, Mirena makes the most sense by far. If it works well, it could potentially be the very best option, even if it only stays in 2 years. I’ve read a thousand horrid experiences with it. Without diminishing each woman’s suffering, were you told a thousand nightmares about delivery when you got pregnant and none came true? Your encounter with it is very much your own. I must look at this the same way. Do any of you have any familiarity? I’m so hoping to hear many good things about Mirena.
A sincere thank you to Michelle M., whose e-mail on this Saturday made my whole week better. 
We are all so connected and have so much of our incredible strength to share with one another. Women are and will be each other’s salvation. We help our sisters cope when no one else can.
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Women have written to me suggesting that I live in a delusional rosy bubble.
I receive other letters where women share their reasons for reading this site. Most often, I hear the words “relevant” and “feel better about myself”.
I very much live in the real world. I have no beef with celebrity, except that they’re not real.
Here’s what’s been going on with me this month.
Friday’s Gift Better Be Good
October 17, 2008
Hallelujah!! What kind of women are we?!?
A Happy Dance will not suffice.
Have you checked in with Paula lately?
Hello Joe Mama ! Till the end of October, shipping is $3 on any order large or small, 5% is donated to breast cancer research, and have you checked the 50% off page lately?
Pour a glass of red wine, sit down in front of your computer, and go look.
For $39 total, I bought
1 Sheer Matte Blush in Flawless Nude : $4.98 .( These are gorgeously sheer, great players in building the watercolor diffusion that I think makeup should be. Hover your mouse over each color swatch on the page to read the verbal description of the color. It helps.)
3 Silky Start Sugar Scrub (stocking stuffers, home pedicures, teacher gifts!!) : $5.48 (Anyone buying Fresh Brown Sugar Body Polish? It costs $ WHAT??? $65 a jar.)
Oh, is that all?? Dying here.
Long Lasting Anti-Feather Lip Liner in Toffee (I have high hopes for this one. If it’s wonderful, I’m going to order 10 more, still on $3 shipping till Halloween) : $3.98 . Women with pink undertones should look at Mocha, at least from the color on my monitor. “Mocha” implies that it might be brown, so test it first.
Longevity Base and Top Coat : $3.98. (dibutyl phthalate and toluene – free ; do I know what that means? certainly not, but I’m sure I don’t want them on my hands or in my children’s lungs. Sheer Crystal and Sheer Lilac would be pretty for little girls who like nail polish.) [UPDATE: Nail polish cannot be sent into Canada.]
Soft Matte Eyeshadow in Beige : $4.48. (A perfect classic neutral is worth more than that.)
Sheer Shimmer Illuminating Liquid in Glistening Bronze : $5.48.( I’m on my third tube of this stuff. For warm complexions, fair to medium, it is perfect.)
There’s loads more on sale. Whether you’re a lover of neutrals like me, or you crave brighter shades, you’ll have trouble making choices. I’m already kicking myself for not buying the Sheer Matte Blush in Rose Whisper, but I have 15 days left. If you’re a Spring, take a good look at this one, it’s a lovely soft warm pink. Summers would give some thought to Translucent Rose. Autumns and Winters, look at the Charcoal Brown shadow- a brilliant eyeliner color. Get them while the getting’s good.
I hope you’ll wake up tomorrow and not have anywhere to be, at least till after lunch. May your morning plans consist of nothing more than tea so strong, it’s syrup and so bitter, it’s Aspirin, with toast and honey, and some exercise to top it off.
Enjoy your home this weekend, whatever its shape.
-->A Happy Dance will not suffice.
Have you checked in with Paula lately?
Hello Joe Mama ! Till the end of October, shipping is $3 on any order large or small, 5% is donated to breast cancer research, and have you checked the 50% off page lately?
For a total of $39, I bought these 8 items (and I’ll be going back for more)…
This Month In Elle Canada November 2008 : Read Every Article
October 16, 2008
Thursday! Do you feel like this?
or this?
No need to write in. I can guess.
I bought a subscription to Elle Canada because it cost $6/year with a coupon in a Clinique bonus. It targets a much younger audience and I usually don’t relate. I was off to a better than usual start with this one, with the Editor’s letter. The rest of the issue was just as good.
But before that, on page 21, what DID they do to Nicole Kidman’s lips in the Omega ad?? I hope they’ve been Shopped, not shot up. That girl can look stunning or sick. If she could just leave her hair red and wavy, she’d go a long way.
Editor-in-chief, Rita Silvan, who has very good hair that I especially covet if the curl is her own, writes about fashion’s ridiculously high heels. She describes Julianne Moore, reduced to a teetering tottering woman who could barely make it to the stage to present an award. At that moment, even Julianne Moore made herself ridiculous. Did anyone hear a word she said once she finally conquered the stairs?
Heels that give little lift without losing solid grounding are great. Beyond that, when your walk is shaky, when your knees are oddly bent, when your concentration is on staying upright and alive, when you’re better off sitting politely than getting up and going somewhere, then fashion has made a woman its victim.
So Rita and I agree. When women allow themselves to be diminished by an industry’s fabrication and propaganda about how we should look, just so that industry can continue making money, I get prickly. And when we allow ourselves to be in pain (because stilettos hurt like..) , then we’re even bigger victims.
Natural Resources, on page 40, shows a selection of absolutely beautiful neutral makeup for a tone-on-tone look. The lipsticks are especially appealing. Laura Mercier Aurora will be worth a look; on the Mercier site, I noticed Caramel which I liked even better.
On page 176, Rose is the Beauty News Trend Of The Month. It counterbalances the neutral-to-warm-tones page above with some equally wonderful makeup for pink undertones. Here’s the face ; click the arrows to see the makeup.
Beautiful coats, jackets, boots, very clean lines – a lot of shopping done for you here. The entire issue outdoes itself in coats, bags, and price ranges.
Anne Hathaway, made up to look more interesting than I’ve ever seen her, makes a point about not deciding what you want others to like about you. I’d never really thought about it in that way before. Do we decide “I am funny” or “I am nurturing” or “I am clever” and then work it till it overshadows our other traits? More I think of it, more she might have a point.
The Beckhams have a new his/hers scent. What do these two discuss at the supper table, do you think? The media would have us believe that they do nothing but get photographed and have enviably successful sex by any standard.
I read every horoscope except my own, to prove that they’re interchangeable. You know, my own (Libra) really was the best match, almost the only match.
25 Beauty Steals… I’m always a sucker for those. There were some things I’ll look at (though less than I’d hoped).
I am all about using food as medicine. Until you’ve got that figured out, you can take all the pills you like. They’ll never work as well as when the diet is there to support them. A full page for each topic is devoted to Foods to Fight Stress, Colds, and Fatigue, as well as Antioxidant and Detox best choices.
Much more I haven’t mentioned. There was a lot of diversion packed into this $4 magazine.
On the final page, designer Michelle Lowe-Holder is interviewed. Her opinion of celebrity is most apt, particularly from someone in her line of work. You simply must visit Michelle’s favorite fashion blog at www.stylebubble.typepad.com. For this woman who looks out her windows and sees corn fields, it was time travel.
-->I bought a subscription to Elle Canada because it cost $6/year with a coupon in a Clinique bonus. It targets a much younger audience and I usually don’t relate. I was off to a better than usual start with this one, with the Editor’s letter. The rest of the issue was just as good.
Read moreProduct Review : L’Oreal Infallible Lip Gloss
October 15, 2008
If you like gloss and want to spend about $8, try this one. It’s ON SALE at Zellers this week, $2 off.
It is creamy and chocolate malt-smelling on application. It soon goes from creamy to bonded with your lips, but still comfortably. There is something different going on here about the way this gloss fuses with lips, like a flexible coating.
Does it last 6 hours? Don’t make me laugh. But for a gloss, it’s very very good. Surprisingly (how often can you say that about a beauty product), not only does the shine last but so does the pigment.
The colors are nothing like on the website. The L’Oreal website is a pain, with too many pages that take too long to load. I hope this link takes you there directly. The site shows 16 colors on the Infallible Never Fail 6Hr Lip Gloss page. There were 8 at Zellers. I bought Coral Sands first.
Sangria above, Coral Sands below
Others have said it’s too sticky and separates if you apply a layer over the first one – I didn’t notice either. It’s not goopy and doesn’t create threads if you touch it with your finger/cup/fork. The one step application and ability to re-apply any time are two of this product’s strongest points. You can put another product over or under this one and it behaves well.
Maybe by “sticky”, women mean that you can feel it like a layer of adhesive on your lips, and that is so. I think it’s a good thing. How else is it going to last 6 (ha!) hours? You know how other long-wearing product roll and crumble when you rub your lips? Not this stuff. It is so stuck that you can rub for 30 seconds and it will not move. And it still feels perfectly fine. It must be some sort of sealant technology.
Coral Sands on L, Sangria on R.
The angled, triangular, sponge applicator would have no influence on a decision to rebuy but it works well enough. Actually, the pointed tip makes it easier to draw a precise outline for a darker color like Sangria.
It is a little more light and a lot more sheer than it appears in the tube. Coral Sands is a pale peach, slightly pink. On fair skin, especially with yellow undertones, it would be great. On me, by itself, it’s too light and washed out. On a Spring woman, beauty.
I went back for Sangria. I saw it described in as a sheer earthy plummy color, sounded nice… It is nice, but too rosy red for me. What was I thinking? It’s made for a Winter, just a nice lip color. Here it is:
Sangria on a Winter woman.
It’s a good thing I have daughters. I can give them all the colors I should have known better than to buy.
Oh well, we made to Wednesday. For this, we deserve 2 of anything.
(Update Nov. 08 : In reading Emily’s Living Cruelty Free blog yesterday, I noticed that I made a mistake in thinking L’Oreal is cruelty-free. In fact, they’re not that at all. This product is not good enough to excuse buying it. If I had it do to again, I would have passed. Your decision.)
-->If you like gloss and want to spend about $8, try this one. It’s ON SALE at Zellers this week, $2 off.
It is creamy and chocolate malt-smelling on application. It soon goes from creamy to bonded with your lips, but still comfortably. There is something different about the way this gloss fuses with lips, like a flexible coating.
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A Greener Tea
Web Maintenence by Rick Beckman
